Whoever Said Easter Isn’t Egg-citing Is Hopping Mad

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

(This happens around Easter. A man in an Easter Bunny suit comes riding a unicycle into the parking lot and enters the shop.)

Me: “Hey there, Easter Bunny!”

Easter Bunny: “Donuts? Sick! I’ll have three strawberry, three cherry, and three blueberry, glazed, and with frosting and sprinkles!”

Me: *hands him the bag* “Anything else?”

Easter Bunny: “Nah! Donuts! Sick!”

(The Easter Bunny suddenly SLAMS his head on the counter, which would have been quite painful if not for the headpiece on his costume. An egg rolls out seemingly from nowhere and onto the counter. He walks out without another word, hops onto his unicycle and rides off. The egg contained exact change—plus a labeled five dollar tip!)

Don’t Tip Her Off

| Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

Customer: “I’ll have my ciabatta loaf and a small latte.”

Me: “That comes to $9.90.”

(The customer hands me a $10 dollar bill, and I give her 10 cents change. Then, she produces her loyalty card. I see that she is up for a free coffee.)

Me: “Oh, you’re due for your free coffee. I’ll give you some extra change back.” *I hand her the extra change*

Customer: “No! I don’t want it! I don’t want the money!”

Me: “But you’ve earned a free coffee.”

Customer: “I come in here EVERY time and I order a ciabatta loaf and a coffee, and it comes to $9.90. I give you a $10 note, and I give you a 10 cent tip!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry… did you want to save your free coffee for another day? It’s alright. I can—”

Customer: “No, it’s NOT alright! I didn’t want the free coffee! I don’t want it! You don’t get your 10 cent tip today!”

Me: “Okay… well, I’ll just have to wear that.”

Customer: “Stupid woman. You don’t get your 10 cent tip today!” *leaves*

Hello, Abbie Simpson

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Military, Top, Tourists/Travel

(A passenger comes through my security checkpoint at the airport. She is the most scatterbrained individual I have ever seen, and has had to go through the metal detector three times: once for her belt, another time for her hairclips, and finally, for her dog tags.)

Passenger: “Geez, I’m sorry, you know? I don’t mean to be so brain dead.”

Me: “It’s fine, ma’am.”

(I hand the passenger her dogtags and sees she’s in the Navy.)

Me: “Oh, my brother is in the Navy. What do you do?”

Passenger: *laughs sheepishly* “You’ll love this. I work on a nuclear reactor.”

Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 2

| UK | Bigotry, Top

(I’m in the library, queueing at the front desk to take out two books. I’m standing with my arms wrapped around the books. Patron #1 is talking to a librarian at the counter, while Patron #2 is waiting further down the counter.)

Patron #1: “Do you have any Islamic books?”

Librarian: “Well—”

Patron #2: *patronizing* “No, dear, because this isn’t a Muslim country. It’s a Christian country.”

(Patron #2 looks around at me and the librarian as though she expects us to agree. We are both white.)

Librarian: “Actually, we have a collection Islamic books in both Urdu and English. They’re just over here.”

(The librarian shows Patron #1 to the books.)

Patron #2: *to me* “Can you believe that? Why do we need Paki books in our libraries? This is what’s wrong with this country. Maybe instead of speaking Paki, they should learn English and try to fit in!”

(I remove my books from my arms and lay them out clearly where she can see them. I have a sociological study of the Philippines and a history of India, as my two closest friends were born there).

Me: “Maybe what we need are more books that teach people to stop being bigoted and start respecting and understanding other people.”

Patron #2: *scoffs at me and leaves*

Related:
Our Great DiscrimiNation (Not Always Working)

Time To Tail The Knot

| Canada | Pets & Animals

(At the kennel where I’m the receptionist, we offer a discount if two dogs can share the same run.)

Customer: “Can you tell me your pricing?”

Me: “Sure, it’s [price] per dog per night, unless you have two dogs who can share a run. You’re just looking for a single?”

Customer: *completely serious* “Yes, my dog’s not married.”

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