The Computer Has A Lot Of Bugs

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Technology

(We take calls from people who’ve purchased protection plans..)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Team]! My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yeah, uh, I got a message from y’all’s service center that said they can’t repair my [Console].”

Me: “Oh, gosh, sorry about that. Mind if I put you on hold for a quick minute or two? I’ll see what notes they’ve left on that.”

(I put the caller on hold and when I check his file, the service center first told us that it was “unsanitary” to repair. When I keep reading, I find out that the center refused to service the Console because of a cockroach infestation. I took an extra 30 seconds to compose myself and try to find a way to gently break this to the customer.)

Me: “Hi! Thanks for holding; sorry for the wait. Um, there’s no easy way to say this but, uh… the service center denied repairs because it was unsanitary.”

Customer: “What? What does that mean?”

Me: “They said that there was a… cockroach… infestation.”

(The customer stays silent for a little while. It’s important to note that the customer originally filed a claim because the Consoleq was overheating.)

Customer: “Well, uh… what, what if I cleaned it out? Can I send it back in then?”

Me: “Well, I’m not entirely sure we’d be able to accept that, but you can certainly try! Maybe that’ll even solve your heating issue.”

(Customer thanked me and hung up. A few weeks later, one of my coworkers got a call from the same guy. They had to forward the call to our supervisor, who then proceeded to tell him that unless he could send us a copy of the invoice from when the Console was professionally cleaned, we would continue to refuse service on his infested Console!)

Will Need To See A Doctor(ate) After This

, | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Popular, School

(It’s my first day of working the front desk at the center. My coworker takes a call, which he puts on speaker so I can hear and learn the appropriate reactions to certain common questions, should they come up.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is the [University Center]. My name is [Coworker]. How can I help you?”

Client: “I need help writing my doctoral thesis.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, we primarily provide services to undergrad students.”

Client: “But your website says you have someone who does doctorate level work!”

Coworker: “Yes, sir, but he does doctorate level statistics, and does not work in our writing department. He will not be able to assist you in writing your thesis.”

Client: *growing angry* “I just want someone to do the work! I don’t care if he’s in the writing department or not!”

Coworker: “Unfortunately, sir, we are explicitly told not to do work for students, but rather aid them in understand concepts.”

Client: *shouting* “That’s ridiculous! What purpose do you people serve if you won’t even do a doctoral thesis! You’re getting paid aren’t you? You f***ing lazy, useless undergrad s***s don’t even deserve to be here!”

Coworker: *pauses* “Excuse me, sir, let me transfer you to my manager.”

Client: “Please do! Then I can tell them what a f***ing t**t you are!”

(Coworker transfers the call, and then looks at me.)

Coworker: *dryly* “Well, unfortunately for him, I transferred him to an empty desk. [Manager] doesn’t work weekends.”

I Pronounce Thee Idiot

, | NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Popular

Customer: *over dressed for our grocery store location, and speaking with the sort of tone you normally reserve for children* “Give me three la-Zaa-nya squares, an eggplant salad, and one bru-Skeee-ta.

(The customer throws on a really thick, and sudden accent when pronouncing the food. He smiles at me in a way that makes me think I’m supposed to be impressed by this.)

Me: *punching in the order, and repeating it back using the accepted American pronunciation of the words ‘lasagna ‘ and ‘bruschetta* “Three lasagna squares, one large eggplant salad, one bruschetta.”

Customer: “Bru-Skeeeeh-ta” *he drags out the pronunciation even more*

Me: “One bruschetta.” *I agree, again, as per our store policy*

Customer: *looking self important* “It’s actually an Italian word? See if it were German, you would say it the way you’re saying it, but it’s not. Bru-SKEH-ta. See?”

Me: “If you say so, sir.” *getting his order ready, at this point, I’m too tired to deal with him*

Customer: “It’s just like ‘SPUH-geeh-tee’.” He grins at me.

Me: “Of course, sir.”

Customer: “You look like a nice Italian girl. Don’t you want to learn the language?”

Me: *handing him his food* “I’m a boy, sir.”

(His face dropped, and turned an interesting shade of red. He snatched his food away and spit something in what I could only presume is very overly-pronounced Italian at me, before hurrying away.)

Don’t Double Your In-Tray

| TX, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(It is near closing time. There are only two customers in the store and both came in at the same time and are waiting on orders. Their food comes up at the same time so I put it on separate trays and take it out. Customer #2 is in the restroom but Customer #1 comes to retrieve food and asks for sauce, requiring me to put down the other tray. When I turn back around Customer #1 has begun to move all of the food onto one tray.)

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not your order. Only the food on the tray I handed you was with your order.”

(Customer #1 ignores me. By this point Customer #2 has come out of the restroom and sat down at a table close to the counter.)

Me: “Are you and the other customer eating together?”

(Customer #1 barely nods and takes food to the farthest table in the restaurant. When Customer #1 sits down Customer #2 comes up to the counter.)

Customer #2: “How much longer till my food is ready?”

Me: “Are you not with her?” *pointing to Customer #1*

Customer #2: “Um… no.”

Me: “One second.”

(I told my team leader what had happened and the food was remade. Customer #2 took his food back to the table he was sitting at and the two customers never interacted. From that point on, everyone on the night shift was very careful to only take out one order at a time.)

When Powering Up Brings You Down

| Stirling, Scotland, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m the idiot customer in this. My phone isn’t working due to water damage, so I have a temporary replacement: my mum’s old phone. It worked fine for about four months, and then mysteriously stopped working after one of my exams. I left it for about a month, continuing to charge it overnight and try to turn it on, before I take it in to the phone repair shop.)

Me: “Hi, I have a [Phone] and I’ve brought it in once before. About a month ago it stopped working. I’ve been charging it but it won’t turn on.”

Employee: “May I see the phone?”

Me: “Of course!”

(I put the phone down and the employee presses a button.)

Me: “Oh, no, the power button is here—”

(The phone starts to turn on.)

Me: “Oh.”

(The employee just looks at me. I pick up the phone and look at the button he pressed; sure enough, there’s a power symbol there.)

Me: “Oh. Um. Right. I’ve just been pressing the wrong button.”

Employee: “Yes, the power button and the lock button are separate on this model. Most phones have one for both functions.”

Me: “Thank you. Sorry to bother you.”

(I left with the phone, feeling like an idiot.)