This Dollar Is Noncents

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid

(Every Monday, my video rental store has a special where you can rent any movie for $1.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me more about this dollar Monday thing?”

Me: “Of course. Every Monday, all of the DVDs in store are just $1 to hire!”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means you can come in and rent any movie you want, new or old, for just $1!”

Customer: “So, does that mean weekly movies?”

Me: *smiling* “It sure does, everything is included!”

Customer: “Well, what about 5 night hires? Are they included?”

Me: *still smiling* “Yes, sir. All of the DVDs are included in this special.”

Customer: “Okay, so what about 3 night hires?”

Me: “They are. Everything is included in this deal—new releases and weekly movie rentals.”

Customer: “Okay, good. And what about overnight hires? Are they $1 too?”

Me: “Yep. As I said before, all movies are $1 to hire.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! Why does it have to be so confusing? You people need to make it less complicated so normal people can understand!” *storms out*

Making A Soap Opera Out Of Soup

| WA, USA | Language & Words

(I am a grocery clerk at a local grocery store.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where your soup is? I have been looking forever. All that I can see is dish liquid.”

Me: “That is on aisle 8.”

Customer: “That is stupid! I have spent all this time on aisle 12! It’s false advertising to have a sign up if there is no soup on the aisle.”

Me: “Sir, that says ‘Soap.’ ‘Soup’ is on aisle 8.”

Customer: *turns bright red, glares and walks away*

This Silver Story Is Pure Gold

| New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Religion

(A woman is attempting to return some rusted silverware she brought around five years ago from our store. Since it’s no longer on file and I can’t find any information on it, I call my manager, who happens to be both a former priest, and married.)

Manager: “Okay, ma’am, please understand I can’t return this for its original price as this set is no longer in our system. I can return it for the price of our cheapest on-hand set, though.”

Customer: “No, I want it for the original price. Nothing less. It was about $90.00, I believe.”

Manager: “I am sorry ma’am, but I can’t do that on an item that’s over five years old.”

Customer: “Oh, I think you can.” *she leans over the register and purses her lips* “I’d make it worth your while.”

Manager: “Excuse me?”

Customer: *smiles seductively* “I’m sure I could find some means of compensating you for such a nice favor.”

(My manager stares at the woman for several seconds, then pulls out his wallet.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I’d like you to have a look at this…”

(The manager pulls out his ID that shows he’s been ordained.)

Manager: “Now, I want you to look at this.”

(He pulls out a picture of him with his wife, while holding up the hand his wedding ring is on.)

Manager: “Now, I want you to take your cruddy silverware and leave before I call security.”

Customer: *reels back* “Well, I never! I hope that b**** divorces your a** and takes everything you own, you f***!” *storms out*

Real Superheroes Are In The Running

| Kissimiee, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

(I am part of a charity group that dresses up like superheroes. We are attending a 5k run to benefit a children’s charity, cheering on over 1000 runners. The guys dressed as Superman and the Flash agreed to run the first fifth of the race.)

Batgirl cosplayer: “There’s Superman!”

Superman cosplayer: “Hey guys. Lost Flash back there… so, we’re near the finish line?”

Me: “There’s the finish line.”

Superman cosplayer: “Nice!”

Route supervisor: “First runner coming!”

(We all start cheering and clapping, like we are supposed to.)

Superman cosplayer: “Oh, thank god it’s him!”

Me: “Huh?”

Superman cosplayer: “When Flash and I were lining up, a bunch of the ‘professional’ runners shoved us out of the way so we wouldn’t slow down their start. One of the runners told them to back off.”

(We all cheer loudly as we see the heroic runner cross the finish line for a first place finish.)

Superman cosplayer: “And here come some more ‘pros’. Wait, what the…”

(Running with the ‘professionals’ is a boy who looks about eight. As the event is about kids, we cheer him instead. He beats half of them!)

Me: “You go kiddo! You beat the Flash!”

(Both the first place finisher and the little boy came back to thank us for cheering them on. It was awesome!)

A Brush With Stupidity

| Haifa, Israel | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I’m the manager of a pizzeria. I have all my employees keep their hair very short and clean-shaven. This happens when a customer comes up after just having been served her pizza. Everyone working this shift also has black hair.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but there’s a long, blond hair in my pizza!”

(She stares at me as though expecting me to do something. She also has long blond hair.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that hair didn’t come from us.”

Customer: “But it’s on my pizza! You have to do something!”

Me: “I don’t know what I can do other than to give you directions to the nearest drug store to buy a comb.”

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