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Coupoff

| Pittsburgh PA, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

(While waiting to clock in, I notice a warning to employees about a fraudulent coupon that people have been trying to use. It says $70 off anything in the store which is frankly ridiculous and I comment something to my other coworkers.)

Me: “What dumb-a** customer would ever think this was real?! The most we ever have is $10 off and you usually have to spend $30 or more.”

Coworker: “My dumb-a** customer! I had a lady argue with me earlier asking how I knew it wasn’t real. I had to point out that ‘back,’ ‘discount,’ and ‘redeemed’ were spelled wrong. Even then she kept trying to use it.”

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Looking For Wifi In All The Wrong Places

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Patron: *indicating a tablet* “I just got this and I need help with it.”

Me: “Are you trying to connect to the library Wi-Fi?”

Patron: “No, I just bought this and I need help getting it to work.”

Me: “Ma’am, are you asking me to set up your new tablet for you?”

Patron: “Yes.”

Me: “If you have a question pertaining to the library, I’ll be happy to help you with that, but if you need help setting up your tablet you should contact the company where you purchased it.”

Patron: *bewildered* “So, you just do library questions?”

Me: “…”

(The same patron comes up to the front desk 10 minutes before we close.)

Patron: *indicating same tablet again* “I went and talked to [Company] and I need to set up my Wi-Fi password.”

Me: “You don’t need a password to access the library Wi-Fi. It’s free and not password-protected. Maybe they were talking about setting up your Wi-Fi at home?”

Patron: “I’m not at home. I’m here at the library, and they told me I need to add a password.”

Me: “Not that I’m doubting [Company]’s expert knowledge on every aspect of our library’s Wi-Fi, but I can assure you that it does not require a password and there is no way you could use your tablet to add a password to the library’s Wi-Fi.”

Patron: *holding up cell phone* “But I got a text saying I used 90% of my gigabytes and they are charging me for it and it was because of your Wi-Fi! I need to add a password!”

Me: “There is no possible way that [Company] is charging you for using our free, public library Wi-Fi. Now, we’re about to close, so why don’t you come back tomorrow and use our Wi-Fi then?”

Patron: *with a judgmental glare* “Fine. I’ll just go to a coffee shop. Maybe THEY will help me!”

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In Line And Out Of Line, Part 10

| UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(It’s Black Friday, 2014. This is the first time I’ve worked this event, and have been at work since 8 am, with the shop having been open since 6 am. Our shop isn’t the largest in the chain, but is still a reasonable size for a retail unit. Things have gotten so busy with customers that the queue stretches around half of the shop floor, and we are starting to run out of some of the really popular items. As I’m speaking to customers on the shop floor, a lady who’d recently arrived caught my attention.)

Customer: “Excuse me, we’re ready to pay and I was wondering if you could skip us to the front of the queue?”

(By this point, there were easily 30 people ahead of her.)

Me: “I’m afraid it wouldn’t be fair on the other customers who were waiting in line to let you go ahead of them.”

Customer: “Why did you have to say that out loud? They’ll have heard you!”

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 9
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 8
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 7

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Getting Shirty About The Shirt

| Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(I used to work at a theme park with a popular two month long Halloween event. As a merchandise vendor I manned a glow cart during the event, and had a cash apron and a phone to run credit cards. This particular night, I am assigned to the cart that sells light up t-shirts that respond to music. I sell a $40 shirt to a drunk man and he leaves, wearing the shirt, only to return a few minutes later.)

Customer: *slurring* “I don’t want it anymore.”

Me: “I am so sorry, but we’re actually not allowed to do returns.”

(This is because a. we physically aren’t capable of doing credit card returns on our company phones and therefore to be fair don’t do any returns, and b. people commonly try to scam us because we’re working out of a cash apron and not a register.)

Customer: “Look, I don’t want it anymore. I’ve got work tomorrow and I need that cash.”

Me: “We’re really not supposed to do returns, but—”

(I’m about to tell him I’ll call my manager and ask for assistance, but he throws his hands up and storms off. I watch in surprise as he rips the shirt off his back and throws it into the street. He starts to walk away, but then stops and runs back to pick up the shirt. I think he’s going to leave with it until he actually tries to shove the shirt into a prop mailbox nearby. When he realizes there’s no actual opening, he leans down and shoves the shirt down the storm drain. I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “He literally just threw $40 down the drain.”

(I don’t know if anyone will ever get the shirt out of the drain or what it will look like when they do.)

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The Biggest Pest Isn’t The Wasp

| MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I use to work as an admin for a pest company. The techs make their own schedules with monthly visits to customers and fit in people that have called for re-treatments. Usually when people call in asking for an extra service I can get them to wait a day or two to help the techs.)

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I have a wasp in my screen porch!”

Me: “Oh, dear! Well, to help your tech, do you know where the nest might be in your porch?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay. Have you seen them flying in a certain direction?”

Customer: “No. It’s just one that got inside. Can you just send the tech now to kill it!”

Me: “Wait, you want me to have the tech go off route now to kill one wasp?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Have you seen a lot of activity outside?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Let me see what I can do.”

(I put her on hold and tap my fingers for a few moments and have a snack. It’s our busy season and that route is our largest and busiest with only one tech near it. I wasn’t about to call him for one wasp.)

Me: “Thanks for holding. I called the tech and he won’t be able to fit you in today. I could put in a request for tomorrow.”

Customer: “What?! I pay you guys good money to take care of pests! What am I supposed to do about this wasp?”

Me: “Hit it with a rolled up magazine.”

Customer: “What?! How dare you! I want my tech to call me!”

Me: “I can do that. Have a nice day.”

(I send a message for the tech to call her. Two hours later he ran in for supplies.)

Tech: “What the h*** was that all about?! She wanted me to go kill one wasp!”

Me: “Yeah, I know. I told her to hit it with a magazine.”

Tech: “So did I! I’m not going 20 minutes off route to spray one wasp! I’m lucky I found the time to pick up more chemicals!”

(Seriously, yeah, you are paying us, but so are tons of other people. Grow up and slap it with a newspaper. Sadly, that was not the first or last call I got like that. One involved a dead hamster under the stove. Another was a frog… in their yard.)

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