As Long As It’s Quick

| Right | July 24, 2014

funny-products-retail-humor-13mar14-7

All Meals Come Pre-Blessed

, | USA | Right | July 24, 2014

(At the restaurant I work at all of the employees names are written on a wall. A little girl around the age of six and her dad walk in. While waiting for their food she is reading the names out loud and spots the name Jesus.)

Girl: “Daddy, look, they have Jesus working here! That’s so awesome. Now we don’t have to pray before this meal!”

(Jesus got a chuckle out of this as the dad quickly explained it is a name pronounced ‘hey-Zeus.’)

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Not Dog’s Best Friend

| CA, USA | Right | July 24, 2014

(We are a grooming shop inside a larger pet store. One of our bathers brings out a dog that is going home. Since she worked on the dog, she proceeds to inform the owner how it went.)

Bather: “[Pet] did pretty good for a first timer, but got a bit scared and tried to nip—”

Customer: “BAD DOG!”

(She then starts screaming and leans over our counter to take a swing at her dog with a closed fist. The dog ducks and hides behind the bather.)

Me: “Ma’am! Please don’t hit your dog in here!”

(She scowls at us and still looks angry, but we have no choice but to hand the dog over. A few minutes later one of the floor associates rushes in.)

Associate: “The lady that just left just started kicking the s*** out of her dog and is now trying to stuff it in the trunk!”

Me: “WHAT?!”

(The bather calls the cops while I and the associate rush outside. We can’t see the dog in the car but the owner is in the driver’s seat, on her phone and screaming at us, as we box her in her parking space to keep her from leaving until the police arrive.)

Police Officer: “I can take it from here. All of you get back inside.”

(We never saw the woman again, but I still think of that poor dog.)

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Time To Separate The Horse From The Goats

| VA, USA | Right | July 24, 2014

(We offer pony camps during the summer to kids wanting to learn to ride. We have very calm, safe horses to ride, and take all safety measures, but some parents are naturally worrisome.)

Mom: “Those horses are awfully big… Don’t you have something smaller for my daughter?”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you, all of our horses are sweet. I’ve ridden all of them over my years here.”

Mom: “I just think that they’re too big for her. Maybe something smaller? Like a miniature horse?”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t really ride a miniature horse…”

Mom: “Oh! What about that one! It’s perfectly sized for her!”

Me: “Uh… Ma’am… that’s a goat.”

(At this point, the daughter was bright red. She ended up riding one of our largest horses and did awesomely. And poor Benny the goat didn’t have to worry!)

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Stupidity Is Not To Be Sniffed At

| UK | Right | July 24, 2014

(A customer comes to the till and orders a tea and a coffee. I make it and take it over to them. Two minutes later the customer is back.)

Customer: “Excuse me, you gave us the wrong drinks.”

Me: “Tea and coffee was it?”

Customer: “Yes”

Me: “That’s what I gave you.”

Customer: “But you gave it to us the wrong way round.”

Me: “Sorry, but can’t you swap them?”

Customer: “Well, no. She has already smelt it.”

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