Might Need The Inhaler After You’ve Stopped Laughing

| Omaha, NE, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(One of our nurses explains to a female patient how to use an inhaler, to pull back and release a trigger and then inhale from the mouthpiece.)

Patient: “So, I just cock it and then suck on it.”

Nurse: “Well, I wouldn’t put it just that way, but yes.”

(The patient realized what she had said, dropped inhaler in her purse, and left the clinic with no further comment.)

An Energetic Evening Ahead

| ID, USA | At The Checkout

(While in college, I work at a grocery store as a cashier, usually on the swing shift as I have morning classes.)

Me: *ringing through customers, pretty much on auto-pilot* “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “Great! Tonight is going to be FUN!”

Me: *noticing they are purchasing a full flat (24 cans) of energy drinks and a handful of squirt guns, I start laughing* “I can see this!”

(He paid and left with the biggest grin on his face. I wished I could have gone, too, but it still makes me giggle to think of what became of 24 energy drinks and squirt guns.)

The Devil’s Discount

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Non-Dialogue

The store I work at does electronic coupons tied to people’s membership cards. I have a couple come through to buy a bunch of stuff. The total is $66.60. They aren’t really happy with that so they decide to buy a fountain drink for $0.90. No problem; scan it, and total again.

They have a coupon for a free drink. Total is still $66.60.

Thankfully they were ultimately amused rather than angry.

Taking A Floss Loss

| UK | Crazy Requests, Money

(I am a receptionist for a private dental practice. At this practice, we offer a cleaning service for those who have difficulty flossing, usually due to discomfort or their teeth are positioned as such that it makes flossing difficult. The service usually costs between £60-120 per year, but is free for those above 40 and who have been with the practice for over 10 years. You can drop by at anytime for the clean, which takes no more than 5 minutes. The patient in this story has had no difficulty with flossing her teeth; she simply doesn’t care for the process. She meets the requirements for the free service, however, so her dentist has offered it regardless. The cost is added to her sixth month checkup and discounted on the same invoice, so her last checkup cost her £0.00. She storms into the practice one afternoon, with the invoice we have mailed to her in hand. Up until now, she has been nothing but civil with us.)

Me: “Hello, Mrs. [Patient]. How can we help you today?”

Patient: “This! This is unacceptable!”

Me: “Your invoice?”

Patient: “No! This cost! I’m not paying for this! I have been with this practice for 20 years! I deserve a discount.”

(I check the invoice to be certain the discount has been included. It has.)

Me: “Mrs. [Patient], the cleaning service has already been discounted.” *points at total* “See? It is costing you nothing.”

Patient: “It’s still too much. Discount it!”

Me: “But, I can’t. There’s nothing to discount.”

Patient: “DISCOUNT IT!”

Me: “Mrs. [Patient], the only way it could be discounted further would be to pay you for the service.”

Patient: “Get on with it, then!”

Me: “You want us to pay you?”

Patient: “YES!”

(When I refused she stormed out saying she would never come back. She called today to arrange her next checkup. According to her records, she hasn’t used the cleaning service once, so all that has come out of it is earache on my end.)

They’ve All Gone Native

| Detroit, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

(At my store I have a lot of very well educated but not native to North America people. Their accents are strong and if you talk too fast they have trouble understanding.)

Customer: *who is being very rude to one of my Russian coworkers* “Can someone else check me out? Someone with American blood?”

Me: “Unfortunately we don’t have any Native American on our staff.”

Customer: *looks me up and down, seeing I’m a white girl, clearly how she defines American* “What? Aren’t you American?”

Me: “Yes, and so is [Coworker], but we’re all immigrants really. Doesn’t matter if it was 100 years ago. Native Americans are really the only ones with American blood and we don’t have one on staff to check you out.”

Customer: “F*** this store.”

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