All Signs Point To Duh, Part 5

| Central Florida, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(The kitchen supply store where I work is going out of business. All over the store are bright yellow and black signs stating this, along with, “All Sales Final, No Returns,” and “Cash and Credit Cards Only, No Checks Accepted”.)  

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your total is [price].”

(The customer opens her purse and pulls out a checkbook.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. We are not able to accept checks at this time.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because the store is going out of business.”

Customer: “So, why is that my problem?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s not your problem. However, we are not able to accept checks any longer.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t see where it says that!”

(I point at the sign behind me.)

Me: “Here…”

(I point at another sign on the front counter.)

Me: “…here…”

(I point at a third sign directly below her open checkbook.)

Me: “…and here.”

Customer: “I read at home! Why should I be forced to read when I shop?!”

Related:
All Signs Point To Duh, Part 4
All Signs Point To Duh, Part 3
All Signs Point To Duh, Part 2
All Signs Point To Duh

Online Store, Meet Offline Brain, Part 2

| Livingston, NJ, USA | Money, Technology

Me: “I’m sorry, it looks like we don’t have that book in stock. I can order it for you, though.”

Customer: “Oh, no. I don’t do that ordering stuff. I don’t give my credit card information out under any circumstances.”

Me: “Well, we process the orders through a register, so it’s actually just like making a regular purchase.”

Customer: “I already told you, no! I don’t do that ordering stuff! I’ll just get it online. That’s all!”

Me: “But buying it online IS ordering. You’re giving your credit card information out.”

Customer: *pats my shoulder* “Oh, dear, it’s totally different. You have so much to learn, don’t you? Now, have a nice day!”

Me: *speechless*

Related:
Online Store, Meet Offline Brain

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A Tale Of Two Sitters

| Paris, France | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top, Transportation

(I’m on the Metro (subway) during rush hour. Arriving at a station, I see a little girl with a bandaged leg and a crutch getting in the car with her mother. Since there are no seats available, she stays up. A few seconds later, a young man dressed like a thug on a seat behind them calls to the mother.)

Young Man: “Ma’am, take my seat for your child.”

Mother: “Oh, thank you.”

(As soon as the young man gets up, however, a middle-aged lady in a business suit jumps into his seat without saying a word.)

Young Man: “Ma’am, I gave my seat to the little girl, not to you.”

Middle-aged Lady: “You should’ve said so.”

Young Man: “You were right in front of me and clearly heard me. Besides, it’s obvious this girl needs a seat more than you.”

Middle-aged Lady: *angrily* “What’s your point?!”

Young Man: “My point is that you’re rude and impolite.”

Middle-aged Lady: “Who the f*** do you think you are to talk to me like that?! Do you know WHO I am?!”

Young Man: “I think I am someone much more polite and well-educated than you. And to who you are, I frankly don’t care.”

Middle-aged Lady: “YOU LITTLE F***! My husband owns [some big company]! I’m infinitely much richer and more powerful than you!”

Young Man: *grinning* “So, powerful and rich you take the metro to go home?”

(Stunned, the middle-aged lady looks like she’s been struck by lightning. She sheepishly leaves the car at the next station. The young man then turns to the girl and her mother, who are literally speechless.)

Young Man: *to the mother* “Sorry for that. There’s your seat!”

(The whole car cheered and applauded him. Whoever you are, Metro gentleman, you have my thumbs up!)

Weekly Roundup: Customers To The Rescue, Part 2!

Not Always Right | Awesome Customers, Roundups

Customers To The Rescue, Part 2! In this week’s roundup, we continue with another five stories that show customers aren’t all bad! See Customers To The Rescue, Part 1.

  1. Navy Seal’s Fate is Sealed (7,386 thumbs up)
    A Navy bully learns about chain of command the hard way!
  2. Can I Show You My Social Insecurity Card (2,776 thumbs up)
    An uncooperative video game store customer finds out that rated “M” doesn’t always stand for “Mature.”
  3. Learning By Example (8,426 thumbs up)
    A late-returning video rental customer “returns” to school, thanks to a learned-but-loud regular!
  4. Random Acts Of Wetness (3,793 thumbs up)
    This car wash customer may be a bad driver, but at least she drives away trouble.
  5. Choose Your Battles (4,077 thumbs up)
    When a 240 lb, 6’7″ wrestler tells an uncooperative customer not to mess with the help, he’d best listen!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 3

| Florida, USA | Extra Stupid

(I used to work at this drugstore store before I left to have my child; note that the bathrooms have a lock on them to avoid theft. This take place almost two years after I’ve gone. I’ve stopped in to have lunch with a former coworker, and have my daughter in a stroller when a customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “You! I need to be let into the bathroom.”

Me: *confused* “Okay…”

Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to let me in?!”

Me: “I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I’ve seen you here before!”

Me: “Well, I used to work here, but that was almost two years ago.”

Customer: “So, are you going to let me in?”

Me: “I can’t. I don’t know the code.”

Customer: “But you work here!”

Me: “Sir, no I don’t. I haven’t worked here in almost two years. They change the codes every six months.”

Customer: “You’re just being lazy and don’t want to work!”

Me: “Why would I be at work with my kid?”

Customer: “Don’t play games with me. Just open the d*** door!”

(At this point, an assistant manager who I know walks over.)

Assistant Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Yes! This lazy b**** won’t do her d*** job and open the bathroom up!”

Assistant Manager: “She doesn’t work here, and you need to watch how you speak to people.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

Assistant Manager: “Now I have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “YOU CAN’T KICK ME OUT!”

Assistant Manager: “Yeah, I can. The bathroom is for paying customers only.”

Customer: “Then I’ll buy something!”

Assistant Manager: “That ship has sailed. I suggest you go next door to the fast food restaurant.”

Customer: “I’LL SUE YOU!”

Me: “For what exactly? Badgering another customer because you have some delusion that we are keeping the bathroom all to ourselves?”

Customer:“You can’t talk to me like that! I DEMAND she be fired!”

Assistant Manager: “You want me to fire someone who doesn’t work here?”

Customer: “WHY WON’T ANY OF YOU DO YOUR JOBS?!” *runs out of the store, screaming about the bathroom*

Related:
I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 2
I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here

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