Crafty Ways To Make A Call

| MA, USA | Bizarre

(I work in a well-known craft store. A customer comes up to the cut counter to get some fabric.)

Customer: “Can I get two yards of each?”

Me: “No problem.”

Customer: “Hey, do you mind if I make a real quick phone call?”

Me: “Go ahead.”

Customer: *on phone* “Hi, I’d like to order a large pizza…”

Tagged You From The Start

| Delaware, OH, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Non-Dialogue

In the early 1990s I was working my way through college in a national shoe chain known for its inexpensive shoes. The most expensive pair we sold was $50. It wasn’t uncommon for me to be alone on shift. One day I open, which among other things involves marking the weekly sale items with these sticky green cardboard tags that would hang off the edge of the box, displaying the sale price ($5, $10, etc). The original thought with these tags is that they could be reused, so they are almost the stickiness of post-its. I open up, take the old sale tags down, put the new sale tags on, and wait for customers. Half an hour after I finish, the first customer of the day comes in.

She heads directly for the women’s 8 1/2s and after greeting her I let her browse and try on stuff in peace. 10 or so minutes later, she’s brought a pair of shoes up to the register to check out. I immediately notice the $19.99 shoes have a $5 tag on it — and I know I did not put it there, nor has this style ever been on sale (no possibility I missed taking a tag off).

I ring her up; gee, what a surprise. It’s $19.99. She protests, demanding the “sale price.” I shake my head, saying no. She continues to protest but is losing steam over my wall of no. Finally I sigh and let her know I just tagged the items on sale that morning, she was the only one in so far, and I could check the video footage (gesturing towards the wall mounted curved mirror in the corner), but I was pretty sure the tag just happened to fall off and into the box below, right?

She turns pale, pays, and leaves. I go back to the aisle and she’s moved half the tags around, probably in an effort to bolster her story. It mystifies me to this day why anyone would risk a class one misdemeanor for theft, which carries up to $1,000 fine and/or 180 days in jail, to get a cheap pair of shoes.

The company eventually made the glue on the back of the tags too strong for would-be thieves to try this stunt. The real kicker to this: we, as wasn’t unusual at the time, didn’t have a security camera. The mirror was just that — a mirror.

Your Membership Is Dead

| UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

(I have just started as a first aider at a children’s activity centre. I have been called to a ball pit where a child has collapsed. I am doing the necessary checks when a woman, who has been there all of ten seconds, speaks up.)

Woman: “She’s dead. There’s no point in resuscitating her.”

Mother: “What? No!”

Woman: “There’s nothing you can do. She’s dead.”

Me: “Actually she’s breathing, although her pulse is low.” *radioing for an ambulance*

Woman: *to the mother* “SHE IS DEAD! Get over it. It happens all the time!”

Me: “Excuse me, madam. If you aren’t going to be helpful, could you please leave the area?”

(This shuts the woman up, but I hear her mumbling about how I should give up as she walks away. The ambulance arrives, and the girl is conscious as she is taken away. An hour later I walk into the manager’s office and the manager motions me to keep quiet before putting his call on speaker.)

Woman: “…and this man was very rude to me. I am a long-time customer, and don’t take too kindly to—”

Manager: “Yes, madam, I can understand your frustration. However I’m afraid there is very little that I can do.”

Woman: “You can do plenty! You can fire his a** or I will never bring my children there again!”

Manager: “Yes, madam, I could. However I think given the circumstances that would be highly inappropriate.”

Woman: “WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES? THAT C*** WAS F****** RUDE TO ME!”

Manager: “He also assisted in saving a young girl’s life today, the mother of which, if I understand the context of your complaint, you screamed at saying she was already dead.”

Woman: “How the f**** would you know?”

Manager: “My colleague was radioing me for an ambulance when I heard ‘SHE IS DEAD.’ While I cannot be certain, I did recognise the voice as you just shouted.”

Woman: “Well, I… f***!” *hangs up*

Me: “What kind of a**-hole does that?!”

Manager: “A special breed we like to call ‘Gold Star members.’ They’re friends of shareholders who think they run the place because they get everything for free. Never mind traumatising a poor mother; she was told to shut up, which as we all know is an unforgivable sin!”

(The manager got put on probation after the woman told her shareholder friend, but upon realising the facts the woman was banned by the shareholder. The manager was also promoted and I got a raise. The girl made a full recovery. The woman’s daughter visits the centre frequently, still being listed as a gold star member. He father comes with her now, though, instead.)

A Different Kind Of Stockholm Syndrome

| Stockholm, Sweden | Transportation

(I am taking a train from Stockholm to Malmö, a five-hour ride. About an hour after departure, a very upset middle-aged woman storms up to a conductor.)

Woman: “This is outrageous; you need to help us right now! I spoke to your colleague but he was completely useless and didn’t help us at all!”

Conductor #1: “How may I help you?”

Woman: “Well, you need to fix us somewhere to sit. Apparently our seats were double-booked and your colleague got us other seats but not together. I refuse to sit there. I want to sit with my family in the seats we booked.”

(The woman goes on complaining for about ten minutes, while the conductor tries to find her family other seats, only to be yelled at when those aren’t acceptable. The woman does not want to sit near other children, she does not want to sit too far from the bistro, and she does not want to ride backwards, etc. After a while, another conductor comes up to them and tries to solve the situation.)

Conductor #2: “Sorry. I will try to fix this for you, but there are no more available seats than the ones you have already been offered.”

Woman: “Well, this is just unacceptable; I can’t believe you let the other people have our seats just because they got here first, when CLEARLY they cheated somehow to manage to book the seats I had already booked!”

Conductor #1: “But you did say they offered to move?”

Woman: “Well, yes, they… two of them did offer to move but then the seats they moved to also turned out to be booked, and the people who had booked them got on at the last stop, so now it is still a problem. I AM going to complain to your company and I WILL get compensation for this, and I WILL get you fired too for being this unhelpful!”

Conductor #2: “May I see your ticket, so that I can see which seats you had originally booked?”

(The woman hands her a sheet of paper.)

Conductor #2: “No, not your return ticket to Stockholm, I need to see the ticket for this journey.”

Woman: “What do you mean? This is the ticket for this journey, to Stockholm.”

Conductor #2: “This is the train from Stockholm. We are southbound. If you are going to Stockholm, you are on the wrong train.”

Woman: “…oh. Well, this train showed up first. How was I supposed to know?”

(She was very quiet for the rest of her journey, and she and her family left the train at the next stop to find a train heading for Stockholm.)

Actually Feel More Sorry For That Stairwell

| USA | Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

(I am a sixteen-year-old, part-time, front desk attendant. Tonight is particularly busy, but my coworker and I manage to check everyone in promptly and without issue. We are organizing some things that hadn’t gotten filed properly in the rush when a woman emerges from the elevator, which is about twenty feet in front of the desk.)

Guest: *walks out of the elevator haughtily, and proceeded to pitch her belongings at the front desk*

Me: *trying to ignore that she almost hit me and my coworker with her luggage* “Good evening. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Guest: “I demand you switch my room! This is unacceptable!”

Me: “All right, I’ll get right on it. However, may I ask why your current room is unacceptable?”

Guest:“Why in the h*** would you need to know? Just switch my room!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I need to know in case the room is in need of repair so I can take it off market for the night.”

Guest: *huffs and literally raises her purse above her head and slams it onto the counter* “Just switch my room and give me a discount already! I should get this room for free because of the issues you’re causing me.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t authorize any discounts without a reason.”

Guest: “You put me beside the f****** stairwell!”

Coworker: *looks at me confused*

Me: “Um, I’m sorry but you didn’t ask to be roomed away from the stairwell, Miss [Guest]. I would have gladly changed it had you asked at check in.”

Guest: “Well, you should have f****** known where the h*** I wanted put, you dumb c***!”

(My coworker, who is the shift manager, nods at me to go ahead and get rid of her however I can, even if that means kicking her out.)

Me: “That is not proper language to be using at me, and I would appreciate it if you would refrain from using anymore foul language. I will gladly change your room; however, you will still need to pay full price.”

Guest: *slams hands on counter in front of me, and leans over into my face* “I am so sick of dealing with dumb c**** like you! You will give me a new room, for free, and full access to the mini-bar for free as well!”

(At this point I’ve reached my breaking point.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you will not be getting anything for free or discounted. Had you came down in a calmly manner, and politely asked to switch rooms I may have offered a discount. However you attitude makes it very clear that you do not deserve one.”

Guest: *looks over at my coworker* “What the h***?! You should have known to room me somewhere else! Are you just going to sit there and let this woman talk to me like this? Are you the manager?”

Coworker: *walks from her desk to stand by me* “Miss [Guest], I am the acting manager at the moment, and I have to agree with my employee. Your attitude has been less than appropriate. At this point I request you go back to your room quietly or accept the one she is offering you.”

Guest: *grumbles before accepting, cursing at me the whole time under her breath*

Me: “Your new room is 536. Have a pleasant evening.”

Guest: “What floor is this on?”

Me: “It’s on the fifth floor, in the second tower.”

(Our hotel has two towers, with a conference hall in the middle to connect the two. To go from tower to tower, you must go to the first floor and walk the hallway connecting them.)

Guest: “Well, f****** great! Now I’m definitely gonna get kidnapped! I didn’t want to be by the stairwell in the first place because of all the riff-raff coming through at all hours of night!”

Me: “I assure you that the stairwells are locked at 11 pm and not opened again until 6 am or unless someone calls down to use them.”

Guest: “I’ll keep my old room, but I want you to sit by the stairwell door all night and make sure no one comes through it. I also want the room half price, and full access to the mini-bar for free.”

Coworker: “As I told you before, we do not have mini-bars and I am not discounting your room. We are not mind readers, and in no way could have known you preferred to be away from the stairwell.”

Guest: *throws hands up in the air* “Well what kind of hotel doesn’t have a f******g mini-bar?”

Me: “The kind with an actual bar on the premises.”

Guest: “Well, fine, then. I want free drinks on the house during my entire stay!”

Me: “We can’t do that for you, Miss [Guest].”

Guest: “Then you can pay for my drinks, little miss snot!”

(At this point my coworker can tell I’m struggling to handle the situation.)

Me: “I’m underage and thus cannot buy you a drink, even if I desired to.”

Guest: *smirks* “Oh, so you’re probably a knocked up tramp working because Mommy and Daddy kicked you out for being such a slut! Tell me, how many guys could be the father?”

Me: “I’ll have you know, I am working to pay for night classes so that I can graduate with an associates degree. I strive to be more refined in this world, unlike some people.”

Guest: *puffs up and face turns red* “How dare you! Did you just hear what she said to me? I demand you fire her!”

Coworker: “That’s a long list of demands you’ve made. Despite us being a five-star hotel, I cannot meet any of these demands. I suggest you either take the new room, or go back to your current room.”

Guest: “I’ll take the f****** new room! I want someone to carry my belongings over to the room for me. I also want a free dinner from the restaurant here.”

Me: “I can get our security guard to carry your belongings, but as I stated before I cannot and will not give you anything for free or discount.”

Guest: “You are the biggest c*** I’ve ever met! I hope you flunk out of high school and your house burns down!”

(She then stomps off to gather her belongings. We call in our security guard and tell him the situation. He agrees to escort her… to her car)

Guest: *starts yelling when the guard asks where her car is located* “I am not leaving this f****** hotel! I paid to stay here and I’m not leaving! I want a free dinner, drinks, and room! You’d better f****** guard that f***** stairwell!”

Me: *happily* “We’ve already refunded your card, and added you to our not-welcome list. Have a nice evening!”

(We hear her screaming all the way out to her car, and then watch as she drives away angrily, almost hitting several cars.)

Guard: “I already alerted the state boys of a speeding woman driving recklessly. Have a nice night, you two!”

Coworker: *high-fives me*

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