A Credit Score As Strong As Jell-o

| Littleton, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a call center selling TVs. All customers have to have a credit check performed to see what they’re eligible for as far as equipment. One caller has terrible credit, so the price is higher. I leave her my office number if she changes her mind. She calls me back.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I be of assistance?”

Caller: “Hi. I called yesterday and the price was stupid high. I finally got the letter in the mail telling me about all the free upgrades and s***. I want the better price now.”

Me: “That sounds great! Can I ask, did they run your credit score yesterday?”

Caller: “Nuh uh.”

Me: “Not a problem. So I can land you the best offer, let’s knock that out real fast.”

Caller: “I already gave all this information! Why the h*** do I have to give it again?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I thought you hadn’t run a credit check prior to our conversation.”

Caller: “Yes, I have! I just told you that! OPEN YOUR EARS!”

Me: “My mistake. When was the score checked?”

(I know when it was checked: yesterday, by me.)

Caller: “Jesus F****** Christ! I want a manager on the phone!”

Me: “Ma’am, a manager will tell you the same thing. I’m only trying to make sure we get you the best possible deal.”

Caller: “Fine…” *provides information*

Me: “Based on what you told me, this will be your price.”

(It’s something high because her credit is awful.)

Caller: “That’s the same price as yesterday! This is false advertisement! I’m going to sue!”

Me: “Ma’am, on the bottom left of your advertisement, you’ll see that all prices are based off a credit score.”

Caller: “That doesn’t matter! The flyer says I get a free upgrade and a better DVR!”

Me: “Upgraded from what exactly, ma’am?”

Caller: “From what you’re giving me today! That’s why I called! Now give me the f****** deal!”

(Dumbfounded, I figure I might as well argue insanity with insanity.)

Me: “I’m a big fan of green jello.”

Caller: “WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I WANT A MANAGER!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Please hold.”

(I explain everything to our team lead and he gets on the phone.)

Team Lead: “Hi, ma’am. This is [Name]. How can I be of service?”

Caller: “You need to get your people in order. They don’t know s***!”

Team Lead: “Ma’am, are you saying you dislike green jello? Because we just won’t tolerate that.”

Caller: “WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT!?”

Team Lead: “An advertisement in the mail doesn’t change your credit score. That’s what my team member was telling you but you continued to act like a child. Do not call our department again unless you’re willing to be more polite to my team.”

Caller: “Y’all are trying to play me! I’m getting my momma. She’ll straighten you out!”

Team Lead: “I bet, considering the great job she did with you.”

Coated In Confusion

| TX, USA | Funny Names

(At the department store where I work we have call boxes where customers can request assistance. When the button is pressed, the name of the department where the customer needs help is paged over the PA system.)

Customer: *to coworker* “Excuse me. My wife was just paged to swimwear. What does that mean? Where is that?”

Coworker: *confused* “Um, we don’t have any swimwear right now. The section where it would be has coats right now.”

Customer: “But she was paged to swimwear!”

(My coworker looks at me for help. I’m several feet away and haven’t really been paying attention to the conversation, so I think he is just trying to find swimwear.)

Me: “All our swimwear is on clearance now since we have all our coats in, but we will probably get some in a few weeks.”

Customer: “But they paged my wife to swimwear!”

Me: “Yeah that’s where the coats are—”

Coworker: “What’s your wife’s name?”

Customer: “Coats?”

Coworker: “No, what’s your wife’s name?”

Customer: “Coats!”

(Suddenly something dawns on me.)

Me: “Wait, did the page say, ‘Misses’ Coats and Swimwear?'”

Customer: “Yeah! Mrs. Coates in swimwear!”

Me: “Oh, that’s just the call box. Someone needed help in that section so it announced it over the PA.”

Customer: “Oh…” *walks away looking confused*

A Sign Of Things To Come

| New Zealand | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m on my very first day of in-store training, going over the basics of what is done. My boss mentions that no matter how big or how close to your heads the signs are, customers will always ask us something that’s written on the signs.)

Me: “They can’t really be that dense. Can they?”

Boss: “You’d be surprised.”

(A customer comes up to the counter just then and my boss takes over, as I don’t know my job well enough to serve yet.)

Customer: “Hi. Can I put down a deposit for [game]?”

Boss: “Sure thing!”

Customer: “Great! When does it come out?”

(There is a poster for this game literally ten centimeters to the right of his head hanging from the ceiling with the release date on it in emboldened letters, just like each of the ten posters for this game hung throughout the store.)

Boss: “[Date].”

Customer: “Oh, cool. Also, how much is [upcoming major console]?”

(There is a very large wall poster for this console directly behind him, amidst a display of boxes for this console that also has the price in very large numbers.)

Boss: “Console will be [price], though we’ve pre-sold out of the first two shipments.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks a bunch!” *leaves*

Me: “… That did not just happen.”

Boss: “Get used to it. It happens.”