He Bought It In Springfield

| Great Falls, MT, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Movies & TV, Technology

(I work at a call center, registering service plans for customers.)

Customer: “Can you help me set my TV up?”

Me: “I’m not tech support but I can give you the manufacturer’s number so they can help you. What is the brand of your TV?”

Customer: “Simpsons.”

Me: “Simpsons?”

Customer: “Simpsons. Like the TV show. S-A-M-S-U-N-G.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Simpsons.”

Me: “Samsung.”

Customer: “No! Simpsons! Can you not hear me correctly?”

Me: “Yeah, I did hear you. Let’s get you Simpsons’ number.”

Can Still Be Frou-Frou After Poo-Poo

| USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I am on my way to use the restroom. The path takes me through our clothing department, where two women are looking through the racks. As I draw closer, one of them turns and shouts.)

Customer: “Jesus Christ! FINALLY, a person!”

Me: *startled* “Hello! How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I HAVE MS AND JUST POOPED MY PANTS!”

(Her tone was not that of someone in panic because she’d just had an accident, but more of pure, unbridled rage that I somehow hadn’t correctly guessed what was happening on my own.)

Customer: “OH, MY F****** GOD, DID YOU NOT HEAR ME? ARE YOU JUST GOING TO STAND THERE STARING AT ME? I HAVE MS AND JUST POOPED IN MY PANTS!”

Me: *completely unsure of what she wanted me to do about it* “I’m sorry, ma’am, there’s a restroom right over here where you can clean—”

Customer: “YOU’RE SO INCOMPETENT! I NEED NEW CLOTHES RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Ma’am, what size do you wear? I can get you a change of clothes while you use the restr—”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD, ARE YOU JOKING? I HAVE A MESS IN MY PANTS AND YOU—” *shakes her head and flails her hands in the air like I’m the dumbest person she has ever encountered*

(Meanwhile her companion quietly wanders away, unwilling to calm her down or help with the situation.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to help you.”

Customer: “F****** FINE! GET ME SOME SHORTS!”

(I go to the nearest rack of shorts and grab a pair that I guess are close to her size.)

Customer: “ARE YOU F****** KIDDING ME? SERIOUSLY? I WOULDN’T BE CAUGHT DEAD IN THOSE!”

(She rolled her eyes, turned, and trailing obscenities stormed out the door while shaking her head and waving her arms around. Apparently one should be concerned with fashion first, regardless of the situation.)

Has Been Given “Alternative Facts” About Climate Change

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(A woman approaches my register and hands me four reusable grocery bags she has brought with her. I scan her groceries and start bagging them into the reusable bags.)

Woman: “What are you doing! Don’t put stuff directly in the bags! They’ll get dirty!”

(I stand confused for a moment, but she comes around and starts bagging items individually into plastic bags, then putting the plastic bags into the reusable bags. I follow her lead.)

Woman: “Honestly! You’d think they would have you better trained. EVERYONE uses cloth bags nowadays!”

Me: “I apologize. Most people use them because they are better for the environment.”

Woman: *smiling at me now* “Oh, I know. That’s why I bought them!”

Toying With Unreason

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Crazy Requests

(I work in the customer service department or a major toy manufacturer that makes small die-cast toy cars that have been very popular not only with kids but with collectors for decades. It is the mid 90s before the rise in online shopping. I get a call one day from an irate parent:)

Me: “Good morning. Thank you for calling [Toy Manufacturer]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I want to complain about how you distribute the [Toy Car Line]!”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “It is disgraceful and unfair when a parent takes his son to [Big Box Store] that all the toy cars have been bought by collectors and left none for the kids.”

Me: “Yes, I know it can be disappointing. But when some of the cars are released they are very—”

Caller: “Your company needs to do something about it!”

Me: “I… I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

Caller: “You need to tell the stores that they aren’t allowed to sell all the cars to adults. You need to tell them to save some for the kids!”

Me: “Sir, [Toy Manufacturer] can not, nor would we have any way, to tell the stores not to sell their merchandise to someone.”

Caller: “Well, why the h*** not?”

Me: “For one, the store has the right to sell anyway they see fit. They purchase the toys from us, we ship it to them and then they decided what to do with the merchandise they now OWN. Plus, their goal is to sell as much as possible. If someone comes in and wants to buy all their stock, it doesn’t make sense to not allow that person to buy it JUST IN CASE someone MIGHT come in at a later date and buy what’s left.”

Caller: “It’s not fair. You are being unfair to children! You should do something!”

Me: “Well, sir, I don’t know what you expect us to do about it. It’s called a free market.”

Caller: “[Toy Manufacturer] doesn’t care about kids! You just don’t want them to play!” *at this point he starts cussing and yelling*

Me: “Thank you for calling [Toy Manufacturer] and you have a nice day, sir. Good bye!”

(I hang up on him. My manager, who I didn’t know had been listening in on the call, comes up to me.)

Manager: “What an idiot! I was about to tell you to hang up on him when you beat me to it. Good job!”

Me: “Sad thing is it’s not the first call I have gotten like that, nor depressingly, I doubt the last.”

Manager: “Well, what the h*** do they expect us to do?”

Me: “I guess they want us to make the stores ID everyone who comes in to buy the toy car and track who buys what.”

It’s Corny But It’s True

| Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work in a bath and body store that’s very well-known for being extremely environmentally friendly and super ethical. Because of this, customers are always trying to “catch” us doing or selling something that goes against our company values. One day a middle-aged woman comes in and the following happens:)

Me: “Hey there! How’s it—”

Customer: “How dare you call yourselves all-natural., I mean look at all of these awful ingredients!”

Me: “Well, we actually don’t claim to be completely—”

Customer: “I mean, I can’t even pronounce half of these disgusting chemicals! You should be ashamed!”

Me: “Which ingredients exactly are you refer—”

Customer: “Look at this garbage! Sodium bicarbonate?! Do you even know what that is? It probably burns your skin off!”

Me: “It’s baking soda.”

(The woman freezes at that point, clearly unsure of how to proceed, but obviously not quite ready to let it go.)

Customer: “Well… and look at this!” *picks up one of our packing peanuts, which are not Styrofoam but in fact food grade* “How long do you think these will sit in the landfill for?”

Me: “About thirty seconds.”

Customer: “You’re clearly completely uneducated.”

Me: “They’re made of corn.”

Customer: “I highly doubt that. I can’t believe a company that claims to be so environmentally—”

(She trails off as I grab a handful of packing peanuts and dunk them in a bowl of water sitting on the display table next to me. The peanuts melt into mush and I pull my hand back out covered in orange goo.)

Customer: “Well, you just have an answer for everything, don’t you?!”

(She stormed out of the store and in her haste almost took out an entire display table.)

Page 12/3,080First...1011121314...Last