Having A Sub-epiphany

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

(I’m standing in line behind a very well-dressed, mid-fifties lady.)

Lady: “What’s the difference between a 6-inch sub and a 12-inch sub?”

Employee: *shows a 12-inch bread* “Well, this is a 12-inch sub…”

(She then moves her hand to the middle of the bread.)

Employee: “…and this is the size of a 6-inch sub.”

(The lady acts like if she has just found out the meaning of life.)

Lady: “Oh, so a 6-inch is around half the size of a 12-inch sub!”

The Great State Of Confusion, Part 4

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Geography

(We provide a legal advice service, but we do not take calls about criminal matters.)

Client: “Yes, hello. I live in Mississippi, and I’m calling because my husband got arrested and I—”

Me: “Ma’am, I am very sorry to cut you off, but I do need to let you know we do not provide advice for criminal matters.”

Client: “Oh. Um, can you tell me someone who might?”

Me: “I do not have any numbers to give you, but you’ll want to contact a criminal attorney in your state.”

Client: “Can you give me a number for that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, our office is in Maryland. I do not have any numbers for your area.”

Client: “Well, I’m in Mississippi, but he was in Georgia. Can you give me a number for a lawyer?”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but we’re in Maryland. I do not have any numbers for down that way.”

Client: “Can’t you just look in the phone book and give me the number for the police department?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We’re in Maryland. I do not have a Georgia phone book.”

Client: “What about the number for information?”

Me: “I do not have that.”

Client: “You don’t have the information number for your state?”

Me: *speaking a little more obviously* “No. That is not our state, ma’am.”

Client: “Well what state are you in?”

Me: *sigh*

Related:
The Great State Of Confusion, Part 3
Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
The Great State Of Confusion
The Great State Of Ignorance

Faith Renewed In The Drive-Thru

| Columbia, PA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money, Top

(A customer comes in, and once she makes it clear that she doesn’t want to order anything, I’m expecting a complaint.)

Customer: “I know this is going to sound strange, but just hear me out. I went through the drive-thru this morning and they put a burrito in my bag that I didn’t pay for. I would like to pay for that now.”

Me: “You… came back here to pay for something that you got, but didn’t order?”

Customer: “Yes!” *beams*

Me: *flustered and a little confused, I ring up the burrito* “That will be $1.06.”

(The customer hands me the money happily and goes on her way. For me, this was an incredible show of honesty. Lady, wherever you are, thank you for restoring my faith in humanity.)

18 And Blunder, Part 2

| Bangor, ME, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

(I work in a store that carries all kinds of DVDs, from G-rated all the way up to X and everything in-between. A boy, no older than 12, brings a soft-core pornography DVD up to my register.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell this to you.”

Boy: “Why not?!”

Me: “It’s inappropriate for someone of your age.”

Boy: “My mom said I could have it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I still can’t sell it to you.”

(The boy storms out of the store.)

Co-worker: “Can you believe that?  Like his mom really said he could have that!”

Me: “I know. Either he’s lying, or his mom only said he could have it because she doesn’t know what it’s about.”

(Shortly thereafter the boy returns to the store with his mom. His mom stomps around the store, gets the DVD, and slams it down in front of me.)

Mom: “I can’t believe I had to get out of the car for this!  You should have just sold it to him! He told you that I said he could have it!”

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but I can’t sell that video to anyone under the age of 18.”

Mom: “Why not? Discrimination?”

Me: “Not at all. It just contains things that most people feel is inappropriate for a child to see.”

(The mom picks up the DVD and examines it for the first time. She looks at the front and then starts reading the back. The more she reads, the wider her eyes get. All of a sudden she drops the DVD and starts spanking her son’s butt. She drags him out of the store by his arm.)

Boy: “But mom, you said I could have it!”

Mom: “I didn’t know what it was about! I’m so embarrassed! I can’t believe I almost bought you porn!”

Related:
18 And Blunder

Up And Down Is Not Right

| Thornton, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I do tech support for a satellite TV company. Often, troubleshooting requires that we walk customers through various menus to reset or fix certain settings. All of these are navigated by the remote, and the agents would walk the customer through each and every screen with detailed directions. I have been on the phone with a caller for an hour and a half.)

Me: “…and so, sir, I need you to push the left arrow on your remote until the dial all the way on the left of your screen is highlighted.”

Caller: “It’s not working.”

Me: “Well, that’s strange. Let’s back out one step and try it again. Go ahead and select the third option on the list. Now, once you’re in this next screen, press the left arrow button four times.”

(This continues for some time, with the customer telling me various and strange results that he should not have gotten following the directions.)

Me: “Okay, sir. Now, select the third option. Push the left arrow button once. What do you see highlighted in yellow?”

Caller: “It says ‘satellite feed’.”

Me: “That’s the button above the default. Sir, which button are you pushing? We need to go to the left of the screen.”

Caller: “Wait, did you mean left as in ‘left and right’, or left as in ‘up and down’?”

Me: *pause* “Left as in ‘left and right’, sir.”

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