Honesty Begins At Home(owner)

| USA | Money

(My store has a price for contractors and a higher price for regular homeowners. We’ve tried various ways to subtly ask if a caller is a contractor, so we don’t lose their business by automatically giving out the higher homeowner price, but the subtle ways haven’t worked well. This caller has already been borderline rude before this exchange.)

Caller: “Yeah, how much is your [Product]?”

Me: “Sir, are you a contractor or a homeowner?”

Caller: *snottily* “Well, which answer is gonna get me a better price?”

Me: “The one where you’re a contractor and can PROVE it.”

Caller: “D*** it, fine. I’m just a homeowner.”

There Is Mushroom For Improvement

| USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(A client left a message on the answering machine that her dog needed his ‘portabello.’ I call her back.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] calling from [Vet]. We got your message about setting an appointment for [Dog].”

Client: “Yes, he needs his portabello for the kennel.”

Me: *trying so hard not to laugh* “Yes, he is due for his bordetella, as well as the rest of his vaccines. When were you looking to make the appointment?”

Client: “No, the kennel said he needed his portabello!”

Me: “The vaccine is actually called bordetella, ma’am. Portabello are a type of mushroom.”

Client: “Well, the kennel said portabello…” *grumbles*

(We set the appointment, and the minute we hung up, I nearly died laughing.)

The Website Has Been Successfully Vetted

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests

(It is a slow Wednesday at the grooming salon where I work. A car pulls into the parking lot and a woman gets down and pushes the door.)

Customer: “Oh, good. You’re open.”

Me: “Did you have an appointment?”

Customer: “No, but she’s really sick. I don’t know what to do.”

Me: “Oh, well, we’re not a vet, ma’am.”

Customer: “You’re not?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “But my grandma told me to bring her here. She said you have a vet here.”

Me: “But we don’t.”

Customer: “Well it says on your website that you do!”

Me: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: “Well, it says on your website, so y’all need to change that.”

(I checked the website just in case, even though I already knew it says no such thing, and I was just confused as to where she got this information. I hope her dog was okay because she didn’t seem too bright.)

Double-Sided And Single-Minded

| Croydon, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Technology

(The library has several computers which you can book for up to two hours per day; if you want to print something it costs 12 pence per page. Members of the library can book slots for themselves via a terminal, but often if there’s a problem with their card they ask us to do it for them at the main desk.)

Customer: “Excuse me; can you book me onto a computer?”

Me: “Of course, madam! If I can have your card?”

(She gives it to me and I book two hours for her. Two hours later:)

Customer: “Can you help me?”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “It’s charging me too much for double-sided.”

Me: “Really? Let’s see how many pages you’re printing.”

(I open up the option where we ‘release’ people’s printing jobs. The lady has a LOT of print-outs queued.)

Me: “Ah… well, to start with, for this one you’re printing five pages, so that would be sixty pence—”

Customer: “But I’m printing double sided. That’s only three pages.”

Me: “…I’m afraid that’s not how it works. You’re paying for the page, not the paper itself.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to pay that! That’s why I’m printing double sided!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s how the computer processes the print job. There’s nothing I can do about it.”

Customer: “But I shouldn’t have to pay for five pages when I’m only printing three!”

Coworker: “Excuse me, but you ARE printing five. You’re really paying for the ink, not the paper.”

Customer: “Now you’re just confused. You don’t seem to understand what I’m saying.”

(She says this a few more times, but we eventually manage to explain to her how the system works, and she then proceeds to print off each batch of printing with no hitches — up until the end.)

Me: “All right, so, this last lot will be forty eight pence.”

Customer: “Oh. I don’t have that much change left. Oh, I really need that last one! It’s my CV.”

Coworker: “Well, we could always print it off and keep it for you until Monday when you can pay for it.”

Customer: “Oh, but I need it now!”

Coworker: “Then we can put a note on your account with the amount you owe us, and you can pay us when you next come in.”

(The customer suddenly looks very reticent and mumbles. My coworker and I share a glance.)

Customer: “Oh, um, I don’t have my library card on me today.”

Me: “Yes, you do. We used it to book you a computer earlier. Don’t you remember?”

(The customer looked very embarrassed as she handed the card over. Surprise, surprise. When we looked at her account there was already an outstanding printing charge from a few days ago. We said nothing to her but, while she was collecting her printing, we discretely blocked the card so that she won’t be able to use her account until the charges have been paid, and she can be ‘reminded’ of it and have it unblocked by another member of staff.)

Pluto Isn’t a Planet Anymore!

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Links to the stories used in this video:
https://notalwaysright.com/his-repair-method-doesnt-hold-water/6431
https://notalwaysright.com/customers-a-real-dodo/8702
https://notalwaysright.com/when-matter-doesnt-matter/6513
https://notalwaysright.com/no-brains-and-the-bees/5821
https://notalwaysright.com/the-union-of-soviet-solar-systems/6610
https://notalwaysright.com/cant-keep-a-good-waitress-down/8863
https://notalwaysright.com/bulk-mail-to-the-future/5838
https://notalwaysright.com/an-argonizing-encounter/43756
https://notalwaysright.com/in-hot-soup-now/41893
https://notalwaysright.com/the-sun-is-such-a-slacker-sometimes-part-2/6363

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