Should Have Read The Fine-Prints

| MN, USA | Crazy Requests

(I’m a manager in retail. I am called to the photo section after a customer decides he doesn’t want some pictures, but then decides he should get them for free after finding out what a waste prints are.)

Me: “So, these are the pictures you want, and these are the ones you don’t want?”

Customer: “No, I want all those. The ones I don’t want are behind you.”

Me: “Oh, so those are the waste prints.”

Customer: “Yes. What do you do with those?”

Me: “We destroy them.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because pictures are private property. I have to assume you don’t want them shared with strangers, so we dispose of them.”

Customer: “Can I have them for free, then?”

Me: “If I sell them to you, sure.”

Customer: “But you’re just going to destroy them.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “So you should just give them to me for free instead of wasting them.”

Me: “I can’t do that. That’s like handing items on the shelf out for free.”

Customer: “But where’s the profit in just tearing them up?”

Me: “Well, where’s the profit in giving them out for free?”

Customer: “So, there’s no profit anyway. So, you should give them to me for free.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. Again, that’s like handing merchandise out for free. I can give them to you if I can sell them to you, though.”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. Is Kathy here?”

(Note: Kathy is my boss.)

Me: “Nope, not today.”

Customer: “Oh. Because if she were here, she’d give them to me.”

Me: “That may be, but unless I hear it from her, I won’t give them out. If I start handing stuff out for free, I’m going to get in trouble.”

Customer: “Oh no, don’t, I don’t want you to be in trouble, see, I’m a preacher!”

Me: “Well that’s good! I don’t want to be in trouble, either!”

Never Get A Law Student Wind-ed Up

| Scotland, UK | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

(I work as a customer service agent part time whilst obtaining my law degree. It has been a long day of shouting customers.)

Me: “So, sir, I really can’t discuss this with you as it’s all down to our claims team.”

Caller: “But you know it’s with them; you must be able to tell me what I’m getting.”

Me: “Sir, you’re asking me to comment on a legal issue. I’m not trained in this department, so all I can say is that someone will be in touch within the next two days.”

Caller: “I’m not satisfied with that answer. You’re going to tell me what’s happening right now, or you’ll be losing a customer, and if I have my way, your job.”

(This is followed by a 3 minute rant, heavy on the swears. Eventually, I get tired of it and manage to get a word in.)

Me: “Sir, the trolley was blown into your car?”

Caller: “Yes, but I, I’m not satisfi—”

Me: “As in by the wind?”

Caller: “Yes, bu—”

Me: “In that case, what has happened is classed as an Act of God. The store has made the best effort to make sure that trolleys aren’t left around the car park. However, if one person does leave the trolley and then that trolley is blown into a car, we can’t be deemed responsible, because 1) we took the utmost care to make sure that the carts were in the trolley bays, and 2) we don’t control the wind. Frankly, you wouldn’t be entitled to anything, but [brand] does not like bad advertising, so you’ll get something but you are going to have to wait for that till Thursday. Are you satisfied with the answer now, sir?”

Caller: “…Yes.”

(He then ends the call. Only time I’ve been glad for my degree choice.)

Sum-thing Wrong With Our Schools

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I am working the circulation desk at the downtown public library. A patron walks to the desk with a few DVD’s in hand.)

Patron: “Hi! How many DVDs can I get?”

Me: “You can have up to 20 checked out at once.”

(The patron places his DVD’ on the counter.)

Patron: “So, here I have…”

(There is a bit of a pause as he is thinking.)

Me: “…3?”

Patron: “Yes! 3 DVD’s. And you said I could get…”

(Another pause.)

Me: “…20.”

Patron: “Okay, 20 total. That means I can still get…”

(A rather long pause, while the patron is clearly thinking very hard.)

Me: “…17 more.”

Patron: “Whoa! You’re really good with math!”

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Despicable Free

| New Zealand | Awesome Workers, Holidays

(It’s the holiday season and my 6-year-old daughter and I are in our local library. Money had been a little bit tight lately, since we’ve had to spend on decorations and presents and I’m a single parent. The library loans out DVDs, $5 for a week but there is a special section where kids DVDs are free and they are generally Disney movies or kids cartoons/TV shows.)

My Daughter: “Mom, can I get this Despicable Me DVD please? It was in the kids section!”

Me: “Sure thing sweetie. Let me just get my card so we can go.”

(As I self issue the DVD out, I realise it was misplaced in the kids’ section and actually costs $5. My daughter sees this on the screen.)

My Daughter: “No mom, it’s too expensive! I don’t want it anymore.”

Me: “It’s only 5 dollars! It’s fine; we can get it.”

My Daughter: “No no no! I don’t want it anymore!”

(Not wanting to cause a tantrum from her, I go up to the library assistant behind the counter.)

Me: “Hi there, I issued out this DVD a couple of minutes ago, but my daughter doesn’t want it anymore. I was wondering if I could return please?”

Library Assistant: “Is there something wrong with the DVD?”

Me: “Oh, not at all. There was just a little misunderstanding with the price.”

Library Assistant: “Oh. Well, tell you what! Take it for free. Just give me your card and I’ll take the charge off.”

Me: “Thank you! I know it doesn’t seem like much but, $5 is a lot to us. Thank you so much, happy holidays!”

(When I returned to my daughter with the DVD in my hand and told her the whole story, she was grinning from ear to ear. She got up and ran by herself to thank the lovely library assistant and he even gave her a high-five! We’re much better off now, but I’ll never forget that small act of kindness.)

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I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6

| Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Transportation

(I work as a food runner for a hospital. My job requires me to wear a tuxedo. One day after work, I stop by a nearby dollar store to get a soda. I’m sitting on the bench outside the store drinking my soda when a fancy car pulls up right in front of me. A man gets out and walks around the car.)

Man: “Ahem.”

(I look up at him and see he’s looking right at me, but I don’t do anything.)

Man: *louder* “Ahem!”

Me: “What?”

Man: “You incompetent moron! Do you need to be told how to do your job?”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Man: “That’s it, you’ve just lost your tip. Now get over here and park my car.”

(I realized he must think I’m a valet because I’m still wearing my tux.)

Me: “I don’t work here, dude. Leave me alone.”

Man: “You will address me as ‘sir’, and you will do your job right now, or I will go into that store, find your manager and have you fired for your unprofessional behavior. Look at you, drinking cola while you’re on the job! It’s because of people like you that our economy is collapsing!”

Me: “Listen, a**hole, I already told you I don’t work here. Leave me alone and park your own d*** car.”

Man: “That does it, I’m going to find your manager! You’ll be standing in line at the soup kitchen this time next week!”

(He locks his car door and storms into the store. About five minutes later, he returns with the store manager, pointing furiously at me.)

Man: “There, you see? That’s the valet who refused to park my car and insulted me! I demand that you fire him immediately!”

(The manager looks at him like he’s insane.)

Manager: “Sir, we don’t have valets. He doesn’t work here.”

Man: “I don’t want to hear your excuses! You will fire that man immediately!”

Manager: “I told you already, that guy doesn’t work for us. This is [Store].”

Man: “Have you all lost your minds? You think that because Obama’s in the White House that you can get away with not showing me the respect I deserve? You think Obama will save you after people like you destroy this country?”

(The man rants about President Obama and the “destruction of American values” for a good two minutes. The manager is too stunned to say anything. Finally the man gets back in his car and drives away. The manager looks at me and I just shrug.)

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

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