Common Sense Is In The Bag

| Selangor, Malaysia | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(An in-house guest walks back into the hotel lobby.)

Guest: “I demand to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. I’ll call the manager now.”

(The manager comes down to the lobby.)

Manager: “Yes? How can I assist you, ma’am?”

Guest: “I would like to claim MYR5000 from the hotel for the loss of my bag!”

Manager: “I am sorry, but when did this happen and where was the last place you kept the bag?”

Guest: “No. I just bought the bag from the mall and it was snatched by a motorist on my way back. It cost me MYR5000 for the bag. Now it is stolen so the hotel must pay me back!”

Manager: “I am sorry, ma’am. Would you like to lodge a police report?”

Guest: “No. Just pay me my money back.”

Manager: “I am sorry again, ma’am. But the loss of the bag is not the responsibility of the hotel as it happened outside the hotel premises. However, we can send you to the nearest hospital for a check-up if you need it, or the police station to file a report. We are sorry for the loss, but we cannot pay you for something that is not taken by the hotel or our staff.”

Guest: “But I am your guest and I lost a bag. How is that not your responsibility? I am never coming back and I will tell all my friends and family about your poor attitude!”

Not As Easy As ABC, 123

| Crystal Lake, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

Patient: “I’m picking up some meds. My name is [Name].”

Me: “I have three prescriptions here for you today. Is that correct?”

Patient: “I think so. Can you show them to me?”

Me: “Sure”

(I pull out three bottles from the bag and show all three to the patient.)

Patient: “Okay, where’s the third one?”

Me: “I just showed you all three. What are you talking about?”

(I hold each one up and count as I go along. I get to three and he still looks confused.)

Patient: “I thought you said I had three… I don’t see the third one!”

Me: “I just showed you three bottles! What are you talking about?! Do you know how to count?!”

Patient: “Oh… okay. I’ll take your word for it but I still don’t think there’s three here”

Need To Wake Up Then Make Up

| NM, USA | Awesome Customers, Hotels & Lodging

(I’m a 20-year-old female working the graveyard shift at the hotel. Two rather intoxicated men come in around 1 am. They are about 50 and 60 years old and they are around the little gift shop that we have near the front desk.)

Older Gentleman: “Man, I don’t know what I want, but I’m hungry.”

Me: “Not a problem.”

(I show him the frozen meals and such that we have.)

Older Gentleman: “Thanks. Can I get a wake up call at 6:30 in the morning?”

Me: “Sure…”

Younger Gentleman: “That’s bulls***. We have to be out of here by six in the morning.”

Older Gentleman: “You can leave at six. I ain’t getting up till 6:30.”

(The younger gentleman walks into the store, grabs a box of tampons, and hands it to the older gentleman.)

Younger Gentleman: “Here. Take two of these now and if you are still acting like a little b**** in the morning call me.”

Older Gentleman: *laughs and throws the tampons back at him*

Younger Gentleman: *to me* “Set this drunkard’s wake up call for 5:45, 6:00, and 6:15.”

Older Gentleman: *to me* “Yeah, whatever the little b**** boss says is fine. He’s my ride to the site.”

(They are both laughing as they walk away to their rooms after purchasing some food and drinks. The whole time I was trying not to laugh as I was dealing with them. Later, just before I go home, they both come down to talk to me.)

Older Gentleman: “I’m sorry about last night.  I’m hung over but wanted to apologize for possibly offending you.”

Me: “That’s okay. I thought it was funny. Made my night to see you two acting like that.”

(I hadn’t laughed that hard at work in a long time so I took pity on them both and gave them some painkillers for their hangovers before they had to go to work.)

Not Even Remotely Close, Part 3

| Columbus, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a large cable company, and we leave our personal number after an install so customers can call us with questions. I get a call from a customer while on a lunch break.)

Me: “Hello. This is [Name] with [Company].”

Customer: “Yes! You installed my cable a few weeks ago, and something is going on! Your box is broken, and it broke my TV!”

Me: “Okay… So, what exactly is happening?”

Customer: “I push the power button on the remote, and nothing turns on!”

(This is a common problem that’s easily fixed by simply pushing a different button on the remote.)

Me: “Oh! All you have to do is push [cable] button and then hit your power button, and it should turn back on. You might have dropped your remote and un-programmed it. It’s an easy fix!”

Customer: “I tried that. It’s not working!”

(I am thinking I’ll have to drive out and help this customer push a different button on the remote, when suddenly, it hits me.)

Me: “Ma’am… when you hit the buttons on your remote, do they light up at all?”

Customer: “No! They don’t do anything! I push and push and nothing happens!”

Me: “Ma’am, your remote just needs new batteries.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that? Don’t you just mail me a new one?”

Me: “Sorry, no. Enjoy your day, and thanks for choosing [Company].”

(Later, I found out she called my manager, and he had some poor soul run her out a new remote.)

Related:
Not Even Remotely Close, Part 2
Not Even Remotely Close

In Too Deep (Voice)

, | Canada | At The Checkout, Health & Body

(I’m a fairly feminine looking guy and my voice is relatively high. Sometimes I get mistaken for a girl. I’m checking a lady out at the register.)

Customer: “You have beautiful eyes. Has anyone ever told you that?”

Me: “Thank you! That’s very kind of you!”

Customer: “I see you here all the time and you’re so friendly and fun to talk to. I’d love to speak with your manager about your excellent service!”

Me: “Wow! Thank you so much! Unfortunately my manager isn’t in today, though. I think she’ll be in tomorrow.”

Customer: “All right, then. I’ll give the store a call tomorrow to speak with her. What’s your name, Miss?”

Me: “Sam.”

Customer: “Your full name?”

Me: “… Samuel.”

Customer: “… Oh.”

Me: *quietly, trying to make my voice a little deeper* “Would you like your receipt?”

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