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That’s A Wrap!

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

(I work part-time at a popular national chain with quite a few franchises scattered about. We have a variety of meals which you can have made in either a wrap or a roll, for which we specifically ask the customer for when they order. From this particular customer’s actions, I would guess English is not their first language.)

Customer: *holding what appears to be a chicken schnitzel roll* Excuse me! I ordered a roll and you have given me a burger!

(I get my manager over because customer complaints have to be directed to them.)

Manager: “What you have there is a roll; we only serve wraps and rolls; that is the latter.”

Customer: “But this is not a roll! This is a burger! See, it’s made in a bun, not rolled up!” *shows us what it looks like in detail in case we didn’t understand*

Manager: “That isn’t a burger. It is a roll. It is similar but if you asked for a roll and not a wrap then that is what they will make for you.”

Customer: “Don’t pretend like I don’t know how rolls work. See up there?” *points to a wrap on menu* “THAT is what I want, d*** it. I want it ROLLED UP like that!”

Manager: “So, what you want is a wrap…?”

Customer: “NO, I want a ROLL for th—” *the penny drops* “Oh… s***.”

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Need Some Ma’am Malm

| MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I’m a technician, going over discharge instructions for a dog with an eye injury. I have a reputation for getting more and more polite the more difficult or foolish the clients become.)

Me: “So you’ll need to put these drops in his eye three times a day for the next two weeks, and make sure he wears his E-collar.”

Client: “Will it make him not want to eat?”

Me: “You can take the collar off while he’s eating, but put it right back on afterwards and don’t let him scratch the eye.”

Client: “No, the drops. Will they make him sick to his stomach?”

Me: “No, ma’am. They don’t cause nausea.”

Client: “Do they taste bad? Can I mix them with peanut butter? That’s what I do for his other pills.”

Me: “NO! Ma’am, these are EYE drops. He shouldn’t eat them. They go in his eye. It’s a topical medication.”

Client: “Ohhh. Do I put them in both eyes or just the squinty one?”

Me: “Just the squinty one, ma’am.”

Client: “Are you sure? What if his other eye gets squinty?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m sure. He has a scratch on his eye. Those aren’t contagious. I promise.”

Client: “Well, I’ll put them in both eyes anyway, just in case.”

Me: *gives up* “Sure, ma’am. Just make sure to keep up with the drops in the affected eye for the full two weeks. If you run out early just come in and we’ll get you some more.”

(The client leaves, and the practice manager comes out from behind the desk where she’d been sitting trying not to laugh.)

Manager: “I bet [Veterinarian] five bucks she would be a seven Ma’am-er, at least!”

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Stick To Your Ac-Cord

| Dortmund, Germany | Technology

(This happened to my coworker at a call center of a large telephone company.)

Coworker: “Welcome to [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *an old lady* “Hello, my phone is broken. It doesn’t ring anymore when someone calls me.”

Coworker: “Okay. Is it a rented phone or have you bought it?”

Customer: “I don’t know; it’s old.”

Coworker: “Is it a cordless one?”

Customer: “What?”

Coworker: “You know, one without a cord between the telephone and the handset? Or is there a cord?”

Customer: “I’m not sure. Please wait, I’ll have a look.”

Coworker: “Um….”

(Two minutes later:)

Customer: “Hello? Listen, I have no idea what kind of phone I have. My son is coming over tomorrow; he’ll call you again then.”

Coworker: “Good idea.”