Apps Never Have An Off Day

| HI, USA | Technology

(I am helping a customer become familiar with his new product by showing him how to turn it on and off.)

Me: “If you press and hold the button on the top right hand corner of the device, you’ll see an icon on the screen that you can slide to turn it off.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought they would have an app for that.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “They have apps for everything else, so why not for turning it off? That seems silly.”

Me: “Well, how would you turn it back on if it’s off and you can’t use the screen to get apps?”

Customer: “Oh… well, I thought it was clever!”

Taming The Feral Customers

| Bristol, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work in the Petting Corner are of the zoo, where twice a week we show the new arrivals and the young animals. Today, we have a young tiger cub who has not once attacked as he is quite tame. We have an experienced tiger handler, who is from another branch of our zoo. It’s mostly kids that come to pet the tiger, but some adults seem to love him too.)

Me: “…and here we have the young tiger cub, Jumanji, who comes here twice a week! Now, don’t be shy, he’s tame, and we have our experienced tiger handler Tom on hand! All of you who would like to pet him, please make a queue.”

(I turn to Tom, the tiger handler.)

Me: “Tom, can you hold him in your lap?”

(I move away to make preparations for the next part of Petting Corner. As I do this, a young man with his son pushes ahead, knocking over several young kids. A concerned mother speaks up.)

Mother: “Hey! How dare you! My son has been waiting in line and you barged in?!”

Man: “Shut the f*** up, you b****! Go on, son. Pet the tiger!”

Son: “Yay!” *starts jabbing the tiger in the ribs* “This tiger isn’t doing anything!”

Me: “Stop that! The tiger is getting angry! Don’t jab him!”

(At this point, I’m running to him to stop him, and Tom is trying to shield the tiger’s ribs from him. The tiger tries to scratch the brat, but nicks Tom slightly instead.)

Man: “This tiger isn’t tame at all! My son could have been scratched! I want compensation!”

Me: *angry* “You won’t get any! I demand you get out of this zoo, now!”

(I turn to the kids, trying to be calm as possible.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but the tiger will be back next week.”

Man: *screaming* “DON’T LISTEN! THE TIGER IS DANGEROUS!”

Mother: “Almost as dangerous as you!”

(Suddenly, the mother puts the man in a choke hold—yes, a choke hold—and pins him with the help of the other parents.)

Mother: “Call security!”

(Afterwards, the man was arrested and they were both banned for life. The people who helped got 12-month passes for their assistance!)

Weekly Roundup: Tech Support Classics, Part 3

Not Always Right | Roundups, Technology

Tech Support Classics, Part 3: This week, we feature another five stories that reveal the trials, tribulations, and terrors that technical support employees endure daily! PS–also check out Part 2 and Part 1!

  1. Flipping Out:
    If gramma “flips” out over tech, “switch” things up with the grandson! (6,425 Thumbs Up)
  2. How About Some TechiFlu:
    Warning: spraying for computer bugs definitely does not compute. (2,970 Thumbs Up)
  3. Bad Data, Good Outcome:
    Helping stubborn clients requires a little song and USB cable dance! (4,627 Thumbs Up)
  4. You Are The Weakest Link:
    A caller gets a power-ful lesson in the basics of electricity. (2,753 Thumbs Up)
  5. The Router To Success, Part 2:
    There’s a $100, two-hour reason why tech support always asks you to check your cables first! (2,456 Thumbs Up!)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

This Problem Can’t Get Licked

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(We are doing an adoption event at a retailer in conjunction with four other animal rescue/shelter groups. Each group is in a large tent with dogs that are up for adoption in crates. A lady approaches, she has two kids; a boy about 6 and a girl about 9.)

Woman: “Oh, she is so cute!” *motioning towards a two-year-old Shepherd mix*

Me: “Yes, she is a great dog, and she is great with kids. Would you like me to take her out so you can see how she acts around your children?”

Woman: “Yes, that would be great!”

(I take the dog out of her crate, and have her on a leash. The kids are both petting her and the dog is behaving very well.)

Woman: “Oh… that dog doesn’t lick, does she?”

Me: “Of course she does. All dogs lick.”

Woman: “Oh, you will have to put her back, then. My daughter is allergic to dog saliva. We need a dog that doesn’t lick.”

Me: “Ma’am, all dogs lick. They use their tongue to eat, drink water, clean themselves, and show affection. Maybe a dog is not what you should be looking for.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s bull. I know you have some dogs here that don’t lick. If you don’t, then one of these other groups will.”

Me: “You are welcome to ask around.”

(The woman spent the next 30 minutes going to each tent trying to find a dog that doesn’t use it’s tongue. She ended up going inside and adopting a cat.)

Focaccia, I Choose You

| TX, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “Hello, ma’am, would you like to order?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a Pikachu.”

Me: *confused* “Pardon me?”

Customer: “A Pikachu! A Pikachu!” *points at the menu, where it says ‘focaccia’*

Me: “Right, one Pikachu…”

Page 1,626/3,045First...1,6241,6251,6261,6271,628...Last