The Register Light Is On But Nobody’s Home

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I live in a small town with only two grocery stores. I’m constantly complimented on my friendliness and professionalism. When it’s slow, we assist customers. Today a customer has asked me to return a cart, during which we’re told to put our closed sign up on our lane, but keep the light on. After assisting three more customers, I wander back to my till that has the closed sign up to find a woman unloading her cart at my till.)

Me: “Oh! Hello, ma’am. Just for future reference, even if the light is on, but the closed sign is up, the till is not open. That way you won’t have to wait next time.”

Customer: “THE LIGHT WAS ON! YOU’RE OPEN IF IT’S ON!”

Me: “Ma’am, I do apologize, but the sign was clearly up. I’m just letting you know for next time so you won’t be delayed! I truly apolo—”

Customer: “IF THE F****** LIGHT IS ON, YOU’RE GODDAMNED OPEN. SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND DO YOUR JOB!”

Me: “Ma’am, I truly am sorry about that—”

(At this point, the customer has finished slamming her purchases onto the counter and leans over the lane to be about two inches from my face. It should be noted I’m in my mid-twenties.)

Customer: “I DID NOT COME HERE TO BE LECTURED BY SOME STUPID LITTLE CHILD!”

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize. I wasn’t trying to lecture you—”

Customer: “MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU CAN SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND DO YOUR JOB, YOU IDIOT!”

(At this point I stay quiet throughout the rest of the transaction, process her card, and hand her the receipt to sign. I say nothing.)

Customer: “Thank you!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I SAID THANK YOU!”

(As she leaves, she pulls over my supervisor.)

Customer: “I need to give a formal complaint about the horrible and disrespectful service this employee gave!”

(The next customer going through the till behind me walks over.)

Next Customer: “And I have to comment on how polite that employee was, despite you being so rude!”

(Both customers got into a verbal altercation. Thank you to the random customer who stood up for me!)

It’s No Trouble Causes You Trouble

| AB, Canada | Crazy Requests

(All week long, we’ve been giving away tickets to a concert on Saturday night. As our offices close at noon, I’ve been telling all the concert winners to be at the station before noon on Friday to pick up their tickets. I duck down to the station on Saturday morning to do some paperwork I’d fallen behind on, when the phone rings…)

Caller: “Yeah, I just want to say you’re all a bunch of lying jerks! I won tickets to the concert tonight, and the stupid DJ said I had to come to the station AFTER noon on Friday to pick them up, and you were closed!”

Me: “Are you sure, ma’am? I was the one giving away the tickets all week, and I was certain I told all the winners BEFORE noon on Friday.”

Caller: “ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR? YOU SAID AFTER NOON ON FRIDAY! And I really wanted to go to this concert, too! You are the worst station ever for lying to your listeners like this!”

Me: “Well, I have no doubt that some kind of miscommunication took place, and for that, I do apologize. But, you’re in luck. Because I’m here today putting in some overtime, you can come down to the station right now and pick up your tickets!”

Caller: “Wait, what?”

Me: “Yeah. The concert isn’t until tonight, and I’ve got nothing else to do today. I can gladly wait down here at the station for you to come get your tickets today.”

Caller: “What? No… no… I live outside of town, and I didn’t want to come back into town today.”

Me: “Oh, um, okay. I feel really bad about you not getting your tickets, so how about this: I’m just about done here. How about then if I hop in the company truck, and deliver the tickets to you?”

Caller: “What? No! No. I live really far away, and I don’t want you to go through all that trouble.”

Me: “As I said, ma’am, I’ve got nothing else to do today, and I’ve got a full tank of gas. Where do you live?”

Caller: “No! Don’t go through all that trouble. I’m just disappointed because this was the first time I’d ever won anything.”

Me: “Okay, then, how about this: on Monday morning, I’ll talk to my boss and see if we can arrange some kind of alternative prize. It won’t be time sensitive, like tickets, so you’ll be able to come down and pick it up whenever you like.”

Caller: “No! Stop going through all this trouble for me!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m at a loss. I’m very sorry for the miscommunication that’s caused you to miss out on your concert. I’ve offered everything within my power to make it up to you, and you said no to everything. What can the station do to make this up to you?”

Caller: “Well… I… um… bah! I wasn’t expecting anyone to actually be there working today! I just wanted to leave an angry voice mail complaining about the situation!”

Me: “Would you like my boss’s voice mail so you can still make your complaint?”

Caller: “Well, no! Not now. You’ve tried so hard to make it up to me, that it wouldn’t seem right.”

Me: *sighs* “I’m transferring you to my boss’s voice mail.”

(On Monday morning, after hearing the voice mail and listening to my tale, the boss actually reamed me out for being patient with her beyond human reason!)

Doesn’t Give Two Hoots About Listening

| AB, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

(My city is having an annual festival in the downtown area. I have an animatronic owl that I like to bring out on such occasions. It sits on my shoulder and moves in a very life-like manner. Kids love it and are very respectful of it. Adults, on the other hand are not. A woman grabs me by the shoulder, spins me around, and yells…)

Woman: “WHAT IS THAT?!”

Me: “Whoa… um, please don’t touch me. It’s a puppet.”

(I begin to walk away, but she grabs me again and tries to knock the owl off my shoulder.)

Woman: “IT LOOKS SO REAL! WHY DO YOU HAVE AN OWL ON YOUR SHOULDER?! HAVING A PET OWL IS ILLEGAL!”

Me: “Again, please don’t touch me, and DO NOT touch my puppet. And it IS a puppet, not real. It’s made of faux fur, polymer and cables.”

(The woman starts yelling to a police officer, who is monitoring the event.)

Woman: “THIS WOMAN HAS A PET OWL! ARREST HER! IT’S ILLEGAL!”

(The officer comes over, and examines my owl puppet.)

Officer: “So how does this thing work?”

(I explain how I control it with a hidden cable, and how it’s made.)

Woman: “SHE’S LYING! THAT’S A REAL BIRD!”

Officer: “Ma’am, it’s obviously a puppet. A very neat and realistic puppet, but a puppet all the same. I’m going to have to ask you to stop yelling; you’re causing a disturbance.”

Woman: “DON’T LET HER FOOL YOU! IT’S A REAL BIRD!”

(I remove the owl from my shoulder, showing that it stays put with magnets and reveal the hidden cable.)

Woman: “MURDERER! YOU MURDERED AN INNOCENT OWL! MURDERER!”

Officer: “Okay, that’s it. You’re coming with me!”