Nothing Like A Spoon To Stir Things Up

| Manchester, NH, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque, Top

(An older gentleman enters the store with a young woman who might be his granddaughter. She pauses at a display near the door, while he approaches me. I’m standing next to one of our speaker displays, which is blasting a hit country-pop song.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]!”

Customer: “Hello there!”

Me: *noticing he’s studying the speakers* “Are you interested in—”

Customer: *deadpan* “This would be great spooning music.”

(I’m completely shocked by this, and I don’t know how to respond. Before I can say anything, he pulls a pair of table spoons out of his shirt pocket and begins to play along with the music!)

Customer: “Yeah! See? This is great!”

(He calls over his granddaughter, and she pulls out a pair of spoons and starts to play, too! They have a five-minute jam session at the front of the store, and then spend 20 minutes happily chatting with my coworkers and me before making their purchases and leaving. It makes my day!)

He Got BUS-ted

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Top, Transportation

(I’m at the busiest train station in the state, waiting to get out of the station to grab some lunch whilst I wait for my train. I get stuck behind a man whose train ticket will not allow him to exit through the ticket gates.)

Passenger: “Excuse me, my ticket isn’t working!”

Employee: “Oh, can I see your ticket, please?”

Passenger: “I bought this from a news agency. It’s supposed to work on all trains!”

(The passenger hands the employee a pre-paid bus ticket.)

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but this ticket won’t work here. This is not a train ticket.”

Passenger: “But I bought it from a newsagent! It has to work!”

Employee: “I don’t know what else to tell you, mate. This ticket will not work on this service, and you have wasted your money. I can let you through the gate, though, if you’ll just step back to let the gate open.”

Passenger: “This is RIDICULOUS! This ticket is supposed to work! I used my hard-earned money on it! I spent Australian currency on this! Why isn’t it working?!”

(There is now a very long line of irate people waiting for the man to just go through the now open gate. The employee is dumbfounded as to why the man won’t just leave. I lose my temper because I’m hungry and my train is to leave shortly, so I step in.)

Me: “Dude. You bought the wrong ticket. That ticket is a bus ticket. Operative word: BUS. This is a train station.”

Passenger: “I don’t care! I bought it and therefore it should work!”

Me: “Yeah, it will work on a bus, but that brings us back to the original predicament: this is a train station, so your ticket will not work, no matter how much you harass people about it.”

Passenger: “Nobody asked you, you little b****.”

Me: “No, you’re right; nobody asked me. But I’m f****** hungry, and you are holding up a few dozen people. So please shut up, accept the fact that you screwed up, and get out of the way.”

Passenger: “You’ve got a mouth on you, don’t you?”

Me: “I do, and I’d like to fill it with food, so please get the f*** out of my way.”

(The passenger storms off, and I ask the employee if she can keep the gate open for me as I don’t want my ticket to get rejected on the way back through. She lets me through, and I go to get some food and come back. As I come back to the gate, there is a security guard and another employee standing with the first employee. The security guard approaches me with a notepad.)

Security Guard: “Excuse me, miss: I just have a question for you. Are you in any way affiliated with [rail company] as a contractor or employee?”

Me: “No, I’m just trying to get to Woolongong to see a few friends.”

Security Guard: *closes notepad and smiles* “Thanks for that. That guy you told off? He tried to file an official complaint against you. He wouldn’t believe [Employee] when she said you don’t work here.”

Employee: “And thanks for that, by the way. Enjoy your trip to the coast!”

Singing To A Different Scripted Tune

| UK | Musical Mayhem

(I ring up my phone network provider to get my mobile phone contract renegotiated. Thanks to regulations in the UK, call center staff are told they must repeat themselves over and over again so the consumer understands what they’re signing up to. I get a little bored after hearing the same script for the fifth time.)

Employee: “So, you understand that you’ll be getting 600 minutes—”

Me: “DAAAAHHH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH, DAAAAAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH, DAAAAAHHHH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH!”

Employee: “1 gig of data—”

Me: “DAAAAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH!”

Employee: “You have the right to—”

Me: “DUUUH DUUUUH DUUUH DUUUUH!”

Employee: “Contact us at any time if—”

Me: “Do you ever feel like you’re repeating yourself? I’m sure I’ve heard this 12 times already.”

Employee: “You have no idea.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just keep singing then.”