Leaves Everything Out

| Houston, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’ve just finished explaining the teas we have to a customer.)

Me: “Have you decided what tea you would like today? Do you want hot or cold?”

Customer: “I want a hot tea.”

Me: “Alright. We have green, black, and herbal.”

Customer: “I want a normal, unflavored tea.”

Me: “Okay, well we have southern black tea and our store’s Earl Grey.”

Customer: “I don’t want black tea.”

Me: “Well, we have at least four of each of the green or herbal.”

Customer: “No green, and no fruity herbal.”

Me: “Unfortunately, this location does not sell white tea, but white is just baby green. However, I—”

Customer: “I just want a cup of hot, no-flavor-of-any-kind tea!”

Me: “Hot…water?”

Customer: “YES!”

Burning Ears But No Drowning Fears

| Lexington, KY, USA | Family & Kids

(A little girl starts to drown in the kiddie section of the pool and the lifeguard jumps in to save her. The mother of the child pays no attention while she’s sunbathing.)

Lifeguard: *calmly* “Ma’am, your daughter was just drowning.”

Mother: “Ugh, I told my other children to keep an eye out for her. Fine, give her to me!”

Lifeguard: “Just try to be a little more careful, okay?”

(Incredibly, the mother proceeds to yell at the little girl for drowning and then yells at her other small children for not watching her. The lifeguard sits back down in her chair. A random person who has seen everything walks by.)

Random Person: “What happened? Is she okay?”

Lifeguard: “Yeah, the mom just wasn’t paying attention.”

Mother: *on the other side of the pool* “DON’T SAY I WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION!”

Conjugal Clobbering

| Hampshire, UK | Spouses & Partners

(I’m scanning through a customer’s purchases when a pack of socks flies onto the desk from nowhere. My customer, who is a woman, exchanges waves with who I assume is her husband.)

Me: “He’s got a dangerous throw on him, doesn’t he?”

Customer: *to her husband* “Hear that? She says you’re dangerous!” *to me* “You can hit him if you want.”

Me: “Um, I’m not allowed to hit customers.”

Customer: “Don’t worry, I won’t tell!”

Let’s All Hold Hands And Sing Cola-Ya

, | Peterborough, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

(I’m working cash when a group of guys early 20s comes in.)

Me: “What would you like to drink with your combo?”

Customer #1: “Coke, please.”

Me: “Is Pepsi alright?”

Customer #1: *forlornly* “I guess…”

(I finish the rest of their orders and I overhear their conversation.)

Customer #1: “It sucks that they don’t have Coke.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, it’s 2012. Can’t Coke and Pepsi just get along?”

You Have Been Deigned Dainty

| North Carolina, USA | Bizarre

(Note: At 5’11” and just shy of 150 pounds. I’m not exactly burly, but I’m not small, either.)

Me: *hands a customer her receipt* “Here you go, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

Customer: *gently takes hold of my hand* “You have the daintiest hands I’ve ever seen.”

Me: “Um… thank you.”

Customer: “They’re so soft… and tiny.”

Me: *embarrassed* “Uh… thank you. Thank you for shopping at [Store]. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “So… dainty!” *turns and heads out the door*

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