Good News For A Change, Part 2

| New York, NY, USA | Awesome Customers

(It’s a very busy day at our drugstore. A customer comes to my register after waiting a very long time in line.)

Me: “Hello, did you find everything okay today?”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager immediately!”

Me: “Is there something I could help you with?”

Customer: “No, I want to speak with your manager now!”

(I page the manager, and mentally prepare myself for whatever argument this customer is about to unleash.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I need to tell you… I was in here yesterday and this man was just screaming at your employees. Nothing would stop him, he was so angry! They were all trying to be so helpful and he just kept screaming! You should be incredibly proud of your employees! They handled themselves so well and never once argued back!”

(She put a smile on all of our faces. When her transaction was finished, she told me to keep the change!)

Related:
Good News For (A Heckuva Lot Of) Change

No Species For Feces

| Omaha, NE, USA | Pets & Animals

(A couple comes in with a bag holding a few dead Cory catfish.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Female Customer: “We have some fish that didn’t make it.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have any other fish in the tank these came from?”

Male Customer: “Yes.”

Female Customer: “We have a couple of those over there…” *points at the mollies* “…and a few of those…” *points at some tetras* “…and one of those suckers, too.”

Me: “Are all your other fish doing okay?”

Male Customer: “Some of those stripy ones died, but they were ate up.”

Me: “Alright. What size tank do you have then? Twenty gallons? Larger?”

(The male customer motions with his hands; it’s definitely not a large tank.)

Me: “It looks like you have a ten gallon or so. How many fish did you say you have in there?”

Female Customer: “About twenty or so.”

Me: “And how often do you do water changes?”

Male Customer: “We put new water in weekly.”

Me: “How much water do you take out each time?”

Female Customer: “None. We just add to it when the water evaporates.”

(At this point, I take the time to explain to them the basics of proper tank maintenance. I also explain to them that their tank is too small for the amount of fish currently being housed inside of it. This takes a few minutes for them to understand, but finally they seem to get it.)

Me: “If you move to a larger tank, siphon and do water changes your fish will be healthier.”

Female Customer: “I just don’t understand why we have to clean the gravel.”

Me: “That is where most of the fish waste gathers. Your filter will not get it all.”

Female Customer: “But that’s why we bought those things for! To eat all the poop! But they didn’t do anything, and then they died.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Male Customer: “They were supposed to be cleaning fish, but they never cleaned anything.”

Me: “You bought these fish with the expectation they would eat the other fishes’ waste?”

Female Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Yes, they are bottom feeders, and yes some people buy them to keep the tank a bit tidier; they’ll eat food that reaches the bottom. However, they don’t eat poop. I don’t believe we sell fish that live off of the waste of other fish.”

Male Customer: “Well, you should!”

What A BS Degree

, | The Netherlands | Bigotry, School

(I’ve been helping a student from China get her books for her Master’s programme. Her English is fine, but she has a strong accent. After I’ve finished helping her, the next customer steps up.)

Customer: “If that’s how she speaks English, she’s going to have serious trouble with Dutch. She’ll be useless in class!”

Me: “Actually, her courses are all in English, so she won’t have to learn Dutch.”

Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous! They’re making all these courses in English to let lazy foreigners get in easily. What about us, hmm? We have to put up with having to speak a foreign language in our own country just so she can come here and basically get handed a place at university by the stupid management. I bet she’ll get a job here, too. Everyone seems to think it’s more prestigious to hire some foreigner than someone who actually knows the language and the culture and everything!”

Me: “… Anyway, let’s get your books. What is your major?”

Customer: “International relations.”

This Apple Doesn’t Foul Far From The Tree

| Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work in a community college library. I am passing through the kid’s room, where students often leave their children while they study, when I witness a small boy push a girl down over a toy.)

Little Boy: *to the little girl* “F***ing C**t!!”

(Shocked and offended by his foul language, I march straight into the room, snatch him up by the arm, and physically drag him, bawling and squalling into the main library, where his mother is talking on her cell phone.)

Me: “I’m going to tell your mom EXACTLY what you said to that little girl—”

Mom: *into her phone* “Hold on…” *to me* “Hey! HEY! What the F*** are you doing to my boy!? F***ING B***H!”

Teaching A Righteous Dimwit Is Stressful

, | USA | Geeks Rule, Language & Words

(My friend and I are really big Doctor Who fans, and we are also crafty. One day, she makes me a T.A.R.D.I.S. bracelet out of duct tape. FYI: the T.A.R.D.I.S. is the Doctor’s transport and is in the shape of big, blue police box. I am working in the drive-thru when this took place.)

Me: “Hello, that is going to be [price].”

Customer: *hands me her money*

Me: “Your change is [amount].”

Customer: “What an interesting bracelet!”

Me: “Oh, thank you. A friend of mine made it.”

Customer: “What is it supposed to be?”

(I’m holding my hand out so that she can take a better look at it.)

Me: “It’s a Tardis.”

Customer: *blank look*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “That is just terrible!”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “Using the ‘R’ word isn’t bad enough for you kids? Now you have to come up with some slang term? That is terrible!”

Me: “The… ‘R’ word?”

Customer: “RETARD!”

Me: “Ma’am, the Tardis is a shop from a sci-fi show… not slang for retard.”

Customer: “Don’t you give me any excuses, little missy. You are in a lot of trouble. Wearing something to promote calling retards retarded is despicable. I need to speak to your manager!”

(Despite trying to explain otherwise, my manager had to give her a free coupon to keep her from calling corporate to complain. I also can’t wear the bracelet to work anymore. It sometimes sucks being a nerdy girl in a small town.)

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