His Table Lawsuit Won’t Have A Leg To Stand On

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

(My family is out to dinner at a Chinese buffet. My boss texts me from the furniture store where I work. I’m known for getting the problem customers.)

Boss: “You’re not allowed to sell to psychos anymore!”

Me: “But they’re my best business! But, seriously. What happened?”

(My boss proceeds to tell me about a customer that already harassed me three times the day before, as well as the customer service line several times, and tried to prevent our drivers from leaving his home after his delivery. His complaint was that his table was the wrong shade of brown.)

Boss: “He sent me an email complaining that he’s talking to highly educated people about suing us.”

Me: “Ha! His lawyer can call my lawyer! I’ll sue for harassment.”

(I happen to open my fortune cookie at this point and start laughing. I send my boss a picture. The fortune reads ‘A judgment will rule in your favor.’)

Me: “Fortune cookie says we can take him!”

Mom Is Breaking Bad Habits

| Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I am serving a customer who is purchasing over $600 worth of clothing and accessories for her son’s upcoming 21st birthday, as well as making an exchange on his behalf.)

Me: “Okay. Was there anything else before I process the exchange?”

Customer: “No. Here you go!”

(She hands me the bag with the original item. As I remove it from the bag, an obviously used meth pipe falls onto the counter.)

Me: *in disbelief* “Um…”

Customer: “Oh, my God! What is that?”

Me: “Um, it’s a pipe…”

Customer: “A pipe? Like a smoking pipe? What is it for?”

Me: *I pause, unsure of how to break it to her*

Customer: “Is it for marijuana?!”

(By now she is already visibly flustered, looking incredibly angry, and, most of all, mortified. I decide not to tell her what it really is, in fear of her having a heart attack in front of me.)

Me: “Yeah. It’s for marijuana.”

Customer: “I’m going to kill him! What else is he doing? Oh, my God. I’m so embarrassed!”

Me: “He’s obviously got a lot of explaining to do?”

Customer: “I’ll have to confront him about this. Who knows if he’ll be getting anything at all for his birthday?!”

(To my surprise, she actually still purchased everything. I do wonder if her son confessed to what he was actually smoking!)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27

| USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a call center for a major department store’s credit card – a card you can only use in that specific store. You could also make your monthly payment for the card in person at the store. On a rare occasion this can cause a small bit of confusion to some customers.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store Name] credit. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I just received a bill from you for something I’ve already paid for! You need to fix this right now!”

Me: “I’m very sorry for the confusion. Let me look at your account so we can get this straightened out. It says you purchased [quite expensive item] on [date]. Do you remember purchasing this item?”

Customer: “I already told you I did, but I’ve already paid for this!”

Me: “Did you pay cash in the store, but the clerk charged your card accidentally when they entered your personal information for your warranty?”

Customer: “No! I didn’t pay cash! I put it on my card! I shouldn’t be getting a bill from you!”

Me: “So, it was charged to a different credit card, not your [Store] credit card?”

Customer: “Are you stupid? I used my [Store] credit card, but I’ve already paid for this. I’m not paying for it again!”

Me: “I apologize for asking so many questions. I just want to make sure I understand you correctly so I can solve your problem. You used your [Store] credit card to make the purchase. Did you also make a payment to your card in the store?”

Customer: “Why would I do that? I already paid for it WITH my card! Why would I give you any more money?”

Me: “Ma’am, you do understand that when you pay for an item with your credit card, you’re signing an agreement to pay for your purchase later? A credit card is sort of like a loan so you can make the purchase you want today, and then make small payments on it over time.”

Customer: “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! What’s the point of having a credit card if I still have to pay for what I’m buying?!”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25