Half A Mind To Watch What You Say

| Veron, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Language & Words

(A father and son check out books and DVDs.)

Me: “That’s it. Books are due in two weeks and the DVDs are due in one. But you can return the books at the same time as the DVDs are due, if you have a mind to. Thank you.”

(A few minutes later, as they go in the children’s room:)

Son: “What did she mean by that, Daddy?”

Father: “Well, I think she’s from down South and it’s just a saying…”

(I’m watching what “down South” expressions I use now…)

But We Do Have Some Everlasting Gob-Stoppers

| Annapolis, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(It’s a snowy winter day on the East Coast. Customers are placing their items on the checkout counter to be rung up by me. I’m wearing jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, not a winter coat, no gloves or hat, and I’m three registers away from the open outside door.)

Customer: “Brrr! It’s so COLD! How can you STAND it in here? You must be FREEZING!”

Me: “No, I don’t mind it. We keep busy when we are at the register.”

Customer: *eyeing the previous customer’s frozen ice cream containers being bagged by a coworker* “How can anyone buy ice cream on a freezing day like this?”

Me: “Ah, well then, you should buy some Willy Wonka’s Hot Ice Cream! It’s perfect for those cold days.”

Coworker: *stops bagging items and stares at me with open mouth*

Customer: “Wow! Really? That sounds great! Is it too late to go back and get some?”

Me: “Sorry, we’re temporarily out of stock.”

Coworker: *turns away to laugh*

Customer: “Oh. Too bad.”

Me: *smiling at the customer’s ignorance of Roald Dahl’s book ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’* “Maybe next time. Have a good day!”

Trying To Pull A Shady Deal

| USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I work at company that sells stone to go on houses. All of the stone is outside, and our location is surrounded by trees.)

Customer: “All of this is the same rock?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Everything in this row is the same material.”

Customer: “Why is this side so much darker?! You said it was the same!”

Me: “…ma’am, that side is in the shade.”