Will Need To Explore Some Therapy Options

| UK | Technology

(Working on a tech support line:)

Me: “Okay, so what browser are you using?”

Client: “What’s a browser?”

Me: *sigh* “Okay, do you know if you use Firefox, Chrome, Internet Explorer?”

Client: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, at the bottom of the page where your start button is—”

Client: “What’s that?”

Me: “The little Windows symbol in the left hand corner of your screen.”

Client: “Oh, okay!”

Me: “Next to that are some little icons. Is there an icon that looks like a blue ‘e’?”

Client: “I don’t know. There is the calculator, a notepad, and the symbol for the explorer.”

Me: “…”

They’re Not The Brightest Bulb In The Box

| Rochester, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(An angry customer calls during an historically unprecedented outage. As a utility worker we are working 16-hour minimum days for the duration. The damage is incredible and the outage is extended. This call is on day three:)

Me: “[Company] Electric emergency line. My name is [My Name].”

(I am using my best customer service voice as positivity is my trademark. The customer is raging about the outage. Keep in mind there are almost 1,000 poles on the ground and 5,000 wires down in our service area with 100k plus customers without power at the outage’s peak. We understand people are upset. The customer goes through a tirade about being unhappy and having not seen anyone working; mind you, 2000 workers from around the country are working non-stop. After my sincere apologies and honest understanding, as my place is also out, the customer ends with a question that completely confounds me.)

Customer: “How will I know when my lights are back on?!”

Me: *confused pause* “…they will be brighter than they are now?”

Customer: *click*

Cashing And Crashing

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work for the call center of a major ticketing organization. Most of my job consists of helping people find the tickets they want and then helping them pay via the phone. Most customers are great…)

Me: “All right, that brings your total to [amount]. How would you like to pay?”

Customer: “Cash.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t hold the tickets for you so you can pay later. I have to take the payment now on a debit or credit card.”

Customer: “But I want to pay in cash.”

Me: “I understand that, but unfortunately, I cannot accept cash for an over-the-phone purchase since you can’t hand it to me.”

Customer: “You just want to steal my credit card!”

Me: “Not at all. I assure you, many people buy tickets like this every day and it’s completely safe.”


Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I simply cannot take cash as a form of payment over the phone. You are welcome to come to the theater and pay cash if you wish.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid; I’m not in New York.”

Me: “Unfortunately, the theater is the only place we accept cash, ma’am.”

Customer: “F*** you. I’m ordering online.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t pay cash online either.”

Customer: *slams phone down*

Getting Lippy With The Lipstick

| New Zealand | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I am sixteen, in the mall after school, still in my high school uniform, which is a black sweater with a school crest and black skirt. I pick up a few things I need and text my dad to tell him where I am. I decide to look at some lipsticks while I wait for a reply when I catch this woman staring at me. She’s staring so hard I keep glancing up from my phone to make sure she’s not going to do something suddenly. Eventually I decide to say something.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Woman: “I’m looking for some lipstick. What are you doing?”

Me: “Um, texting my dad…”

Woman: “They let you have a phone?”

Me: *not understanding* “Uh, yeah, I mean I have to buy my own credit but I only really use it so they can call me—”

Woman: “Whatever. Put it away and help me.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Woman: “I want a new lipstick! I’m in a rush. Do you mind?”

(I gesture to the range of lipsticks on the counter between us. At the same time I get a text back from my dad and look back down at my phone. When I do so, the woman slams her purse on the counter, sending a bunch of eyeshadows and blushes onto the floor, where they shatter.)

Woman: “I can’t believe this! I shop here all the time and I’ve never been treated so badly in ten years!”

(Just then, my dad shows up.)

Dad: “Ready?”

Me: “Uh, yeah.”

(My dad looks at the mess at the floor and then at the woman who is now shooting evil looks at him, too. We join the checkout line and the woman follows us, still shouting about the appalling service.)

Dad: *to employee* “Can you call a manager?”

(The employee calls the manager, who arrives quickly and looks between us and the furious but now silent woman who has followed us all the way to the front door.)

Dad: “That lady has been harassing my daughter and quite a bit of your display.”

Woman: “She should be fired! She wouldn’t help me find what I wanted!”

Manager: *looks at my high school uniform and then at the woman, and radios mall security*

(I ended up with a free lipstick for my trauma!)

Crafty Ways To Make A Call

| MA, USA | Bizarre

(I work in a well-known craft store. A customer comes up to the cut counter to get some fabric.)

Customer: “Can I get two yards of each?”

Me: “No problem.”

Customer: “Hey, do you mind if I make a real quick phone call?”

Me: “Go ahead.”

Customer: *on phone* “Hi, I’d like to order a large pizza…”

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