Didn’t Pass For The Passport

| Brisbane, Australia | Extra Stupid

(I’m a customer waiting in line at the post office. A man is having his passport photo taken: the rules are quite strict on what photos are allowed.)

Employee: “Okay, we’re going to have to take another photo. Your mouth was open slightly and they won’t accept it. So, just look straight at the camera with your eyes open and your mouth shut.”

Customer: “At the same time?!”

Failed Across The Board-ing

, | MI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I recently started working at a restaurant in my local airport. We serve passengers waiting to board their flights. As a rule, we tell all of our customers how long their food will take so that they don’t risk missing their flight or not receiving their food in time to board. I am visibly pregnant.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Can I get a cheeseburger combo from the grill?”

Me: “Sure! Just so you know, they usually take about 10-15 minutes to make. Is that alright?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s fine…”

(I give the woman her total, cash out the transaction, and she goes to her boarding area. After about five minutes, she returns.)

Customer: “Where the f*** is my burger?!”

Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, they take anywhere from 10-15 minutes to make. I can go check and see how much longer it will be for you.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You didn’t tell me that! My plane is boarding! I’m going to miss my flight!”

Me: “Hold on one second, ma’am and I’ll go check.”

Customer: “No, f*** that! I want a manager and a refund!”

(I fetch my manager.)

Customer: “I want this pregnant s*** fired! She didn’t tell me that the food would take this long! How could you even hire someone like that? I don’t want some knocked up s*** taking my order!”

Manager: “Ma’am, you are entitled to a refund. However, you are not entitled to insult my cashier and disturb the other customers. Also, I don’t doubt that my cashier told you how long the food would take. I’m betting you didn’t notice her saying it. Just like you didn’t notice that she is wearing a wedding band excluding her from your s*** comment, didn’t notice that your food has been sitting on the hot tray for a full two minutes while you berated my employee, and didn’t notice that your flight is not boarding. The flight boarding is for uniformed military only.”

Customer:*stammers, takes her burger, and goes back to her boarding area in silence*

A Brokeback Fountain Of Hate

| Springfield, MO, USA | Bigotry

(We have a small section of movies for the LGBT community. These are clearly labelled, and none of them are too offensive. I am a straight woman in support of the LGBT community. A customer brings up one of the LGBT movies; it shows two women in wedding dresses kissing on the cover.)

Customer: “I demand you keep this trash behind the counter!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is a whole section dedicated to this ‘trash’ and honestly, I can’t keep just one case behind the counter. Our customers are going to need a way to see that we have it available.”

Customer: *waves DVD case in my face* “Who watches this trash anyway!? It’s sinful smut and I don’t want children seeing it!”

Me: “That is why it is up high on the shelves, in a little corner, behind a curtain that is clearly labelled for LGBT movies. Makes me wonder how you saw it ma’am, as you would have to walk to that corner and move the curtain. Honestly, I don’t even think we need the curtain. I think there should be more tolerance for gays and those of the LGBT community.”

Customer:You did this! You brought all of those movies from home, and put them in that section because you support f***! You should not be working where Christians shop!”

Me: “I’m straight, ma’am, but I do support the LGBT community. I can promise you I did not bring those movies from home. We are legally allowed to rent out those movies here. Now if you would please give me the DVD so that I can put it back where it belongs, I would be very happy.”

(She flings the DVD case at me. I duck in time for it not to hit me, but it crashes into the sign we have up to show what our new releases are.)

Customer: “GO TO H***!”

(She stomps out of the store. A few moments later, my manager calls. I tell her what just happened.)

Manager: “Oh dear, do you need some coffee?”

Me: “Only a lot.”

Zero Em-Bra-assment

| Denver, CO, USA | Rude & Risque

(I work in an adult-themed store that sells clothing. I am stocking nightwear on racks when a middle-aged customer appears.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you find a [brand of bra] in this size? I looked everywhere and can’t find it.”

Me: “Alright…”

(I disappear into the aisles and return with a bra.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Customer: “Thank you so much!”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

(The customer wanders off to the changing rooms while I return to putting the clothes on the rack. The customer returns, wearing NOTHING except for the bra he just got for her.)

Customer: “How does it look? Will my boyfriend like it?”

Me: *shocked* “Uh… sure.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

(A coworker appears after the woman returns to the dressing rooms.)

Coworker: “Happened again?”

Me: “What is it about these stores that makes people forget their modesty?!”

Why The Long Face

| CA, USA | Family & Kids

(A customer approaches me at the cash desk.)

Customer: “You remind me of my daughter.”

Me: “Oh, thank you.”

Customer: “I call her Pony-Face!”

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