Projecting Stupidity On To Others

| FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

(I’m standing outside an auditorium waiting for the last customers to leave so I can begin cleaning. A man holding a child comes out, irate.)

Customer: “If I didn’t have my kid with me right now, I’d be kicking somebody’s a**!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Was there a problem?”

Customer: “Yeah. Tell your guy up in the booth to stop shining f****** lights in people’s faces! My wife was looking for something! I don’t care if we were standing in front of people! The movie was over!”

(I have no idea what he’s talking about. We only have one story to the building and no one was manning the projectors at the time.)

Me: “Sir, I—”

(At this point my manager cuts me off.)

Manager: “Yes, sir. I’ll have a talk with him. We’re sorry.”

Customer: “Good! Next time I’m kicking somebody’s a** if he shines a light in my face!” *walks away*

Me: “What in the world was he talking about?!”

(The manager gestures to follow him to where the guy was sitting and points back toward the window near the ceiling where the movie was projected. The customer had stood while the credits were playing and having stood, was in the glow of the light. He had looked back and blinded himself by looking at it.)

Any Data Port In A Storm

| Gulf Shores, AL, USA | Bizarre, Technology

(It is shortly after a Hurricane Katrina. We caught some heavy winds and high water. The customer is in a beach-front condo. Tier one customer support has just forwarded me this customer’s ticket and call.)

Me: “This is tier three support. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I have a really dumb question.”

Me: “That’s okay. I work in IT. I’m used it them.”

Customer: “Okay. I’m in [Condo] and there’s no power. My laptop has a good battery though. Is my internet out because of the power outage?”

Me: “Yes. Our equipment is tied into the building power. Can I ask how you’re in [Condo]? The entire first floor is blown out and under water.”

Customer: “I stayed here during the storm. Dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I’m trapped and bored.”

Me: “Do you need me to contact rescue?”

Customer: “Oh, no. Thank you. They know I’m here. I waved to them this morning.”

(I talked to the customer for another hour because neither of us were busy. I wonder how long he was trapped there. Our service didn’t restore for at least three weeks.)

Mother, Daughter, Lawyer, Cry

| Sweden | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(I’ve been told I am extremely scary looking, but I am very kind, especially towards children. My girlfriend has a habit of teasing me for looking so scary. A small child enters the store with her mother. I notice the girl holding a teddy bear and don’t comment on it. My girlfriend is the cashier.)

Mother: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yeah? Can I help you?”

Mother: “How dare you!”

Me: “… Pardon?”

Mother: “How dare you treat me like a lesser being?!”

Me: “I literally said ‘can I help you.’ I work here. It’s my JOB to, y’know, help people.”

(The mother huffs and hurries off, leaving the girl behind, who was looking at some toys. She panics once she sees her mother is gone.)

Girl: “Mommy? Where are you?”

Me: “Aw, h***. Yo, kitten!”

Girlfriend: “Yeah?”

Me: “Can you get [Coworker]? Dude should be in the back. Tell him to find the kid’s mother.”

(I explain how the mother looked. She nods and hurries off. The coworker quickly walks past us with a calm smile. He’s one of my best friends and the only time he snaps is when people are being idiots.)

Me: “Hey, kid. You want a cookie or something?”

Girl: “Mommy says I shouldn’t take things from strangers.”

Me: “Fair point. Come on. Let’s look around, shall we?”

(I show my hand with a calm smile. She carefully grabs it. I now notice she dropped her teddy bear.)

Me: “Hey… Where’s your teddy?”

Girl: “Huh? Oh, no!”

(She looks panicked. I quickly find it and hand it back to her with a calm smile. She quickly hugs it.)

Girl: “You’re scary… but nice.”

Me: “Yeah, so I hear…”

(The coworker from earlier now comes along with the mother, who is screaming
loudly.)

Mother: “How dare you assault my child! You sick f***! I’ll have your a** sued!”

Me: “For what? For leaving your daughter behind?”

Mother: “I’ll have your a** sued! I’m a lawyer!”

Girl: “Mom, you’re a waitress…”

Prices To Put You In The Black

| Denver, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

(I am working as a barista in the coffee kiosk in the mall. We periodically get people complaining that our prices are higher than in the regular stores. Also, there is an extremely large sign posted on the register stating that we can’t take any bills larger than $20.)

Me: “Okay, sir, your total is $3.36.”

Customer: *grumbles* “Your drinks are so expensive!”

Me: “I’m sorry. We’re a franchise run through another company so our prices do average a few cents higher.”

Customer: *still grumbling, pulls out an $100 bill and shoves it at me*

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we can’t take any bills larger than $20. Do you have another denomination or a card?”

Customer: *opens wallet, pulls out a black American Express card, and hands it over grumpily while I try not to stare*

Customer: “YOUR DRINKS ARE SO EXPENSIVE!”

Problem Exists Between Caller And Afterlife

| USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Technology

(I have been trying to help a customer solve a common and easily-fixed issue, but he has been arguing at every point, insisting that his computer is broken beyond repair and we owe him a new, free computer. This is despite the fact that he is several years out of his warranty, and I’ve already granted an exception to help him over the phone, because of the simplicity of the issue.)

Me: “I know this process can sometimes be frustrating, sir, but if you can work with me just a few minutes more, then we’ll have your computer just the way you like it again.”

Caller: “I don’t have time for this! You people broke my computer, and owe me a new one. I’m not going to jump through all these hoops just to have it break again tomorrow!”

Me: “Sir, I understand, but—”

Caller: “This is appalling customer service. You are refusing to grant me a very simple request. [Famous Founder of Company] will be very disappointed that I’m being treated like this!”

Me: “Um, sir—”

Caller: “I’m a close friend of his! In fact, we’re having lunch tomorrow—”

Me: “Sir—”

Caller: “I’m going to tell him all about this and you’re going to get fired!”

Me: “Uh…”

Caller: “Not so smug now, are you?”

Me: “Sir, I regret to inform you, but [Founder] passed away a little over two years ago now.”

Caller: “…”

Me: “There was a film about it.”

Caller: “…”

Me: “I understand it’s painful, having to hear about your close friend from me, rather than the family, but I didn’t want you to be waiting for him at your lunch tomorrow.”

Caller: *click*

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