The Grandmother Of All Threats

| CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work in my stepdad’s medical office. I am about 10 minutes late due to a car accident delaying traffic. There is an older patient waiting outside the office.)

Patient: *testily* “Why are you late?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. There was an accident on my way in delaying traffic. Let me unlock the door, and I’ll help you.”

Patient: “Well, I was going to leave, but I’ll see Dr. [Name] now.”

Me: “Once again, I’m very sorry, ma’am. He’s not in his office today. He’s doing school testing.”

Patient: “This is unacceptable. Your sign says you’re open from 10-4 on Thursdays!”

Me: “Ma’am, do you have an appointment?”

Patient: “No, you stupid girl! I don’t need an appointment!”

Me: “Well, our sign also says we don’t take walk-ins. So yes, you do need one.”

Patient: “This is outrageous! Why can’t I see the doctor?”

Me: “I just told you that, ma’am. Now I can schedule an appointment for you, or—”

Patient: “You call the doctor and get him back here right now! If you don’t, I’ll have my grandson come by and beat you up!”

Me: “Ma’am, I think you need to leave.”

Patient: “Why? I’m paying you!”

Me: “Because you just threatened to have me assaulted. If you do not leave immediately, I will call hospital security and have you escorted out.”

(She doesn’t leave. She calls her grandson, who apparently turns down her offer for him to come and hurt me, and I call security. The following Monday, a young man about my age walks into the office. He is holding a bouquet of flowers.)

Young Man: “Hi, are you the lady my grandmother asked me to beat up?”

Me: “Yes, I think that would be me.”

Young Man: *hands me the flowers* “I am so sorry. She does this every time she doesn’t get her way. I just wanted to thank you for being one of the few to not cave to her demands.”

Not Impressed With Man Meat

| Orlando, FL, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at the deli counter of my store. I am slicing meat for a customer who appears very grumpy. She watches me slice, bag, label, and hand her the meat.)

Customer: “No! This meat is all WRONG!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “You sliced it too thick!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I did ask you if that thickness was okay, and you said yes.”

Customer: “Then you held it funny! I couldn’t see it right! I’m not buying this s***!”

Me: “Would you like me to get the manager?”

Customer: “No, he’s probably an incompetent scumbag like you!”

Me: “She might be able to help make sure you are satisfied, ma’am.”

(The customer perks up immediately and looks at me with a predatory sneer.)

Customer: “Oh really? Your manager is a woman?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Then call her over here so I can explain how you f***** up my meat!”

(Sighing, I pick up the intercom phone and call the manager over.)

Customer: “That just makes you furious, doesn’t it? Taking orders from a woman?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You think you’re better than us, but you have to do what she says or she can fire you!”

Me: “Uh, not really. I’ve had plenty of female supervisors.”

Customer: “And that just burns you up inside, DOESN’T IT?!”

Me: “Why would you assume that?”

Customer: “BECAUSE YOU’RE A MAN!”

The Little Mermaid Student

| New Zealand | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Top

(I am a swimming teacher for mainly children under five. It is after the final lesson of the day. I am standing chatting to the parents. A young girl I have just been teaching walks up to me.)

Young Girl: “Excuse me. What are you doing?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Young Girl: “Why aren’t you in the pool?”

Me: “I don’t have anyone else to teach today. You were my last class.”

Young Girl: “But I thought you lived in the pool. Aren’t you a mermaid, miss?”

(I have to fight back the laughter as this little girl is completely serious, and is horrified to learn I don’t live in the pool! It’s things like this that make my job worthwhile.)