You Just Got Schooled

, | Chicago, IL, USA | School

(This happens to a coworker after having an issue with an order.)

Customer: “That took long enough. This is why you should have gone to college!”

Coworker: “I’m only 16.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t have dropped out, then!”

Coworker: “I didn’t. I’m still in school.”

Customer: “I… uh… have a nice day.” *leaves embarrassed*

Gettin’ Schooled, Kindergarten Style
Pantzilla Gets Schooled

Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 4

| USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(An older visitor and his wife approach me at a public swimming pool.)

Visitor: “How deep is your pool?”

Me: “It ranges from 3 feet to 12 feet.”

Visitor: “So the water surface isn’t level?!”

Me: “No, the water gradually gets deeper, but the surface of the water stays level.”

Visitor: “That can’t be right! If the water is deeper in some areas than others, the surface can’t be level!”

(Unsure of how to explain it without sounding patronizing, I tell him to just go look at the water. A few minutes later, he leaves without a word. His wife follows.)

Visitor’s Wife: *laughing* “I think he gets it now…”

Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 3
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 2
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End

Her Bark Is As Bad As Her Bite

, | NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I usually work in the drive-thru of our store.  At least once a day, often twice, a regular customer comes through. We all recognise her car.  She has a chihuahua that sits on her lap that snaps at us whenever we reach near the car.)

Coworker: “It’s her again. Please, will you hand out her coffee? I’m so scared of that dog!”

(I walk to the window and hold the regular’s food out, but far enough from her car that the dog can’t get close to me.)

Me: “Good morning!  Here’s your food, and I’ll just grab your coffee. ”

(I hold out the coffee, again further away from her car than normal. Suddenly, the dog lunges and almost bites my hand. I accidentally drop the coffee as I jump back, away from her and the dog.)

Customer: *to her dog* “My poor darling, my baby! Oh, are you okay? Did the mean lady scare you? Did she burn you with the hot coffee?” *to me* “If you burnt my dog, I’ll get your stupid a** fired!”

Me: “I’m very sorry. I’ll replace your coffee right away, but just a suggestion: perhaps this wouldn’t happen if you sat your dog in the passenger’s seat?”

Customer: “The nerve you have, thinking you know how to look after my precious little pumpkin! She’s MY dog, not yours! MUMMA KNOWS WHAT’S BEST!”

(I quickly grab the coffee, and hold it as far away from her and the dog as I can.)

Customer: *snatches her drink and drives off*

Coworker: *to me* “Sorry!”

Needs To Get Put In Her Place

| PA, USA | Spouses & Partners, Top

(I work at a hardware store in the lawn and garden area. On request, I go to help an aging couple out with some decorative rocks)

Husband: “Thank you very much!”

Wife: “Don’t thank him! That’s what they’re here for.”

Me: *smiles awkwardly* “How many bags do you need?”

Wife: “Eight.”

Me: “Alright, let me get that for you.”

(I begin loading the cart with the bags; each weighs around 60lbs.)

Wife: *to her husband* “See? This is why you go to [store name]. They have people who know their place.”

Me: *finishes loading* “Anything else?”

Wife: “Yes, take it out to the cashier and then load it into the car.”

Me: *takes the cart out*

Wife: *to her husband* “See? Well behaved and responds to direct commands, like they should!”

Me: *finishes loading their car after check out*

(The husband looks around shiftily after his wife enters the car, and surprisingly tries to force money into my hand.)

Husband: “I’m so sorry!”

This We’ll Defend

| NC, USA | Awesome Customers, Military, Top, Wild & Unruly

(Note: I’m a female and I’m waiting for my girlfriend to get off work, and the person who was supposed to relieve her is running late, so I’m hanging around. My girlfriend is hair under five feet tall, and maybe 90 pounds. She’s really little and people try and intimidate her a lot because of this.)

My Girlfriend: “I’m sorry. It should be like half an hour.”

Me: “No problem.”

(A customer shoulders past me and shoves an item in my girlfriend’s face.)

Male Customer: “This place f***ing ripped me off!”

My Girlfriend: “What’s the problem, sir?”

Male Customer: “Don’t play with me, you stupid b****! I bought this and it won’t work!”

My Girlfriend: “Sir, may I see the item?”

Male Customer: *shoves it at her*

My Girlfriend: “Sir, this didn’t come from our store.”

Male Customer: “You callin’ me a liar, you stupid b****?!”

My Girlfriend: “Of course not, but this package has a label that clearly has the name of our competitor on it.”

Male Customer: “So, I bought it here!”

My Girlfriend: “I’m sorry, sir, but no, you didn’t.”

(At this point, another customer, who is a fairly petite woman, is standing behind him. She looks a little concerned. Without warning, the male customer takes a swing at my girlfriend.)

Male Customer: “You stupid c***! Do your d*** job and give me a f***ing refund!”

(Thankfully my girlfriend steps out of reach of the customer’s swing. However, the petite woman behind him suddenly surges forward, and in one swift movement twists his arm behind his back and slams his face down on the counter.)

Petite Woman: *to my girlfriend* “Honey, you may want to call 911.”

My Girlfriend: *stunned* “O-Okay…”

Me: *to the male customer* “Jesus Christ, what the h*** is the matter with you, you freaking pyscho?!”

Male Customer: “Get the f*** off me!”

(In response, the petite woman wrenches his arm behind him further. The male customer wails.)

Male Customer: “You can’t do that! You’re just a woman!”

Petite Woman: “Army Strong, a**hole. If you want to walk away with your arm not broken, I’d stop struggling.”

(The male customer stops struggling when he realizes that she isn’t going to let go anytime soon. The police show up in less than five minutes. They get everyone’s statements and view the security video. The manager finally meanders out; he’s a man who is useless in every sense of the word. He also doesn’t like my girlfriend because she’s dating me, a girl.)

My Girlfriend’s Manager: “What is all this about?

Police Officer: “Sir, this man just attempted to attack your employee.”

My Girlfriend’s Manager: “Oh.”

Petite Woman:That’s all you have to say?” *to my girlfriend* “Honey, you want to press charges?”

My Girlfriend’s Manager: “Oh, that won’t be necessary.”

(The petite woman whirls on my girlfriend’s manager, and he actually takes a step backwards.)

Petite Woman: “I wasn’t talking to you. Believe me when I tell you, your boss will be hearing about what little concern you have for your employees!”

My Girlfriend’s Manager: *slinks off*

(Meanwhile, the police finish arresting the man and explain to my girlfriend how she can press charges.)

Me: *to the petite woman* “Excuse me, Miss?”

Petite Woman: “Yes?”

Me: “Thank you. You defended my girlfriend. So many people wouldn’t have done anything. Would it be alright if I could have your name?”

Petite Woman: *smiles* “You’re welcome. You guys look cute together. And my name is Angel.”

(With that, she leaves without buying anything. Three days later, my girlfriend’s unhelpful manager was fired. An Angel indeed!)

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