Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 9

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [store name and location]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering what time you closed? I need to bring in my computer monitor and exchange it for a new one.”

Me: “We close at nine. If you don’t mind my asking, why do you need to exchange yours, ma’am? I may be able to help and save you the trip.”

Customer: “Well, I saw that you all sold those wireless monitors and was going to get one but they’re so expensive. So I just decided to make mine a wireless one instead. But I guess I must have done it wrong because now it won’t work.”

Me: “You… tried to make your monitor into a wireless one? How?”

Customer: “Oh, I just cut the cord that was dangling out of it. Like I said, I must have cut it wrong though. So I need a new one.”

Me: “I… see. Well, um, ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you this, but, well, I can’t just give you a new monitor because you destroyed your old one.”

Customer: “Really? Well. We’ll just see about that, won’t we? I’m going to come in and speak to your manager. Then we’ll see who does what for whom!”

(She came in with her self-destroyed monitor, and no, she didn’t get a new one!)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 8
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 7
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 6
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 5
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless

Wherever You Go, There US Are

| Ireland | Geography, Tourists/Travel

(I am a tour guide at a 15th century Irish castle. I am covering the desk when two tourists come through to exit.)

Me: “Thank you for visiting. Did you enjoy your tour?”

Tourist #1: “NO!”

Me: “I’m sorry. May I ask why?”

Tourist #1: “That tour guide talked funny.”

Tourist #2: “Yeah, she had a funny accent.”

Me: “You mean Irish?”

Tourist #1: “Yeah, we didn’t understand a word she said.”

Tourist #2: You shouldn’t have guides we can’t understand!”

Me: “I’m sorry but this is Ireland.”

Tourist #1:You don’t have an Irish accent!”

Me: “I’m not from here, though.”

(At this point, another tourist who has been waiting to be served speaks up.)

Another Tourist: “Sorry, ladies, but you’re in Ireland in an Irish castle. What were you expecting?”

Tourists #1 and #2: “Americans!”

An Ink-ling That They’ve Been Cell-eeping Around

| Saginaw, MI, USA | Love/Romance, Technology

Customer: “Hey man, you do printers? I got this printer here. It doesn’t work, doesn’t print, doesn’t take paper, and just says ‘carriage jam.’ How much you tryin’ to charge me here?”

Me: “Whoa, hold on. Let’s take a look. It’s usually just a piece of paper in there. No big deal.”

(I plug the printer in, load up some scrap paper to test it on, and hit the copy button. It makes a makes a horrible grinding noise and shakes so hard the front panel pops open.)

Me: “Okay, that’s not a piece of paper. Any idea what happened?”

Customer: “No, man. I was just printing… uh… pictures, man… just nothing for work, you know?”

(I open all the access doors and start pushing against the rollers. I see a gray object with a headphone jack and a screen on it stuck way down into the mechanism.)

Me: “Sir, have you lost a cell phone recently?”

Customer: “No, man. It’s not a cell phone. It’s a printer, man. PRIN-TER.”

Me: “No, I know. It’s just… you seem to have a cellphone stuck down in there.”

I turn the printer around and show the customer. I eventually get his cellphone out, and as I go to print his receipt and he powers up his phone. Suddenly, the customer starts screaming, scaring everyone in the store.)

Customer: “That b****! F***ing w****! It’s HIS phone!” *breaks the phone*

(The customer gets a grip on himself and manages to pay his bill.)

Customer: “Knew it! F***ing knew it!” *walks out the store, minus his printer or cellphone*

Must Be This Smart To Ride

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Family & Kids

(A theme park guest and her son want to board a ride. I check the boy’s height to make sure he can ride it, but sadly he is about four inches too short.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Your son isn’t tall enough to ride.”

Guest: “What do you mean? Your sign says he can ride with a responsible person.”

Me: “The sign also says he must be a certain height to ride.”

Guest: “No, it doesn’t. Fix your sign now!”

(I take the guest and her son out to the entrance of the attraction, and show her word for word the ride requirements.)

Guest: “Well, this is outrageous!”

Guest’s Little Boy: “Gosh mom, can’t you read? Do you want me to die?!”

Guest: *storms off angrily*

Guest’s Little Boy: *to me, while being led away* “Have a good day! Bye!”

High-Strung At Heart

| UK | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

(I work in a toy store that sells a variety of products, aimed at all kinds and all ages. A teenage boy and his young brother come in, and are being quiet and behaving.)

Girly Voice: “I’M TIRRRREEED.”

(My back is turned to them, so I expect that they must have a young sister with them. Instead, I turn around to see a tall, pouting, blonde woman in 6-inch heels. Her boys call her “mum”, so it’s clear who she is.)

Mother: *flails arms and stamps her feet* “I’M BORED! I WANT TO SIT DOWN. MY FEET ARE TIRED! I’M HUNGRY. CAN WE GO NOW? HAVE YOU SPENT YOUR MONEY YET?! I’M GOING BECAUSE I’M BORED AND I’M TIRED—”

(I’m not the only one to notice her behavior; other customers are agog at this grown woman having a tantrum in a toy shop. While this is going on, an elderly woman at the till smiles at me sweetly.)

Elderly Woman: “Goodness, if that were my daughter, I’d give her a good slap!”

Me: “Even at her age?”

Elderly Woman: “ESPECIALLY at her age!”

Page 1,624/2,990First...1,6221,6231,6241,6251,626...Last