Clueless And Shampooless

| Rockford, IL, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words

(A customer comes in to exchange a bottle of conditioner for a bottle of shampoo.)

Customer: “I would like to return this mess. It says ‘Shampoo’ when it clearly reads ‘Conditioner’.”

Me: “I’m sorry for the mix-up. Let’s get you the correct bottle.”

(I proceed to go with her to help her get the right item. After taking a couple seconds to look, she lets out an exasperated sigh.)

Customer: “I can’t believe it! They all say ‘Shampoo’ AND ‘Conditioner’. SEE?!”

(She thrusts the bottle into my hands. I look at it a minute and see what she means.)

Me: “Oh, ma’am, this one is conditioner, but these over here are shampoo.”

Customer: “What?! That’s stupid! Why does it say ‘Shampoo’ when it’s ‘Conditioner’?”

Me: “Oh, because it actually reads ‘apres shampooing’, which literally means ‘after shampoo’, which in turn means it’s conditioner.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t speak Spanish!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s French.”

Customer: “Well, you d*** French people need to give the jobs back to the REAL Americans. We’d get this labeling s*** right!

Dewey Decimal Disobedience

| Teaneck, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: Because it is a large, central location, the public library is sometimes used for town meetings. However, the library employees have nothing to do with these meetings. On this particular night, a public hearing is being held on the topic of firefighter layoffs.)

Firefighter #1: *leaving meeting* “I can’t believe they’re actually firing people! This is so f***ed up!”

Firefighter #2: “Those f***ing d***s!”

Firefighter #1: “I’ll show them! I’ll mess up their card catalogs!”

Me: *to coworker* “Do you want to be the one to tell him we use computers?”

Get Yell Soon

| USA | Bizarre

(While standing near a store’s greeting card selection, I overhear this conversation between an older customer and an employee.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I’m looking for a Father’s Day card to give to my son. However, you only have two here and they’re stupid.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but those are the only ones of that type of card that we have.”

Customer: “But they’re stupid!”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir.”

Customer: “You know what? You need to call your greeting card people and make them send you better cards! You know, we’re all growing older here and we have sons that have children. I want to give my son a Father’s Day card! What is wrong with you people?”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have any control over what the greeting card company sends us. We just display the cards they provide us with.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just have to go to [another store] then! Maybe they’ll have what I need!”

Employee: “Feel free to do that, sir. However, I can tell you that they are supplied by the same company. They will have the same selection.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I guess we’re just not supposed to get older, is that it?! We’re not allowed to age! You need to call your supplier and demand you get better stock!”

Employee: “I’m sorry sir, we have no control over—”

Customer: “CALL THEM! What an outrage! You are the rudest employee I’ve ever had to deal with! We’re just getting older! We should be allowed to get older! Call your company RIGHT NOW!”

Employee: “Sir, if you just leave your name, I can tell my manager you have a complaint—”

Customer: “NO! JUST CALL YOUR D*** COMPANY!” *angrily storms out*

Ooh, I’m Quaking In My Oats

| USA | Food & Drink

(This happened to a coworker of mine, who is a bus driver. It is against policy to let food on the bus, and there is a sign that clearly states this.)

Passenger: *tries to get on the bus with a giant bowl of oatmeal*

Coworker: “Sir, I’m sorry, but you can’t take that oatmeal on the bus.”

Passenger: “What?! Why?”

Coworker: “There’s no food allowed on the bus.”

Passenger: “I won’t spill!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but there’s still no food on the bus.”

Passenger: “Well…YOU’RE UGLY!”

Just Plain Batty

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Religion

(My friend used to own a comic book in the local mall. I am a tall goth girl and am leaning against a book case reading a Japanese graphic novel.)

Customer’s Young Son: *tries to reach for a comic on the top shelf*

Me: “Here you go!” *hands him the comic* “Batman is my favorite super hero.”

(The young boy’s father approaches.)

Customer: “What they H*** do you think you’re doing talking to my son?! You’re trying to possess him with your evil!”

Me: “I was handing him a book.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! You were trying to convert him to worshipping the devil!”

Owner: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “How dare you let devil worshippers hang around in your store?! She was trying to convert my son with this devil bat comic!”

Owner: “She handed him the comic. That is all, sir.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! You’re one of them aren’t you? You’re both in a cult together!” *to his son* “Son, we never go near these people again, do you hear me? I’ll tell everyone this store is evil!”

Me: “Sir, I’m actually an atheist and am offended that you would make such blind accusations based on my appearance.”

Customer: “Don’t tell me how to raise my son! God hates you!”

Owner: “Sir, I would like you to get out of my store and never return.”

Customer: “I can enter here if I want. It’s a free country, and you HAVE to serve me!”

Owner: *calmly* “You’re right, it is a free country, and as the owner of this shop, I have the freedom to tell you to get the f*** out or I’ll call the police.”

Customer: *grabs his son and leaves hastily*

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