icon_holidays

Thankful To Be Rid Of You

| Long Island, NY, USA | Holidays

(I’m working box office at a movie theater on Thanksgiving Day. My shift starts right around noon, and goes until around eleven at night, meaning I miss most of the holiday. I’m sad about this, as I’m a huge holiday person, but I’m trying to put on a cheery face for the customers. Two older women come up to my register, both smiling and still well-dressed from Thanksgiving dinner.)

Me: “Good afternoon! What can I do for you both today?”

Customer: “We’re just so excited to be here; we just had the best Thanksgiving dinner!”

Me: “That’s great!”

Customer: “Are you all excited to have dinner with your family?”

Me: *trying my best to keep my tone happy and light* “Well, unfortunately, I won’t be able to, but I’m looking forward to the leftovers; those are the best parts anyway!”

(Suddenly, both women lose their friendly manner and stare at me with heavy frowns, eyeing me as if I’ve just spit on an American flag.)

Customer: “You mean you aren’t having Thanksgiving dinner?”

Me: “Well, not at the same time as my family.”

Customer: “Well, why not? Don’t you like Thanksgiving?”

Me: “I love Thanksgiving, but my family always has dinner at two, and I’ve been at work since noon.”

Customer: “Don’t you have a Thanksgiving dinner to go later today?”

Me: *still trying to smile and ignore their frowns and angry tones* “Well, my boyfriend’s family does eat around six, but I’m working here until eleven, so I’m afraid I’ll miss that, too.”

Customer: “That’s unbelievable! You must not like Thanksgiving at all! How awful!”

Me: “I promise you, I do not dislike Thanksgiving. I simply have to work.”

Customer: “You just must hate Thanksgiving! I cannot imagine hating Thanksgiving!”

Me: “Again, I do not dislike Thanksgiving. We all have to work holidays here, that’s all.”

Customer: “But… why?”

Me: “…because people come to see–” *I don’t answer her for a moment, but it’s clear she sincerely doesn’t understand why, so I try to speak with the least accusing tone possible* “–movies on holidays, and someone has to sell them their tickets?”

Customer: *huffing and shaking her head* “I just cannot believe that someone could dislike Thanksgiving. Imagine, not eating with your family. We’ll take two tickets to [Movie], by the way.”

(I swipe her card and print their tickets, now trying not to cry; I was truly heartbroken to be working on one of my favorite days, but I had no choice.)

Me: “Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy your movie.”

Customer: *shaking her head at her friend as they walk away* “Can you imagine, hating Thanksgiving that much?”

icon_checkout

Doing Party Tricks By The Numbers

, | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout

(The theme park I work for is in the process of changing ownership. As a result, all merchandise labelled with the old management name is sold as 60% off clearance in a special tent sale. Despite the sale’s popularity, I usually work alone in the tent. A customer asks me to price check an item. As the register requires us to override and manually enter the discount for each item separately, I prefer to mentally do the math instead.)

Customer: “How much is this?”

Me: *sees the $30 tag* “With the 60% off, it will be $12, sir.”

Customer: “How did you do that?! Did you memorize all the sale prices?!”

Me: “No, I just calculated in my head, sir.”

Customer: *grabs a nearby item* “Well, how much is THIS, then?”

Me: “That’ll be $6, sir.”

(Customer watches me with a flabbergasted expression and thanks me. Ten minutes later at the register:)

Me: *sees the customer bring an armful of items* “Oh, hello again. Did you find everything all right?”

Customer’s Wife: “Honey, are we getting all of these?”

Customer: *to wife* “No, hush.” *to me* “Can you tell me the prices of these items?”

Me: *looks at the line forming behind him* “Yes, of course!”

(I go over each item with him, and as fast as I can, tell him the prices after the discount.)

Me: “Do you want any of these items, sir?”

Customer: *stares at me like I’m crazy* “Of course not.” *walks away and says to his wife* “See, I told you she could do a pretty cool trick!”

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Not Mushroom For Anything Else

| USA | Food & Drink

(I’m taking a gentleman’s order over the phone for delivery.)

Me: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “I’d like a large pizza, half sausage and mushroom and the other half mushroom. That’s all.”

Me: “Okay, so you’d like a large pizza, all of it with mushrooms and half with sausage as well?”

Customer: “NO! I want a large pizza with HALF sausage and mushroom and HALF mushroom.”

Me: “So basically the exact same thing I just said? Great your total will be $[price] with tax and delivery we’ll see you soon.”  *hang up*

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Lack Of Stock Options

| Newington, NH, USA | Crazy Requests

(I am a cashier at a well-known craft store, and am currently cashing out a customer when another customer pushes his way in front of her and demands my assistance.)

Customer: “Hey, you! Cashier! Where do you keep the [item I’ve never heard of]!?”

Me: “What is that? Can you describe it?”

Customer: “You use it to cut Styrofoam. It’s got a thin wire that heats up to melt through it so that it doesn’t, y’know, break up into small bits or whatever.”

Me: *having heard a request for an identical item on my radio* “Wait, didn’t you just ask three other people about that, including the store manager and the assistant manager?”

Customer: “Yeah. They said that if you carried it that it would be over in aisle three!”

Me: “So… did you check aisle three?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: “And was it there?”

Customer: “Obviously not, you dumb s***!”

Me: *wanting to get back to cashing out the customer I was helping before* “Sir, you already spoke to three other employees, including the store manager. They all said that if we had that item that it would be in aisle three.”

Customer: “And it wasn’t! Now are you going to help me or am I going to have to take my business elsewhere?!”

Me: “Well since you’re looking for an item that we apparently don’t sell, you’re going to have to take your business elsewhere no matter what I do.”

Customer: “I… Well… S***!” *stomps off angrily*

(I should have been written up for that, but my store manager decided not to because not only was it hilarious but it was also pretty certain that we’d not have gotten his business no matter what I did.)

icon_homeimprovement

The Power Of “Believe”

| UK | Awesome Customers, Home Improvement

(I work in a hardware store where items are ordered from a catalogue, paid for, and then received at the counter. You have to ask to see the items before purchase; because of this we deal mostly with tradesmen. Because I look very young for my age (I’m often mistaken for 15 or 16 whereas I’m actually 24) people often don’t believe me when I give them information. Mostly they think I’m a new starter and ask to speak to one of my male colleagues, who then defer to me as I’m actually the senior service assistant at my store. This means I’m often going and getting the items to get them out of their packaging to prove that the dimensions or whatever other information they’re looking for.)

Me: “Hi, sorry for the wait; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to return this strainer waste. I’m actually looking for just the strainer, but this isn’t the right size. I know you have another in the book in a different make. Do you know if it’s bigger?”

Me: *getting the program up to find the item in the warehouse* “I’m afraid they’re the same size. I’ve compared them before.”

Customer: “No, that’s fine. Just the refund, then.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just find it… Wait, you believed me?”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “But no one believes me.”

Customer: “But why would you lie?”

Me: “I know, right?”

(I process the refund, and at the end we’re supposed to bid farewell with some variation of “thank you, goodbye”)

Me: “Thank you for believing me! Bye bye!”

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