Sorry, We’re Fresh Out Of DeLoreans

| Saskatchewan, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “I would like to book a car for the 21st.”

Me: “Okay, so August 21st?”

Customer: “No, July 21st. We are in July.”

Me: “Sir, it’s July 24th today.”

Customer: “Oh…” *pauses* “…I’ll call you back.”

When In Rome (Or Canada)…

| British Columbia, Canada | Canada, Tourists/Travel

(I work at a tourist shop where we get Americans on a regular basis.)

Me: “Would you like to pay by credit card?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you know where I can find a Bank of America?”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but there isn’t any around here.”

Customer: “So you guys don’t have Bank of America.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, this is Canada.”

Related:
When In Rome (Or An Indian Restaurant)…
When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli)…

Wingardium Laziosa

| Livingston, NJ, USA | Books & Reading

Customer: “I can’t find the Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter. Could you order them for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, they don’t make Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. They have Cliff’s Notes for everything. Why don’t you look it up?”

Me: “Actually, they don’t have Cliff’s Notes for everything, especially not for children’s books.”

Customer: “They aren’t children’s books.”

Me: “They’re shelved in the children’s section.”

Customer: “Adults read them too. You don’t have them so I’d like to order them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but they don’t exist.”

Customer: “That’s a lie. There’s a computer right in front of you. Look up Cliff’s Notes and find them!”

(I look up Cliff’s Notes and show the customer the extensive list. After a few minutes of frustrated searching, she gives up.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to know what they’re about, but I don’t want to read them.”

Me: “May I suggest the movies, in that case?”

Customer: “I’m not stupid! I’ve seen the movies! I just don’t want to read the books!”

Deferred Gratification 101

| Georgia, USA | School

(I work in a campus post office for students only. Package slips are put in the boxes and an e-mail is sent to the student’s school e-mail address when they receive a package.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Student: “Hi, do I have a package?”

Me: “Did you have a package slip in your box? I need that.”

Student: “No, I didn’t get one.”

(I go to the back and check anyway because one of the workers often forgets to put the slips in the boxes during her shift.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I didn’t see any package with your name.”

Student: “Could you check again?”

Me: “There were only 6 packages, and I’m sure none of them were for you. Did you get an email saying your package had arrived?”

Student: “No.”

Me: “Did the tracking number say it had been delivered?”

Student: “Oh, no, the tracking number didn’t have any information on it.”

(I go online to double check her tracking number.)

Me: “It says here that you ordered the package only three hours ago.”

Student: “Yeah, so it’s not here yet?”

Me: “No. It says here that it’s coming from out of the country. It could take up to a month for it to arrive depending on how long it takes to get through customs, but it usually takes two or three weeks.”

Student: “Oh…well, okay. I’ll come back to check tomorrow then!”

Words Jail Me

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(I work at a coffee shop in a botanical garden. I am serving a couple that has difficulty speaking English.)

Customer #1: “Also, can we have a kidnap?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer #2: “Can we have a kidnap?”

Me: “You…want me to kidnap you?”

Customer #1: “No! No! I want…a kidnap!”

Customer #2: “You know, kidnap!”

(She forms a square with her fingers.)

Me: “Oh, do you want a napkin?”

Customer #1: “Yes, kidnap!”