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Not Going To Slug It Out With You

| Melton Mowbray, England, UK | Home Improvement, Language & Words, Popular

(I am the customer in this story. I am exhausted from lack of sleep and have nipped out to get slug killer after finding slugs in the garden. I pick up two large containers and a bottle of ant killer too. I am a small female. Upon going to the checkout.)

Till Lady: “Good morning, how are you?”

Me: *calmly* “I’m going on a murderous rampage.”

Till Lady: *eyes go wide*

Me: “In my garden. Slugs and ants can suck it today!”

Till Lady: *pause* “Do you want a bag?”

(Sorry for scaring you!)

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Big Mac Attack, Part 2

| UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I was at my workplace, a well-known burger, fries, and shakes chain, doing my tasks for the night. It is the evening before a bank holiday, so as you can expect, the entirety of Britain wants to get drunk. It is around seven pm when a customer approaches with her husband.)

Customer: *hands me two vouchers* “I want one o’ them an’ one o’ them.”

Me: *notices one of the tickets has an option on it* “Okay, so, on this one, is it [Popular Burger] or [Popular Chicken Sandwich]?”

Customer: “One of each.”

Me: “You can either get the [Popular Burger] or [Popular Chicken Sandwich] on this one.”

Customer: *looks at me confused/angry then it suddenly dawns* “Right I’ll have the [Popular Burger].”

Customer’s Husband: “[My Name], you’re confusin’ her!”

Me: *internally sighs; puts through order, takes money and gives change*

Customer’s Husband: *hands me a voucher of the same choice type* “I’ll have a [Popular Burger] and fries on that.”

Me: “All right, then.”

Customer’s Husband: *turns to wife* ‘See? Simple and straight up so I don’t confuse him!’

Me: *another internal sigh* “That’ll be [price], please.”

Related:
Big Mac Attack

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It’s My Party, I Can Pump If I Want To

| VA, USA | Food & Drink

(I volunteer at a non-profit coffee shop and am one of the only few people that run the register.)

Me: “Hi, what can we get for you today?”

Woman: “Yes, I’d like your [Caramel Blended Drink] with five extra pumps of caramel in it.”

Me: “Um, okay. You would like five extra pumps of caramel in it?”

Woman: “Yes, that correct.”

Me: *in disbelief* “We already make it with three, so you want it with an additional five?”

Woman: “Yes, I guess I’m saying I would like eight pumps in it.” *laughs* “It’s my birthday so I can do what I want.”