Afterlife After Hours

| Telford, England, UK | Religion

(We are working in what used to be an old-fashioned hardware shop, turning it into offices. The front door is open. A member of the public sticks their head round the door…)

Man: “Are you reopening?”

Me: “As offices. Sorry.”

Man: “Where has the old bloke gone?”

Me: “He died. The business closed.”

Man: “Yes, but where did he go?”

Me: “That rather depends on your views on the afterlife.”

Man: “I mean, where is he running his shop now?”

Me: “I’m sorry. He’s dead. The shop is closed.”

Man: “…” *walks off*


Both Taking A Uniform Approach

| Spouses & Partners

(I am shopping in a department store where the employee uniform is a red shirt and khaki pants. A middle-aged couple is next to me and the husband approaches a nearby young man talking to a group of friends. The young man is wearing a red t-shirt and dark green pants.)

Husband: “Hey, there, where do you keep the hats?”

Young Man: “Sorry man, but I don’t work here.”

Husband: “What? Oh! I guess you gotta be careful, wearing that red shirt in here!”

Wife: “Dear, you look like YOU work here.”

(The husband looks down – he is wearing a red shirt and khaki pants in the same style as the actual store employees.)

Husband: “Well, dang…”


Getting Bitter About It

, | OK, USA | Bad Behavior

(We have two kinds of iced tea, sweet and unsweet, and we also have two different artificial sweeteners. Many people want these sweeteners if they get unsweet tea. The customer pulls up to the window I’m working during one of our busiest times.)

Customer: “Hi, I just came from [Other Location] and I got an unsweet tea. I was wondering if I could have some sweeteners.”

Me: “Sure, let me go get some.”

(I run and get a couple packets of each sweetener to see which one the woman wants, and she shakes her head as soon as she sees them.)

Customer: *starting to get angry* “You don’t have [Other Brand of sweetener]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no, but I can—”

Customer: “Guess I’ll have to do without it. Thanks for nothing, b****!”

(The woman speeds out of the drive-thru, nearly hitting someone on her way out.)

Customer #2: *having heard the better part of the exchange* “Good thing I don’t need [Other Brand of sweetener], but she needs some for her attitude.”


Customers Have Thin Shells

| York, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I work at a popular discount store. We have a deal going on where you can get 18 medium eggs for one dollar so people have been buying two or three cases at a time. One customer comes up with three cases.)

Me: *opens first case, checks eggs, scans, and puts it in a bag. Does it again with the second. Opens the third, and notices one egg looks cracked so I gently nudge it to look closer*

Customer: “Are you touching my food?”

Me: *stops* “Oh, I apologize, ma’am. This one egg looked cracked but—” *nudges it again* “—it seems to be just a mark.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re touching my food. I eat that, you know? When was the last time you washed your hands?”

Me: “I apologize ma’am, but I wanted to make sure none of the eggs were broken before you purchase them.”

Customer: *becomes angrier* “No! I want another case! You’re touching my food with nasty hands! How am I supposed to eat it now?”

Me: *confused* “Ma’am, I didn’t realize you ate the shell.”

Customer: *fumes, throws down her money, and walks out with all three cases*


Pinning Down The Repeat Problem

| NE, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I work for a fast food restaurant chain that’s pretty much based in Nebraska. The following happens within the span of a week while I’m working drive-thru by myself.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Fast Food Place]. How may I help you?”

Lady: “Can I have two separate orders, please?”

Me: “Sure. What can I get you for your first order?”

Lady: “A number one with a Pepsi for the first item.”

Me: “Okay. That’ll be [total] for that. And the second?”

Lady: “A number nine with ranch and a Dr. Pepper, please.”

Me: “All right. That’ll be [total] for that, then. I’ll see you at the window!”

(She pulls up as I get her items ready. I open the window and greet her.)

Me: “Hey there! [Total] for the first one!”

(She hands me a card, which I put in the chip reader. It tells me I need a PIN, so I go to hand the machine out to her.)

Me: “Sorry, but I need a PIN, please.”

Lady: “Oops! Hang on a sec, I need to call my friend; it’s her card.”

(I pull back my arm and wait while she calls her friend. When she hangs up I go to hand it back.)

Lady: “Oh, it’s [PIN].”

Me: *stares in shock* “I’m… I’m sorry?”

Lady: *moronically repeats PIN*

Me: “O-Okay…”

(I type it in and it goes through. I hand back the receipt and the first meal. The rest of the transaction goes smoothly but I remain in shock at the pure stupidity of this woman. I figure that she’ll remain the clear winner of the “Moron of the Month” award, but alas, a week later another woman comes through who’s just as stupid.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Fast Food Place]. How may I help you?”

Lady #2: “Yes, I’d like a number five, please, with a diet Pepsi.”

Me: “Anything else today?”

Lady #2: “No, thank you.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [total]. I’ll see you at the window!”

(I get her drink as the lady pulls up. I then open the window and greet her, thinking this will go as it normally does. It doesn’t.)

Me: “Hey there! [Total], please.”

Lady #2: *hands me a card*

(I place the card in the chip reader and lo and behold, I need her PIN. I go to hand the machine out to her.)

Me: “Sorry, but I need your PIN.”

Lady #2: “It’s [PIN].”

Me: *stares at her in total shock* “Wh-wha…?”

Lady #2: *louder and clearly oblivious to her stupidity* [PIN NUMBER].”

(I didn’t say anything this time as I put in her PIN for her. It went through, and I handed her back her card. Everything else proceeded as normal and she left with her food, satisfied. Either I have a very trustworthy face, or this is the Month of the Morons!)

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