Oh Great, Can’t Wait…

| Right | December 4, 2015

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Complaining To A Cashier

| Right | December 3, 2015

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With Every ‘Like’ I Like You Less

, | Birmingham, AL, USA | Right | December 3, 2015

(A young teenage girl walks in the store:)

Girl: *with attitude* “I, like, bought this $80 phone case like two months ago and it’s, like, completely broken now. Like, what do I do?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the case is way past the store’s return policy; however, it does have a one-year manufacturer warranty you can go through.”

Girl: “That’s, like, so f****** unhelpful. You suck.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s all I can help you with.”

Customer: *observing this conversation to me* “Please don’t apologize to that brat. She obviously just needs to work for something for the first time in her life.”

Girl: “This store sucks and I, like, so just wasted my gas for this s***.” *storms out of store*

They Must Have Misunderstood Her Delivery

| CA, USA | Right | December 3, 2015

(We get a large delivery order for a wealthy building near NYU. A couple, two white people that looked to be in their late 40s in expensive clothes, answer the door. Behind them there is a buffet set up and people mingling.)

Woman: “Hi! Come on in!”

(I enter, putting my bags on the table. I’m about to tell them the total, but they wave me off.)

Woman: “How do you know [Host]?”

Me: “I don’t. I’m the delivery girl.”

(They laugh.)

Man: ”We know [Host] from the English department.”

Woman: “Well, I knew her at Columbia undergrad, so way back!”

Me: “Sure. I’m studying English at Hunter.”

Man: “Great! Here, let us take your coat. What’re you drinking?”

(I keep my coat and have a beer. We talk about what a drag it is reading “Heart of Darkness” every semester. The host appears.)

Man: “[Host], do you know [My Name]? She’s at Hunter studying English.”

Host: “Are you John’s girlfriend?”

Me: “No, I’m the delivery girl.”

Host: *laughs* “Have some food! Let me know when [Pizza Place] gets here. They’re always so slow Friday nights.”

Me: “[Pizza Place] has a lot of customers; it’s nothing personal. It’s [Total], and I figure I already drank my tip.”

(They laugh again, but now the host is confused. He can see the bags splashed with my restaurant’s logo behind me.)

Host: “You’re with [Pizza Place]?”

Me: “Yes. It’s [Total], please.”

(She leaves to get her purse. The couple smiles at me awkwardly and then wanders off. I pocket another beer. The host gives me $80 and good wishes for my finals. I still like to treasure the looks on their faces today!)

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A Very Tech Supportive Outcome

| Pittsburg, CA, USA | Right | December 3, 2015

(I’m the customer in this scenario. I’ve gotten a new computer and am having troubles with the speakers so I call tech support. While on hold I’m fiddling with the computer. The tech support girl comes on right as I realize the problem.)

Me: “No! NOOO!”

Tech Support: *sounding alarmed* “Ma’am?”

Me: “Right as you picked up, I realized what the problem is… The plugs are in the wrong jacks.”

Tech Support: *laughing* “I see. Is there anything else I CAN’T help you with today?”

Me: “Maybe you could send somebody over to help me pick my dignity off the floor…”

Tech Support: *chuckling* “Sorry, ma’am. That’s not covered, unfortunately.”

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