Knock Your Socks Off

| IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(I’m the cashier. The store has a rewards loyalty card. The transaction has been normal up to this point.)

Me: “Do you have a [Store] rewards card?”

Customer #1: “No, I do not! I was fired from this store because I wore the wrong colored socks! So I refuse to get a rewards card.”

(The customer suddenly throws her credit card at me. I’m speechless so I just finish the transaction in stunned silence.)

Me: “Have a good day.”

(Customer #1 huffs out of the store. The customer behind her comes up to the register with a dumbfounded look on his face.)

Customer #2: “I have a feeling wearing the wrong socks wasn’t the reason she was fired.”

Trying To Run A Monkey Business

| IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging, Money, Pets & Animals

(I work at a hotel in a college town. It is quite common to require a two-night minimum purchase when booking a room for a special event weekend such as a football game, graduation, etc.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I was wondering if you had any rooms available for this coming Friday.”

Me: “We do have a few rooms available; however it is a two-night minimum for both Friday and Saturday night.”

Caller: “Okay, I have to ask you the same as the last hotel I called. What kind of dope-smoking monkey are you?”

Me: “… Excuse me?”

Caller: “What kind of dope-smoking monkey are you? Why would you even think that I would want a room for two nights if the football game is only one day?!”

Me: “We require a two night minimum stay for all special event weekends, ma’am. It’s quite a common policy here.”

Caller: “I don’t care what your policy says. It’s just stupid! You’re just insane!”

Me: “… Okay.”

Caller: “If your two night minimum is so common, then why did the 12 other hotels that I called that were sold-out not say anything about a two night minimum, then. Huh?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, if they are sold out that means they don’t have any more rooms to sell you at their property, so the two night minimum wouldn’t really matter for them because they don’t have anything.”

Caller: “See! You said it doesn’t matter.”

Me: “Our minimum is still in effect for the few remaining rooms we have.”

Caller: “You’re just a brainless monkey!”

Me: “Anything else?”

Caller: “No. Goodbye!” *click*

Me: “And here I thought I was just a desk monkey.”

Not A Sound Argument

| Exeter, England, UK | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I’m working on retail in the cinema. It’s quiet because all the films have started. A lady comes down from a screen.)

Me: “Hello. Can I help?”

Customer: “Yes. My daughter and I are watching a film in screen one, and the sound is AWFUL! You can hardly hear anything. It’s terrible! Can’t you get it fixed? I’ve had my hearing tested by professionals and I’ve got the hearing of a 14-year-old, so I know I’m not just imagining it. Get it fixed. It’s ruining our film. My daughter’s been looking forward to seeing it for ages, and it’s ruined!”

(When she finally leaves, I radio the technician to check it out. Afterwards, he comes to the counter.)

Technician: “You know the problem in screen one?”

Me: “Yeah, what exactly was the problem?”

Technician: “Nothing. There’s nothing wrong with it. I didn’t do anything to fix it, because it’s fine. She must be nuts.”

(After the film, the customer approaches me at the counter again.)

Customer: “Thank you SO much for getting that problem checked out. It was SO much better afterwards!”

Going Barking Mad

| Surrey, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

(I am working the customer service counter at a local grocery store.)

Customer: *puts a bag of dog food on the counter* “I’d like to return this.”

Me: “Certainly. Was there anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “No. I’m pregnant, and I’m losing my mind. I have a cat.”


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A Cash Flow Returns To The Source

| Lenoir City, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Money

(I’m working the customer service desk and have a problem with a customer who keeps calling, in spite of being told the answer to his question several times. Frustrated, when he calls again I ask my coworker to answer. She puts him on speaker.)

Coworker: “Customer service. How may I help you?”

Caller: *slurring his words* “I need to return my fridge!”

Coworker: “Okay.”

Caller: “Yeah, and I paid $400 for it, and I found a used one for $200. I want my money back!”

Coworker: “Okay. Do you have your receipt?”

Caller: “No, but I have my credit card.”

Coworker: “Okay. We can put it back on that.”

Caller: “No! I want that in cash!”

Coworker: “Sir, that’s impossible. You paid for it with a credit card, so you get the money back on your credit card.”

Caller: “But I paid it off with CASH!”

Coworker: “Even so. The money has to go back on the card.”

Caller: “Well, f*** it, b****!”

Coworker: “I’d rather not. I don’t think you’re my type.”

(The caller swears again and hangs up.)

Coworker: *to me* “See? With idiots, you have to be clever. It confuses them.”

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