Like Selling Candy To A Banshee

| Nevada, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(This is a call from me to a customer who owns a candy store, regarding an order they placed for a candy-making mix. We had the wrong expiration date for their credit card. Please note that this order is marked as being needed in a rush.)

Woman: “Hello, [candy store].”

Me: “Hello, this is [name] from [candy supply company].”

Woman: “We’re not interested!” *hangs up*

(I call back.)

Woman: “Hello, [candy store].”

Me: “Hi, this is [name] again. I think there was a misunderstanding. We’re calling about an order you already placed.”

Woman: *scoffs* “Really…”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. [Candy store owner] called and put in an order this morning for candy mix, but we must not have heard the expiration date correctly.”

Woman: “So, you call saying we ordered something, and you want me to just give you a credit card number?”

Me: “No, we have the number. We just need to check the expiration date. Is [candy store owner] there?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “Okay, could I leave a message for him that we won’t be able to send out your candy mix without getting the correct expiration date?”

Woman: “We’re a homemade candy company. What makes you assume we use a mix for our candy?”

Me: “Because we sell it to you.”

Woman: “We make our candy homemade. We’re not interested in buying yours. How dare you suggest we make it from a mix?!”

Me: “Ma’am, a lot of places label their candy homemade, even when they make it from a mix. I can cancel the order if you’d like, but I’d prefer to speak to [candy store owner] before I do.”

Woman: “He’s not here, and I’m sure as h*** not giving you any credit card information. It’s a f***ing scam!”

(The woman hangs up again. About a week later, I get a call from the man who owns the store.)

Owner: “Hi, this is [owner] from [candy store]. I was calling to see where my order was.”

Me: “We tried to get in touch with you about having the wrong expiration date on the credit card the same day you placed the order. The woman I spoke to told me you would me making the candy from scratch and were no longer interested in the order, so I canceled it.”

Owner: “****! I’m gonna kill her!”

Pleased To Fake Your Acquaintance

| Kansas, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top, Underaged

(I am working the overnight shift at a gas station when a young woman approaches and asks for a pack of cigarettes. She looks a bit young, so I ask for an ID. I glance at it and see that she is indeed old enough, but there is something just a bit off about the ID. We’re instructed to verify some information when we’re not sure if an ID is real or not.)

Me: “Okay, what’s your date of birth?”

Customer: *correctly states the DOB on the id*

Me: “Good, what street do you live on?”

Customer: “Washington.”

Me: “So far, so good. One last question. What class did we have together our freshman year?”

Customer: “Uh…”

Me: “Nice try. I can’t accept this ID. Say hi to your sister for me, though.”

Beyond Help

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | At The Checkout

(I’m at the pharmacy picking up some toothpaste, and I overhear two women standing behind on line.)

Customer #1: “Uh God, this is so slow.”

Customer #2: “I know, and I hate these self check-out things. I wish they would have a cashier, a real cashier, just one, for those of us who don’t want to use these things.”

Me: “Ma’am. They do a have a cashier. She’s right over there. See those people?”

(I point to the side of the store where a cashier is checking out customers.)

Customer #2: “I don’t want to walk way over there!”

The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 10

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at my parents’ bookshop part time and have just gotten off shift. I am still in my uniform (khakis, blue polo, sneakers). I go to another bookstore for a Girl Scout fundraiser.)

Customer: “Excuse me miss, but could you tell me where to find Breaking Moon from Twilight?”

Me: “I don’t work here, but those are two different books: New Moon and Breaking Dawn.”

Customer: “You must work here if you know that they are two different books.”

Me: “I don’t work here, but I do read books.”

Customer: “You are lying to me! You work here! Kids don’t read books!”

Me: “I assure you, I really do not work here, and many children do read books.”

(Customer #1 then drags me across the store to the cashier’s station.)

Customer: *to cashier* “She works here!”

Cashier: “No, she does not, sir, but I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have.”

Customer: “She must work here! She knows about books! Kids don’t read books!”

(The cashier hands the customer a summer reading list.)

Cashier: “Here is a list of books kids are required to read. You might want to start at the bottom, next to the words ‘Kindergarden Reading List.'”

Customer: *turns blood red and leaves without buying anything*

The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
The Twilight Of Our Literacy

A Devil May Hair Attitude

| Illinois, USA | Bizarre

(I am a male with long red hair. A customer approaches me while I’m stocking a shelf.)

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I actually just wanted to know if that’s your natural hair color.”

Me: “Well, yeah, actually it is.”

Customer: “So, what’s it like living in Hell alongside Satan?!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “I mean, aren’t all gingers the spawn of Satan himself?”

Me:  “Umm, no, we aren’t. That was just an old superstition.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I was wondering what I should prepare for for when I get there!”

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