(I’m waiting in line behind a woman speaking on her cellphone in another language. Ahead of her is a white man. After the woman hangs up, he speaks up.)
Man: “I didn’t want to say anything while you were on the phone, but you’re in America now. You need to speak English.”
Woman: “Excuse me?”
Man: *very slow* “If you want to speak Mexican, go back to Mexico. In America, we speak English.”
Woman: “Sir, I was speaking Navajo. If you want to speak English, go back to England.”
Weekly Roundup: Grow Up, Already, Part 2! In this week’s roundup, we share five stories about grown-up customers who need to grow up! Click here for Part 1.
- Parenting The Parents (2,549 thumbs up)
- A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’, Part 2 (3,030 thumbs up)
- Sweet Midlife Crisis (1,550 thumbs up)
- Always Handle Grown Ups With Kid Gloves, Part 2 (1,249 thumbs up)
- Talentless Pool (2,894 thumbs up)
PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!
(I am quite short, with short, bright red hair. I am in the middle of taking the table’s order.)
Customer: “Which red-headed celebrity do you remind me of?”
Me: “I’m not sure, sorry. Scarlett Johansson in The Avengers, maybe?”
Customer: “No, not her.”
Me: “Cal Wilson? She’s got short red hair as well.”
Customer: “No, that’s not it.”
(I suggest a couple of other possibilities, but she rejects them. Unable to work it out, I finish taking their order, then continue going about my business. About half an hour later, she flags me down.)
Customer: “I’ve worked out who it is!”
Me: “Oh, right, who is it?”