Call A Doctor If He Starts Chirping

| Clay, NY, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(We have a variety of animals, such as reptiles. Some reptiles require crickets as a main staple of their diet. Most people buy more than they need, and keep them in containers with special foods and drinks to feed the crickets to keep them alive. I receive a phone call.)

Me: “[Pet Store], can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah I have a question about the [Brand] cricket food. Do you know which one I’m talking about?”

Me: “Yes I do.”

Caller: “Well my 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”

Me: “C-come again?”

Caller: “My 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”

Me: “To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. Let me look at the ingredients real quick.”

(I go to read the label on the jar, and there are no indications on the label that it would be harmful to people.)

Me: “Well, I read the ingredients and I don’t really see anything on here that would make him sick.”

Caller: “Is this something we should call the doctor about?”

Me: “I honestly don’t know, but I would definitely keep an eye on him and see if he seems fine.”

Caller: “Well, he’s fine, but he’s got diarrhea.”

Me: “That’s probably why.”

Caller: “Oh.”

Me: “I don’t know what else to tell you other to keep an eye on him; I’ve never been asked about that before.”

Caller: “Okay, well we’ll let you know. Thank you for the help.”

(I texted my coworker and boss later. Apparently in their years of experience, that was a first for them, too.)

Heavy Lighter Reaction

| Galveston, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(Along the front of the register counter, we have boxes of novelty lighters for sale, the most popular of which are shaped like flip-flops. Everyone plays with them, ignoring the huge neon signs that state: ‘Please do NOT play with lighters!’ As a result, a number of them are empty and no longer work. A pair of teenage customers are waiting in line, while I ring up another customer.)

Me: “Alright, your total is [total].”

(As I hand the change to the customer, I notice one of the teenagers pick up a flip-flop lighter and start flicking it.)

Me: “Please do NOT play with the lighters.”

(The teenage customer huffs and drops it back into the box while muttering to her friend.)

Customer: “Why not? I’m old enough!”

Me: “It’s not a matter of age. If everyone ignores the signs and plays with the lighters, they become empty. And then no one will buy them.”

(I ring up the teenager’s items, and give her the change.)

Me: “Have a nice night!”

Customer: “I’ll TRY. But I doubt I will because you were such a b****!”

(The teenage customer then storms off, leaving all her stuff in the bag on the counter.)

Me: “Don’t forget your bag!”

Customer: “Ugh! This is why I hate shopping; everyone is like, so RUDE!”

Where Does The Fox Stay?

| England, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

Client: “I’m 90 years old, and when I came downstairs this morning there was a cat and five kittens in my kitchen! What should I do? I can’t look after these kittens; I’m 90!”

Me: “Have you tried asking your neighbours if anyone recognises the cat?”

Client: “Yes, yes, I tried that.”

Me: “You could try phoning the [well known animal charity]?”

Client: “I’m not doing that!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Do you mind if I ask why not?”

Client: “I phoned them once because I had a fox come through my cat flap! They refused to come out and get it, so it ended up staying for three months!”