Day 2 Of Training:

| Right | July 31, 2015

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Birth Out-Of-Control

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Right | July 30, 2015

(I am the patient in this story. I just received the birth control injection that goes in the arm.)

Me: “So, how soon does it take for this to take effect?”

Doctor: “Right now, you’re good to go!”

Me: “Challenge accepted!”

Doctor: “…”

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Take A Number!

| Right | July 30, 2015

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Bowl Me Over With Lies

| IL, USA | Right | July 30, 2015

(This is an upscale bowling alley that allows you to make lane reservations. This is probably only my second or third day working there.)

Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling [Bowling Alley]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Can I make a reservation?”

Me: “Yes, sir, but I’m afraid we only allow online reservations.”

Customer: “That’s stupid.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s just our policy.”

Customer: “Can’t you just make an exception since I already called you?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. We aren’t allowed to manually enter reservations into our computers. But you can go to our website and set one up there. Would you like me to help you with that?”

Customer: *says this in a completely serious tone* “Well, it just so happens that ALL of my fingers are broken! So now what?”

Me: *completely without thinking* “How are you going to bowl?!”

Customer: “Never mind.” *click*

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Getting Lawyered By Both Lawyers

| VA, USA | Right | July 30, 2015

Caller: “Hi, I’m the plaintiff in a lawsuit against [Our Client]. My lawyers want to charge me a lot of money, so I was wondering if you would be my lawyers instead.”

Me: “I’m… I’m sorry, are you asking us to represent you against our own client?”

Caller: “Yeah, because then you wouldn’t have to charge me any money, right? Since you’re already getting paid to do all the work by [Our Client]?”

Me: “Okay, first of all, that’s not how it works. At all. Second, we’d be sanctioned for ethics violations just for suggesting it.”

Caller: “What the f***?! My lawyer was right. You guys are a bunch of a**holes.” *click*

(Three minutes later, his lawyer calls.)

Lawyer: “Did you just offer to represent [Caller] for free?”

Me: “No, we turned him down because, as you apparently told him, we’re a bunch of a**-holes.”

Lawyer: “He said what?! Hang on.” *speaking to someone else with his hand covering the phone* “[Caller], I’m resigning as your counsel. Get the f*** out of my office.” *back to me* “I’ll be in touch about this later.” *click*

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