Making A Whole Lot Of Noise About It

| Champaign, IL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

(I am calling a room as I’ve had an ‘unusual’ noise complaint. Normally, because of being the overnight shift, I would investigate in person. Given the nature of the complaint I’ve decided to use the hotel phone and call the room. After several minutes, a guest finally answers.)

Guest: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, sir. This is the front desk. We—”

Guest: “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS? HOW ABOUT A LITTLE PRIVACY? OR IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?”

(The guest continues rant for about a minute before winding down.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry about the inconvenience but we have a noise complaint near your room. The… ah, ‘sex noises,’ grunting and moaning, that have been going on for over 30 minutes are keeping other guests up. They are asking you to keep the sex down so they can sleep.”

(There is eight seconds of dead silence.)

Me: “Sir, are you still there?”

Guest: *click*

(We did not receive another noise complaint!)

Talking About A Whole Other Animal

| Trier, Germany | Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(Trier is an ancient city with many Roman ruins. At the moment there is a traveling show in town showing lizards, snakes and amphibians. I’m on my way home.)

Tourist: “Excuse me. We are looking for the amphibian theater.”

Me: “The lizard show? It’s all the way on the other side of the city.”

Tourist: “No! The amphibian theater! The Roman gladiators!”

Me: “Oh! You mean the Amphitheater. Just 50 meters that way.”

Taxing Faxing, Part 11

| OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer calls into my place of employment asking a question about her laser printer.)

Customer: “Hello. I need to know what my fax number is.”

Me: “Fax numbers are issued by your phone company. You would need to contact them to find out the number.”

Customer: “What? You mean they don’t come through the air?”

Me: “No, ma’am. They do not come through the air.”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 10
Taxing Faxing, Part 9
Taxing Faxing, Part 8
Taxing Faxing, Part 7
Taxing Faxing, Part 6
Taxing Faxing, Part 5
Taxing Faxing, Part 4
Taxing Faxing, Part 3
Taxing Faxing, Part 2
Taxing Faxing