Can’t Hide That You Lied About The Ride

| MN, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

Me: “Sorry, can I double check your son’s height? I just want to make sure he’s tall enough.”

Guest: “Ugh, all right! [Son], stand against the sign.” *to me* “He’s been on this one before. He loves it! It’s his favorite ride.”

(The guest’s son is just tall enough to ride, so I let them in. I run the ride, but notice that her son is noticeably frightened. As they get off the ride, I decide to question the guest.)

Me: “Is it still his favorite ride?”

Guest: “What?! No! He’s never been on this one before!”

Unintentional Prejudice Is Still A Kick In The Teeth

| Tennessee, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words

(I’m a British exchange student working at a Tennessee supermarket. I have a very obvious accent. I’m stocking the shelves when I need to place an item out of my reach.)

Me: “Hey, [coworker], can you give me a hand?”

Customer: “Oh, my! Your accent is amazing! Are you English?”

(I nod.)

Customer: “Oooh, ooh… can you say…” *in a very bad Cockney accent* “Can I please get some help setting up this fish and chips so I can retire for tea time?”

Me: “Erm? Sorry, I won’t.”

Customer: “Well, why not?! I thought all you British people liked tea and fish and chips.”

Coworker: “If I were to ask you why you aren’t wearing blue jean overalls or ending every sentence with “Y’all”, would you be offended?”

Customer: “Well, of course I would!”

(Both my coworker and I raise our eyebrows at her. We watch as her face turns red with realization.)

Customer: “O-oh… I’m sorry.”

(The customer quickly walks to the next aisle, face still red as a beet.)

Coworker: “Sorry about that. We get a lot of people like that around here.”

Me: “Well, at least she didn’t make a comment about my teeth.”

Schwarzenegger Fi

| Long Island, NY, USA | Bizarre, Military, Zombies

(I work in a New Age sort of store, so we get some interesting types.)

Customer: “I’m the son of Jesus and am preparing for World War III. Do you own any guns?”

Me: “Yeah, I do actually.”

Customer: “Good! You can come fight with me and my friends when the armies come.”

Me: “Um… no thanks. I actually have my own apocalypse plan, in case of zombies and stuff.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Well, make sure that when it happens, you watch out for any Marines you see!”

Me: *shocked* “My brother is a Marine!”

Customer: *shakes head sadly* “He’s lost. He’s a cyborg. You’ll have to destroy him before he destroys you!”

Me: “Thanks for the heads up…”

Suddenly At A Loss For Words

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bigotry, Top

(A customer has just called one of our new employees the N-word for not bagging his groceries to his liking. The manager, a 5’4″ blond woman, runs out of the store and begins berating the customer in question.)

Manager: “How dare you call one of my clerks that! What is wrong with you?”

Customer: “F*** YOU, LADY! WHAT THE F*** DO YOU KNOW?!”

(At that moment, the aforementioned bagger’s brothers happen to be walking into the store. Both brothers are at least 6’2″.)

Brother #1: “What’s going on?”

Manager: “This a**hole called your sister the N-word.”

Brother #2: “What?!”

Brother #1: *to the customer* “HOW ‘BOUT YOU SAY THAT TO ME?!

(Seeing that customer run out of a parking lot was the best possible thing to lift our spirits on a busy day!)

Biting Off More Than He Can Chew

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals, Top

(I work at a dinosaur trail, where people can walk through the forest and look at robotic dinosaurs. On this particular day, a guest with one arm comes onto the trail. About half an hour later, he comes back out.)

Me: “So, did you enjoy the trail?”

Guest: “I got my arm bit off.”

Coworker: *without skipping a beat* “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t give refunds.”

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