The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 12

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(I am at the local library, checking out Bram Stoker’s Dracula. A teenage girl barges up to the desk with the entire Twilight collection in her arms.)

Me: “Hey, I was checking—”

Girl: *completely ignoring me* “I would like to check these out!”

Librarian: “Please wait in line, miss.”

Girl: “Are you refusing me service?”

Librarian: “No, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Girl: “I really love these books! This is, like, the fifth time I’ve read them!”

Librarian: “Perhaps I could interest you in other vampire related materials?”

Girl: “Oh, my god! There’s more?”

(I’m really angry at this point and interject, since the girl is oblivious to the fact she cut in front of me.)

Me: “Yes, there are. However, no other book that has anything to do with vampires is as loaded with useless Mary Sues as that mountain of garbage you oh so adore.”

Girl: *completely clueless* “What do you mean? These books are great!”

Me: *points at cover of Dracula’* “This guy is a vampire.”

Girl: “No he’s not! He’s way too ugly!”

Me: “Yes, he is a vampire. Vampires, as they should be, are hideous predators that only seek to feed on humanity. The so called vegetarianism’ that is present in Twilight offers no sustenance to a vampire. Also, when they go out in the daylight, they burn, not take a bath in a vat of rhinestones.”

Librarian: “He does have a point there.”

Girl: “That’s disgusting! Who would want a vampire like that?”

(She storms out of the library with the Magnum Opus of snowflakes in her book bag.)

Related:
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 11
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 10
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
The Twilight Of Our Literacy

Weeding Through The Voters

| USA | Politics

(I am phone-banking Colorado voters, encouraging them to support the Amendment 64 initiative to legalize marijuana in the state.)

Me: “Hello. I’m calling with the Campaign to Regulate Marijuana like Alcohol. In November, you will have the chance to vote—”

Voter: “Why should we only regulate marijuana like alcohol during November? I think we should do it the whole year!”

Someone Is Telling Porkies

| Youngstown, OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(My wife and I are eating at an Indian restaurant. An older couple has finished their meal in the booth next to ours; the server has brought them their bill.)

Customer: “Are you sure this was lamb curry? It tasted like pork.”

Server: “Yes, sir. We do not serve pork.”

Customer: “I’m not calling you a liar, but it sure tasted like pork.”

Server: “We do not have any pork on the menu, sir.”

Customer: “Well, all I know is, it tasted like pork.”

Server: “Sir, we do not even have any pork in the building.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know about that, but I’m telling you, it tasted like pork!”

My Wife: *to me, but loudly enough for them to hear* “Didn’t stop him from eating it all, though.”

(The customer glares at us, then silently hands the server his credit card. They leave quickly when she brings it back.)

Server: *to my wife* “Thank you so much!”

Always Free To Complain

| Canada | Technology

(As an internet service provider, the company provides a free email account. The email server’s information is currently not working properly with third party applications such as Outlook.)

Customer: “My email is not working.”

Me: “Yes, we do apologise. Our mail server is experiencing problems at this time. However, it’s web based version is always accessible for your convenience.”

Customer: “I don’t want to use the internet. I want to receive my mail.”

Me: “You can still receive mail. You just have to go to [web address].”

Customer: “No. I want to be credited for this horrible thing.”

Me: “Well, sir, is your internet service working?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately that’s the service you’re paying for. The email is provided free of charge, so I am afraid I cannot credit you, considering the service you’re being charge for is working.”

Customer: “I want to be credited because the email is down.”

Me: “But, sir. You pay nothing for the email. Zero dollars.”

Customer: “I don’t care! Credit me now!”

Me: “Okay, sir. I will be happy to credit you 50% of what you have paid for the email.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

You Won’t Be-Leaf It

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Awesome Customers, Top, Transportation

(I am on the bus. There was a rather severe windstorm the previous night.)

Passenger: “Why are we stopping in the middle of the road?”

Driver: “There’s a fallen tree in the road.”

(The passenger talks to his companions for a few seconds.)

Passenger: “Can you let us off?”

Driver: “Why?”

Passenger: “We’re going to move the tree.”

(The passenger is a rather skinny looking guy.)

Driver: “…Sure.”

(The passenger and his friends get off the bus, then proceed to drag the fallen tree out of the road.)

Driver: “Well, I’ll be…”

(Thanks to the passengers who cleared it, and to the bus driver who let them off to do it—since it’s against policy to let them off at any place but a proper bus stop.)

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