Free KiWiFi

| Australia | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(As we fill the bunks in the fresh produce department off loaded trolleys, we often get customers asking if they can take items directly off the trolley instead of the display. Of course, we tell them yes.)

Me: *cheerfully filling kiwi fruit*

Customer: *takes one off the trolley* “Can I take this?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: *kiwi fruit in hand, strolls out of the store*

Me: *stunned*

(Now I always remember to say ‘only if you pay for it.’ Thanks, random customer, for making me sound like a b**** to all the paying customers.)

The American Way Is Closed

| Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Politics

(It’s store policy to have employees in the store 30 minutes before opening and 45 – 60 minutes after close to prep, clean, etc. We closed about 10 minutes ago and I am mopping the eating area. A customer bangs on the door. We’re required to interact with customers, even after close, so I go and crack the door open.)

Customer: “What the h***? I need a coffee. Let me in.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We closed 10 minutes ago. All of our coffee has been dumped and the machines are going through a cleaning cycle.”

Customer: “What? What are you doing here then?”

Me: “We have to clean the store and set up for tomorrow morning after close every night.”

Customer: “Seriously? They make you stay after close?”

Me: “Well, yes. We can’t clean the equipment while serving customers.”

Customer: “That’s monstrous! That’s slave labor!! I’m writing corporate about this!”

Me: “Sir, they still pay us… it’s standard procedure.”

Customer: “It’s horrible! I’m so sorry! This isn’t the American way!”

(He leaves, then, still mumbling about the ‘atrocity’ of our situation.)

Unhappy Customers Can Sour The Milk

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(A customer walks up to my cash register with a big carton of goat’s milk. He slams it down on my conveyor belt, looking angry and puffy.)

Customer: “Do you know the person that milked these goats?”

Me: *completely stunned* “Uh… no. I’m sorry, I don’t know who milked them. But I’m sure if you call the company that produces the milk and give them the batch number, they could put you in touch with the farmer, and HE OR SHE might know the person who operated the machine that milked the goats for that particular batch.”

Customer: “Machine?! The goats are milked with machines?!”

Me: “Probably… that IS how they do it most of the time. But I don’t know for sure. Like I said, if you contact the company they’ll be able to give you more information.”

Customer: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS. IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A STORE TO KNOW WHO HANDLES THE FOOD YOU SELL!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s really nothing more I can do to help you, aside from suggesting you call the company. If I may, why do you want to know who milks the goats?”

Customer: “BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW IF THEY’RE KEEPING THE GOATS HAPPY. IF A GOAT IS UNHAPPY WHILE IT’S BEING MILKED, THEN THE MILK WILL BE SOUR. IT’S TRUE! I SAW IT ON A TV PROGRAM!”

(He then paid for his milk and left with it anyway, while I tried very hard not to burst out laughing.)

A Minor Mistake, Part 3

| UK | Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(Having asked for ID for two members of a family’s table and them not having any, the two young people buy cokes. However, not long afterwards I see them drinking cocktails purchased by the father.)

Me: “Excuse me, guys, but as I said at the bar I’m afraid I can’t let you two drink alcohol since you don’t have your ID with you.”

Father: “Yeah, but I bought them. So, it’s fine.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t let anyone without ID drink alcohol. I need you to return those drinks or I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

Father: “You let them drink their drinks or I’m calling the police. You’ll get fired and you’ll end up arrested.”

Me: “You want to phone the police, to arrest me, because you supplied alcohol to a child?”

Father: “… We’ll leave.”

Related:
A Minor Mistake, Part 2
A Minor Mistake

Concept Of Unlimited Is Limited

| Seattle, WA, USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

(A couple come into the Italian restaurant where I work. I seat them and hand them menus. After a moment, the man waves me over.)

Me: “Hi there. How can I help you today?”

Husband: “I don’t see unlimited salad or breadsticks on your menu.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. That’s a different restaurant. If you order the garlic bread, though, it comes with a lot of pieces! And our salads are very large.”

Husband: *to his wife* “I thought you said this place was just like Olive Garden.”

Wife: “I said it was Italian food like Olive Garden, sweetie. The menu’s not the same.”

Husband: *looking disappointed* “What’s chicken scallop pine?”

(I explain a few menu items, all of which he pronounces wrong, and they order. The woman kept giving me apologetic looks the whole time. Later, when I brought their food, the man was in the bathroom.)

Wife: “Sorry for the problems earlier. He’s not that bright, but he’s so good at other things, if you know what I mean.”

(I told her it was no problem, but I’m sure I was as red as our marinara sauce. It was really awkward serving them the rest of the meal, but she left a $20 tip.)

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