In A Muddle Over The Mobble

| Wales | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(Most of our visitors are from England, and although we’re familiar with the ‘tourist’ pronunciations of a lot of town names, sometimes they manage to pronounce something so crazy that we have to ask them to spell it, which for us, usually spells trouble…)

Customer: *a smartly-dressed older lady* “Hi. I want to get to Mobblegarnith.”

Me: “Mobblegarnith? I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of it. Did you perhaps mean [Town Name In Cheshire]? It’s a good two-and-a-half hours from here.”

Customer: “It must be near here; I think we passed a sign for it on our way in.”

Me: “Well, the nearest town to here that begins with ‘M’ is [Town Name].”

Customer: “No. Not there.”

Me: “Well, how about [another nearby town name that begins with ‘M’]?”

Customer: “No. Not there either.”

Me: “What about [town that doesn’t begin with ‘M’ but roughly rhymes with the ‘garnith’ part]?”

Customer: “No, no, NO, stupid! It’s not there. It’s Mobblegarnith!” *slowly and louder* “MOBBLE. GARNITH!”

Me: “I’m ever so sorry, but could you spell it for me? Or perhaps tell me a name of another town you passed by where you saw the signs?”

Customer: “Oh for crying out loud. M. A. C. H. Y—”

Me: “Oh! You mean Machynlleth?! That’s a good hour from us, and it’s back the way you came from [Their Hometown].”

Customer: “Yes, finally! Mobblegarnith. I don’t get why you Welsh people have to pronounce it differently just to wind us English up. It’s CLEARLY Mobblegarnith.”

Me: “I assure you it’s not deliberate. The Welsh alphabet is just a tiny bit bigger than the English one. We actually have 28 letters versus your 26, so we have to combine some of the letters in the alphabet to finish making up our alphabet. The pronunciations are all right once you get used to them, though.”

Customer: “Don’t lecture me, young lady! Your alphabet is nothing more than silly lies; if you’d been properly educated you’d know how to pronounce all these places. Now, could you please, very kindly, if it is not too much trouble, tell me how to get to Mobblegarnith?”

Me: “Right, okay. I can print you some map directions if you like?”

Customer: *sarcastically* “Thank you, you are most kind.”

Me: *prints maps and hands them to customer* “Here you go! Road directions to Machynlleth. Since you had such trouble getting here, I’ll waive the printing fee.”

Customer: “For goodness’ sakes, girl, say it PROPERLY.”

Me: *dying a bit inside* “I hope you have a safe journey to Mobblegarnith.”

Customer: *gives a satisfied nod, and turns on her heels to leave*

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Two Can Whine For Ten Dollars

, | Peterborough, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money, Theme Of The Month

(I’m taking orders for front counter. A customer walks up and hands me one of our “2 can dine for $9.99” coupons.)

Customer: “I’ll have this, please.”

Me: “No problem. Would you like to add anything else?”

Customer: “No, thank you. Just the two meals.”

Me: “All right, your total is $11.70.”

Customer: “How much is it after the coupon?”

Me: “That is the price with the coupon. You wanted to use the two can dine, right?”

Customer: “Yes, but why is it that price? The coupon says $10 on it.”

Me: “Oh, the $10 is the price before tax, so that makes the difference.”

Customer: “No, you’re supposed to take $10 off, that’s what the coupon means.”

Me: “Sorry, it doesn’t actually work like that. It means that you pay $10 for the two meals. They would normally be over $15 for both without the coupon.”

Customer: “But it says $10 here. So I only owe you the tax.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry but the coupon isn’t for $10 off. You are still saving a good amount off the regular combo prices.”

Customer: “Fine. I don’t want it then. The idiots at [our other location] wouldn’t do it right either.”

(He stormed off muttering about how we were too dumb to honour our own coupon.)

I’m Not Even Here Right Now

| The Netherlands | At The Checkout, Money, Theme Of The Month

(I’ve just found the piece of underwear I was looking for, from the mall’s own brand. The closest check-out happens to be their shop-in-shop lingerie store, so I go there to let the cashier ring up my item.)

Cashier: “That’ll be [total]. Would you like to get a savings card?”

Me: “Perhaps. What does it get me?”

Cashier: “€5 off on your next purchase at [Lingerie Store], over €25 and up.”

Me: “Oh, no thanks. I never shop here.”

Cashier: *gives me a strange look*

Me: “I mean, I never shop for €25 here at [Lingerie Store].”

Cashier: “Oh…” *hands me the receipt* “Well, have a nice day, then.”

Sexy Money

| Sweden | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Money, Rude & Risque

(The Swedish word for the number six is ‘sex.’ The cashier is just about to charge an elderly couple for their groceries.)

Cashier: “That’s 106 kronor.”

(The old man hands him a 100 kronor bill.)

Cashier: “I need six kronor more.”

Old Man: *to cashier* “What did you say?”

Old Woman: “He said he wanted sex.”

Cashier: *getting red but trying to smile* “Six kronor more.”

Old Man: “What?”

Old Woman: *loudly* “He said he wants sex!”

(Both the queue behind them and the queue for the other register go silent and stare.)

Cashier: *loudly* “Kronor!”

Old Man: *loudly* “Speak up woman!”

Old Woman: *almost screaming* “THE CASHIER WANTS SEX FROM YOU!”

Cashier: *screaming* “SIX KRONOR!”

Emotional Blackmail Was Worth A Shot

| Townsend, TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

(I own a kennel which provides both boarding & grooming services. I answer the phone:)

Me: “Good morning, [Kennel]. May I help you?”

Caller: “I need to board my dog. We’re here on vacation.”

Me: “Very good. What dates would you like to board your dog?”

Caller: “We need to bring her in today. We wanna go to Dollywood!”

Me: “We do have space for her, but we require proof of vaccinations: rabies, the distemper shot, which includes several other vaccines in it, and also bordetella, which is kennel cough.”

Caller: “WHAT?! We don’t have that with us! You HAVE to take our dog!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but we’re required by law that every dog has to have current vaccinations. It protects not only your dog, but all the other dogs here as well. You could have your vet call us and confirm that your dog is protected. If you don’t have a vet, I can give you the number of several veterinary practices near you, and they can administer the needed shots today.”

Caller: “NO! You WILL take our dog! You don’t want to make my children cry!”

(I can then hear the woman talking to her family:)

Caller: “This mean woman just told me that she won’t let you go to Dollywood! She’s going to ruin our vacation!”

(I can then hear wailing (as if on cue) from several children.)

Caller: “Now look what you’ve done! You made my children cry! I hope that makes you happy! Now are you going to take our dog or are you going to ruin our vacation?!”

Me: I’m sorry, but without proof of vaccinations, I can’t take your dog.”

Caller: “Well f*** you! You ruined our vacation!” *hangs up*

Me: Well, all righty then!

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