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Splitting Hairs Over The Definition

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid

Customer: “I have a question about the dry shampoo. It says here on the can that it’s flammable. Does that mean if I spray too much on my hair and go out in the sun my hair will catch fire?”

(Speechless, not sure if she was joking, I quickly reassured her that the flammable message was about leaving the actual can near heat, and her hair wouldn’t catch fire when she went out into the sun.)

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 61

| PA, USA | Money

(A customer calls, asking me to ship a few items to her house.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we’d be happy to ship those items to you. You’d need to pay the Fed Ex fees, but you will get your [difficult to find clearance merchandise].”

Customer: “You mean I have to pay?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, you have to pay for shipping.”

Customer: “What about UPS? Would they charge to ship?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Every delivery company has shipping charges.”

Customer: “Well, can you put it on hold for a few weeks? I’m going on vacation and I don’t have any money now.”

Me: “No, ma’am, we cannot do that. Unless you pay, you cannot store merchandise for weeks.”

Customer: “But I don’t have any money now…”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 60
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 59
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 58

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Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 9

| MD, USA | Crazy Requests

(The customer has just finished giving me a large order over the phone.)

Customer: “Will that go out today?”

Me: “Everything is in stock, so I should get it out with today’s mail.”

Customer: “Will I have it by Thursday?”

Me: “Probably! Shipping to your area is usually two days. I’ll just need your credit card…”

Customer: “Oh, I’ll get that to you Friday or Saturday.”

Me: “Ok… You want me to hold the order until the end of the week?”

Customer: “Nah, send it out today, and I’ll get back to you with the payment after I get it.”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I’m not allowed to send out an order without payment.”

Customer: “But I need it by Thursday, but I don’t want to pay until the end of the week.”

Me: “I can’t send out two thousand dollars worth of merchandise without payment.”

Customer: “Well, that seems like a ridiculous policy.”

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 8
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 7
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 6

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A Turn-Up For The Books

| ON, Canada | Bizarre, Books & Reading

(We are located in a mall, and for about five years, had a used book sale in the hallway right outside our store, with the money going to different charities every few months. With mall construction going on, we had to take it away.)

Customer: “Um, yeah, you used to have a book sale in the hall, but I don’t see any books anywhere.”

Me: “Yeah, we had to get rid of it, unfortunately.”

Customer: “So can I just give my books to you, then?”

Me: “No, we’re no longer doing the book sale.”

Customer: “So where do I take my books, then?”

Me: “Um, you can take them to the library, or I believe there is a used book store downtown you could take them to.”

Customer: “Ugh. I wanted to give them to you guys, though!”

Me: “Yes, but we no longer have a book sale.”

Customer: “Well, could I just put them on the floor in the hall?”

Me: “…No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because then there would just be books on the floor in the hallway.”

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My English Is Bad (Language)

| NV, USA | Language & Words

Me: “[Call Center], this is [My Name]. May I help you?”

Caller: “Is there someone who speaks Spanish?” *this is a frequent request, but one we cannot fulfill at this time*

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I do not, and neither does anyone else here in the call center.”

Caller: “F***!” *hangs up*

(At least he knew that much English!)

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