Coffee, Strong, And Proud

| Concord, NH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

(Note: during the course of this conversation the customer uses several degrading terms for people of Middle-Eastern and African descent.)

Customer #1: *slaps a $10 bill on the counter* “I’ll have a pack of [racial slur] delights.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer #1: “You know, [different racial slur] specials! You know, the cigarettes the [yet another racial slur] make!”

Me: “You mean Camels?”

Customer #1: “That’s what I said I wanted, isn’t it?”

Me: “Not even close. You used several highly offensive racial slurs, but not once did you ask for a pack of cigarettes.”

Customer #1: “Whatever. Just get me the f***ing cigarettes!”

Me: “Yeah, that’s not happening. I’m exercising my right to refuse you service. The door’s right over there, have a nice day!”

Customer #1: “You’re kidding, right? What the f*** is your problem?”

Me: “It’s simple, really. If someone is bothering other customers, I am required to kick them out of the store. Your crude and abusive language is clearly bothering the customers in line behind you, so there you go. Goodbye.”

Customer #1: “What the f*** is wrong with you! What’s wrong with calling a [slur] a [slur]? They’re all f***ing [slurs], and you’re all a bunch of f***ing b****ds. You hear me? You’re all—”

(At this point Customer #1 turns around to yell at the other people in line, but cuts off as he catches sight of the customer right behind him. Customer #2 is a male African-American that could accurately be described as ‘terrifyingly enormous’. It should also be noted that one of the slurs Customer #1 has been using was aimed at African-Americans.)

Customer #1: “Whoa, man. I said ‘sand [slur]’. I don’t have any problem with you!”

Customer #2: *stares down at Customer #1* “Lemme see if I’ve got this right. You’re a loud-mouthed, ignorant, bigoted a**hole, but that shouldn’t bother me because you don’t have a problem with me specifically?”

Customer #1: “Uh, yes?”

Customer #2: “Uh, no. The nice man behind the counter asked you to leave the store. I suggest you do so before I decide you need some help getting through the door.”

(Customer #1 immediately flees out the door, allowing Customer #2 to put his four coffees on the counter.)

Customer #2: “Just the coffees, my friend.”

Me: “Dude, the look on that guy’s face was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. For that, and for helping me out, your coffee is on me.”

(The next day I told my manager what happened. After reviewing the security tapes (and laughing for a good 20 minutes) she gave me a nearly half a box of free coffee vouchers to give Customer #2. When I quit two years later, he still hadn’t run out of them.)

Putting The Dire Into Directions

| Berlin, Germany | Geography

(My department store doesn’t sell all the ranges of clothes that the chain produces. However, there is another store just 200 meters to the left that I always tell people to go to when they are looking for an item we don’t have.)

Customer: “Do you have these shoes in [size]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have any in stock, but if you can’t find your size here you could try the other store, which is two hundred meters to the left.”

Customer: “So, I go out and then to the right?”

Me: “No, the store is just to the left.”

Customer: “How far is it?”

Me: “As I said, just two hundred meters from here.”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know? I’m from [another big city nearby].”

Me: “Yeah, but two hundred meters is the same distance in that place as it is here.”

Customer: *sighing* “This city is just too big for me!”

Judging A Book By Its Cover, Part 2

| NE, USA | Crazy Requests

(I am shelving books when a young lady, probably in college, comes up to me.)

Patron: “Excuse me, miss, could you please help me find a book for my class?”

Me: “Sure, no problem. What’s the title?”

Patron: “I can’t remember.”

Me: “Well, okay, what’s the author’s name?”

Patron: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Can you tell me what the book was about, then?”

Patron: “It’s for literature class!”

Me: “Yes, but can you give me any idea what it might be about? Is it fantasy, science fiction, a mystery?”

Patron: “I don’t know yet. I haven’t read it!”

Me: “Um…do you know anything about the book?”

Patron: “Yeah. I think the cover’s blue.”

Me: “…Then how are you going to find it?”

Patron: “I just told you: I need it for class! Can’t you just help me?”

Me: *giving up* “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t find a book with nothing but the color of the cover.”

Patron: “But you work here! Isn’t that your job?!”

Related:
Judging A Book By Its Cover

This Dollar Is Noncents

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid

(Every Monday, my video rental store has a special where you can rent any movie for $1.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me more about this dollar Monday thing?”

Me: “Of course. Every Monday, all of the DVDs in store are just $1 to hire!”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means you can come in and rent any movie you want, new or old, for just $1!”

Customer: “So, does that mean weekly movies?”

Me: *smiling* “It sure does, everything is included!”

Customer: “Well, what about 5 night hires? Are they included?”

Me: *still smiling* “Yes, sir. All of the DVDs are included in this special.”

Customer: “Okay, so what about 3 night hires?”

Me: “They are. Everything is included in this deal—new releases and weekly movie rentals.”

Customer: “Okay, good. And what about overnight hires? Are they $1 too?”

Me: “Yep. As I said before, all movies are $1 to hire.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! Why does it have to be so confusing? You people need to make it less complicated so normal people can understand!” *storms out*

Making A Soap Opera Out Of Soup

| WA, USA | Language & Words

(I am a grocery clerk at a local grocery store.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where your soup is? I have been looking forever. All that I can see is dish liquid.”

Me: “That is on aisle 8.”

Customer: “That is stupid! I have spent all this time on aisle 12! It’s false advertising to have a sign up if there is no soup on the aisle.”

Me: “Sir, that says ‘Soap.’ ‘Soup’ is on aisle 8.”

Customer: *turns bright red, glares and walks away*

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