An Oily Customer

| MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I was a cashier in the service department of a car dealership… nice cars, too. A customer’s oil change and miscellaneous service bill was almost $100.)

Me: “Good evening, sir. Your total is $***.”

Customer: “What’s included in this bill? It’s too much!”

Me: “Sir, you signed the estimate prior to the service being done. Your signature is right here. The service advisor also went over this bill with you afterwards and explained everything that was done. I’m just the cashier. If you have anymore questions I can happily call the advisor to help you.”

Customer: “Well, why do I have to pay these extra fees? What’s waste disposal? I don’t want to pay for that!”

Me: “We are required to properly dispose of the oil waste from your service. You agreed to that charge prior to the service as well, sir. The total is still $***.”

Customer: “Can’t I just have my oil back and I’ll throw it away myself?”

Me: “Uh, no… No, you can’t.”

Half A Mind To Watch What You Say

| Veron, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Language & Words

(A father and son check out books and DVDs.)

Me: “That’s it. Books are due in two weeks and the DVDs are due in one. But you can return the books at the same time as the DVDs are due, if you have a mind to. Thank you.”

(A few minutes later, as they go in the children’s room:)

Son: “What did she mean by that, Daddy?”

Father: “Well, I think she’s from down South and it’s just a saying…”

(I’m watching what “down South” expressions I use now…)

But We Do Have Some Everlasting Gob-Stoppers

| Annapolis, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(It’s a snowy winter day on the East Coast. Customers are placing their items on the checkout counter to be rung up by me. I’m wearing jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, not a winter coat, no gloves or hat, and I’m three registers away from the open outside door.)

Customer: “Brrr! It’s so COLD! How can you STAND it in here? You must be FREEZING!”

Me: “No, I don’t mind it. We keep busy when we are at the register.”

Customer: *eyeing the previous customer’s frozen ice cream containers being bagged by a coworker* “How can anyone buy ice cream on a freezing day like this?”

Me: “Ah, well then, you should buy some Willy Wonka’s Hot Ice Cream! It’s perfect for those cold days.”

Coworker: *stops bagging items and stares at me with open mouth*

Customer: “Wow! Really? That sounds great! Is it too late to go back and get some?”

Me: “Sorry, we’re temporarily out of stock.”

Coworker: *turns away to laugh*

Customer: “Oh. Too bad.”

Me: *smiling at the customer’s ignorance of Roald Dahl’s book ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’* “Maybe next time. Have a good day!”