To Conjugate A Thief

| San Francisco, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

(Although I don’t look like it, I am fluent in Japanese and Korean. I am working at a register, checking out a Japanese family that is buying snacks.)

Father: *in Japanese* “Son, when the cashier isn’t looking, put the candy bars in your pockets so we don’t have to pay for them.”

(Hearing this, I add the candy bars to the purchase. The family pays and leaves. Two minutes later, the father returns.)

Father: “Why did you charge me for four candy bars?! I didn’t buy any candy bars! You just charged me to make extra money! I want to see your manager!”

Me: *in Japanese* “Maybe you should come up with your plans to steal 89 cent candy bars BEFORE you come up to the register.”

(The father was stunned. He apologized and left embarrassed.)

Weekly Roundup: Lost & Confused

, , , , | Not Always Right | Geography, Roundups

Lost & Confused: This week, we feature five stories of customers who are “geographically disadvantaged!”

  1. For The Love Of God, Get GPS:
    An employee serves as a human GPS for one completely lost customer!
  2. More Cars Than Common Sense:
    A couple thinks they lost their car, when they’ve really lost their minds.
  3. For The Love Of God, Get GPS, Part 2:
    This confused hotel guest puts the “duh” in Cana-duh!
  4. At The Corner Of Me & Myself:
    We need more than your living room to locate you, sir.
  5. The Great State Of Confusion, Part 4:
    An airline passenger ends up in New Orleans, LA–Los Angeles, that is!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9

| Kingston, Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid, Time

(I am working on box office one night. It’s soon after the release of the newest Twilight. Two teenage girls are at my cash purchasing tickets to see the movie.)

Teenage Girl #1: “So, you have Twilight at 6:30 and 6:50?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Teenage Girl #1: “That doesn’t make sense! It isn’t 20 minutes long!”

Me: “It’s in two different theaters.”

Teenage Girl #2: “Oh right! Duh!”

Related:
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
The Twilight Of Our Literacy

Not Lacking For Laxatives

| Long Island, NY, USA | Health & Body

Me: “**** Pharmacy, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I gotta question for you: I drank a whole thing of prune juice like water, and now I’m s***ing my brains out.”

Me: “Okay, and what did you need to know?”

Customer: “Is your generic of ducolax the same thing?”

Me: “Yes. Same thing.”

Customer: “Okay, good, because I’m gonna need a plug soon or something!”

D As In Duh, Part 2

| Pennsylvania, USA | Language & Words

Me: “You’ll also want to check out the Free Application for Federal Student Aid.  You can apply for that online if you have internet connection.”

Caller: “I do. What’s the URL?”

Me: “All right. It’s www dot ‘F’ as in ‘Frank,’ ‘A’…”

Caller: “Sorry, how do you spell that?”

Me: *confused* “…How do you spell what?”

Caller: “Effasinfrank.”

Related:
D As In Duh

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