Losing Their Financial Puppy Fat

| ME, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(It should be noted that I’m a bleeding heart and I cry easily. It’s a really slow night, so I get pretty excited when I see a dad and his daughter, who looks to be about seven, approaching my line. The dad leans in close to me to whisper.)

Dad: “She’s been saving her money up for a while to buy this stuff. Can you split the payment to do her $8.00 in cash and the rest on my card?”

Me: “Of course I can! I have to do the cash first, though.”

Dad: “Perfect. I also have some things to buy in a separate transaction.”

(The girl starts emptying a small purse of money: a few dollar bills but mostly coins. I’m thinking the girl was saving for some toys and art supplies from our kids’ section but after she’s done emptying her purse, she places on the counter pet supplies: a collar, a leash, our most expensive dog bone, and shampoo.)

Girl: “I love my puppy, so I’m buying him some presents!”

Me: “Wow! Gosh, that’s really sweet of you! It must have taken a lot of hard work and dedication to save up this much!”

Girl: *nodding* “I didn’t buy any candy or anything.”

(Her father winks at me and nods toward the big stack of junk food he’s placed on the other end of the counter. I grin and start ringing the girl’s order up while she counts. She gets to $8, mostly in pennies, and scoops it all up to hand to me.)

Girl: “Here, miss. I’d like to pay, please.”

Me: “I think I can help with that! So that’s $8.”

(Her dad pays for the rest of the order on his card and then I start ringing up the snacks.)

Dad: “Thank you for being so patient.”

Me: “Please, sir, it’s no trouble at all. It’s a really slow night, and I have a dog myself. She could have taken all the time in the world, if she’d wanted to!”

(The girl giggles and hugs her bag close to her. Father and daughter both thank me, and after they leave my manager approaches me.)

Manager: “Want to go take five to cry in the bathroom?”

Me: *tearing up as she speaks* “Yeah, I’d really appreciate that. Thank you.”

Empty Threats Over Full Coffee

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I’m currently a greeter, but whenever there’s a line for a movie I go help take tickets. We’re near the end of the line when I see a woman with a large coffee cup that’s not from our cafe.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t allow outside food or drink.”

Customer: “But you don’t serve coffee here.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, we have a cafe just on the other side of the concessions.”

Customer: “Well, their coffee’s crap.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you bring that into the theater.”

(The customer SPIKES her full coffee cup into the nearby garbage can.)

Customer: “I’m never buying any food from you again!”

(She storms into the theater. My coworker, who finished the line while I was dealing with the customer, looks at me.)

Coworker: “What kind of threat was that? She’s not buying anything from us NOW!”

Get A Sign Pointing To The Sign

| London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(When the ticket office is closed customers can buy tickets at the popcorn counter.)

Customer: “Where can I buy tickets?”

Me: “At the popcorn counter.”

Customer: “Well… you should have a sign saying so!”

Me: *pointing at a six-foot tall sign* “Do you mean like that one?”

Customer: “Yes. You should get a sign like that!”

This Customer Did A One-Eighty

| USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

(I’m new, and I have just finished helping a guest with directions to his room. He disappears into the elevator, and after a few minutes, returns.)

Guest: “That elevator is BROKEN!”

Me: “Huh? What do you mean, sir?”

Guest: “I mean, I went in there, pressed the button for my floor, and the elevator went to my floor but the DOORS didn’t OPEN!”

Me: “Did you turn around?”

Guest: “Turn around?!”

Me: “Yes. The doors open behind you.”

(The guest stares at me, and then disappears back into the elevator. He doesn’t return.)

Coworker: “Wow. In the five years I’ve been working here, that is the first time that has happened…”

First Day Back And Already Pooped

| USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(A customer runs in.)

Customer: *breathlessly* “Where’s your bathroom?”

Me: “Down the hall to the right.”

Customer: *runs off*

(I see him a few minutes later, walking back.)

Customer: “Thanks… Uh, could you tell the person who cleans the bathrooms that I’m sorry?”

Me: *confused* “That you’re sorry?”

Customer: “Yes I tried to hold it in but… I didn’t make it in time.” *leaves*

(I go to the men’s bathroom and take a peek. Feces are everywhere, on the walls, on the floor, on the mirror. It looks like an explosion. I close the door. Sometime later the bathroom cleaner walks in.)

Bathroom Cleaner: “Hey, [My Name]. Good afternoon.”

Me: “Hey. Oh, before you go—”

(Too late, she’s already opened the door to the men’s.)

Bathroom Cleaner: “WHAT THE H*** HAPPENED HERE?”

Me: “Er, well…” *explains*

Bathroom Cleaner: “Geez! I just got back from vacation, to feces on the wall!”

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