A Sign That It Will Be OK

| ME, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

(I’ve just gotten off a really long, rough shift and decide to treat myself with some ice cream from a shop that’s just opened for the season. I order a small cone and hold out my debit card for the cashier to take while checking my phone.)

Cashier: “Oh. Um… I’m sorry, but we don’t accept cards.”

Me: *looking up* “Oh, really?”

(As I look up, I see just above the cashier’s head a 2x3ft neon pink sign with large, bold letters that say, “No cards accepted. Sorry for any inconvenience”. I glance around and see no less than three more large, bright signs all saying some variation of the pink one.)

Me: *laughing* “Oh, my god, I am so sorry. I’ve always sworn to myself I wouldn’t be one of THOSE customers, you know? Ah, golly, here, lemme run to my car and get some cash. I’m so sorry.”

(After I pay, the girl hands me a medium cone. I’m about to go back to the counter and tell her she gave me a larger size than I wanted when I see some writing on the napkin wrapped around the cone.)

Note On Napkin: “Thank you for not being one of THOSE customers! Here’s to summer. Hope to see you again!”

Allergic To Common Sense

| Norway | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Top

(I am the store manager of a fairly new store that sells accessories aimed at women and children. It is clear to most customers that we do not sell any high-quality jewelry, only mixed-metal ones. Its a fairly quiet day and I am fixing the music system that is located behind the register. I do not hear the customer come in, which I would come to regret. Sitting on my knees, I suddenly hear a voice.)

Customer: “Is it possible to get any help here, or are you just going to be sitting on your fat a**?”

Me: “I am so sorry, ma’am. I was trying to fix our music system and I didn`t hear you come in. What can I do for you today?”

(The customer does not look me in the eye during the whole conversation.)

Customer: “Yeah, right. Well, I have a problem with your store and I demand to see the manager. NOW.”

Me: “That would be me, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: *sighs* “Really? You? Okay. I bought a pair of earrings here and I’m allergic so I am going to get my money back.”

Me: “Okay, well it`s against store policy to take back earrings, due to health issues, but—”

Customer: “That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. In my 70 years on this planet I have never experienced any problems of this sort.”

Me: “Forgive me, ma’am, but I find that hard to believe as no other store in this city will take back earrings, unless there is a problem with them.”

Customer: “THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH THEM. I am allergic!”

Me: “There is nothing wrong with the earrings. They are the way they are supposed to be. They are made with mixed metals, which we make perfectly clear to all customers who ask about allergies. If you knew you were allergic you should have gone to the jewelry store and bought some gold or silver ones. That being said, if you’ll let me look at the receipt, I’ll see what I can do.”

Customer: “I don’t have a receipt. Why would I have that?”

Me: “Without a receipt there is nothing I can do. It’s the company policy. I am sorry.”

Customer: “That`s Illegal!”

Me: “It’s not illegal. According to the law, you are actually never entitled to any money back unless there is something clearly wrong with the product. Of course, most stores still offer exchanges of products that have not been used, against a valid receipt. But, seeing as you claim there is something wrong with the product, we should skip to that part.”

(The customer is staring at the ceiling with her arms crossed, but still listening, so I continue.)

Me: “If a product does not meet the qualifications that they are supposed to, you are entitled to your money back.”

Customer: “That is what I said.”

Me: “No. Because there is nothing wrong with the earrings. They are made with mixed-metals, just as they were meant to.”

Customer: “But I had an allergic reaction.”

Me: “Yes, exactly. There is something wrong with you, not the earrings. What we can do is: you give me the earrings and I will send them to the head office and they will get in touch with you, as I am not allowed to hand out money without a receipt, regardless of the situation.”

Customer: “I don’t have them.”

Me: “I’m sorry? You don’t have the earrings?”

Customer: “No? Why the h*** would I keep them?”

Me: “Okay, let me get this straight. You come in here without a receipt, or any other proof of payment and demand money for a product that you can`t show me?”

Customer: “Why is that a f****** problem?”

Me: “Do you honestly not understand that If I allowed that, anyone could come in and claim that they bought something and get money for it without any form of proof?”

Customer: “Do you think I am lying to you? I am offended!”

Me: *sigh* “I am going to call the head office and ask them what to do. I need your information, please.”

(The customer gives me her name, number, etc…)

Me: “And when did you buy the earrings, ma’am?”

Customer: “Sometime before Christmas.”

Me: “So you bought them six months ago and decided to wait until now to make a complaint?”

(The customer, still not looking me in the eye, or even in my direction, walks around the register and behind it and looks at the sign behind me.)

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “It’s a sign, ma’am. With our store name.”

Customer: “Yes, but what is this? This place?”

Me: “[Store].”

Customer: “YES! BUT WHAT IS IT CALLED?! I am going to tell your boss that you are a disgusting human being, a rat. And you will get fired!”

Me: “I doubt that, ma’am. They don’t fire people for being right. You have a fantastic day!”

(The customer ran out screaming. The head office told me I was right and just laughed at this woman.)

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Drive (Thru) The Price Up

| TX, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money

(For my drive-thru customers, I try to give them the price from memory. Also, some of our customers try to be funny by being outraged at our prices.)

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

Customer: “How much?!”

(As I’m getting his items, I notice that one of them costs slightly more than I remembered.)

Me: “It’s [correct, slightly higher price].”

Customer: “D***, I should have kept my mouth shut!”

Misread The Situation

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I work on the front end of a well-known pharmacy as a cashier. We have four registers at the front, and only one is active right now, #3. There are signs on the other registers directing the customer to #3, with a bell included on #3 that says ‘please ring for service.’ I’m stocking an aisle, when a woman walks up to register #1.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be right there to help you. Could you please go to register #3?”

Customer: “Sure, no problem.”

(I walk up behind the counter, logging onto register #3, while the woman has her items set out on register #4.)

Me: “Ma’am, could I help you at this register, please?”

Customer: “Oh, right. I guess it would help if I could read.”

Me: “Well, that’s not really my judgment to make.”

(The woman goes silent for the rest of the transaction. I ring her up, hand her her receipt, and ask if there’s anything else I can help her with.)

Customer: “No, but I certainly hope you’re nicer to your next customer!”

Wireless, Clueless And Hopeless, Part 15

| Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

(The ISP I work for recently made a drive about their new modem. It is marketed as being the easiest wireless system on the market. Unfortunately, the system isn’t that great and I have received 27 calls that day alone about malfunctioning modems.)

Me: “Hi, and welcome to [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I be of service?”

Caller: “The s*** you guys sold to me a while back isn’t working.”

Me: “That is very unfortunate, but thankfully I am here to help you. Name and address, please?

(She tells me her name and address and I check her history.)

Me: “It seems you have had our system for at least a month. Did it stop working just now?”

Caller: “That’s right. I’ve had it for a month, but I only started using it this morning and it doesn’t work at all.”

Me: “Then could you please tell me which lights are shining on the front of your modem?”

(The most common mistake is that the customer hasn’t switched on the wifi on the modem.)

Caller: “None, of course.”

Me: “Not even the power light at the top?”

Caller: “Should it?”

Me: “Yes. Please verify that the power cable is plugged into the modem.”

Caller: “What cable? Isn’t this supposed to be wireless?”

Me: *awkward silence* “Well…”

Caller: “What the f***? Are you telling me that your ads are straight-up lying to me?”

Me: “What is meant by wireless is that you don’t need to connect your computer to the modem. Can you please attach your modem to the wall socket by the cable provided?”

Caller: “Are you a f****** idiot? I threw away all cables! I mean, I thought you sent them by mistake!”

Me: *somewhat taken aback* “And it didn’t occur to you that electronics run on electricity?”

Caller: “I WANT A REFUND! YOU PEOPLE LIED TO ME!”

Me: “You are on a contract that will last for another three years and since more than two weeks has passed since it was bought, you can’t.”

Caller: “YOU F****** LYING PIECE OF GODD*** C***-S***!”

Me: “But since you obviously are quite upset I will transfer you to the cancellation department so you may sort it out with them. Have a nice day.”

(I transfer her call to our cancellation department. The last thing I hear is the queue voice going: ‘You are on place… one-hundred and… eighty… seven. Estimated waiting time is… two-hundred and… fifty… five minutes…’)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12

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