Look Before You Dive

| Australia | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(At the dive shop I work at, we do all sorts of courses, but mostly learn-to-dive courses called ‘open water course.’ Just before closing, a customer walks in.)

Customer: “Hi, I did this course with you… um… learning… an open course?”

Me: “Oh, you mean the beginners course?”

Customer: “I don’t know/ It was the… the… open course or something like that.”

Me: “Was it the ‘learn to dive’ course? The first dive course you have done?”

Customer: “No! Maybe… I’m not sure.”

Me: “Yeah, if it was the beginner’s course, then it is called the ‘open water course.'”

Customer: “That’s the one! So, I did that with you guys. You gave me a DVD and said when I bring it back you give me $50.”

(I had never heard of such a thing, but I haven’t been working there for more than a couple of months so I ask my coworker about it.)

Coworker: “Nah, mate, we don’t give out DVDs. It’s all online. Maybe you did the course with someone else?”

Customer: “No, I did it here! You said you give me $50! I have the DVD. You know, it is a CD but with videos on it!”

Coworker: “I know what a DVD is, but we still don’t do that trade-in you are talking about.”

Manager: *poking head around corner* “When did you do your course?”

Customer: “About… three, four years ago?”

Manager: “Hm. So, about five years ago we gave out DVDs for customers to watch before their course rather than watching the videos here. They had to pay $40 deposit which they got back when they returned the DVD.”

Customer: “Yes, that was it! I found the DVD now. Can I give it back and you give me $50?”

Manager: “No. First of all you would’ve only paid $40 deposit, and we haven’t use the DVDs for at least four years.”

Customer: “But… I found it again! Can I bring it in and I get money back?”

Manager: “No! They are useless to us now and you are about five years late in returning it!”

(The customer just turns and walks out the store.)

Breaking Bread With An Awesome Kid

| NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work at a supermarket in New York City. I generally work in the bread department, making sure the shelves are stocked and the bread gets rotated. A four-year-old girl and her mother enter the section to look at the bread while I’m kneeling on the floor, rotating bread on a bottom shelf.)

Little Girl: *from behind me* “Hello!”

(I turn around to see her.)

Me: “Hi!”

Little Girl: “Whatcha doing?”

(I’m not sure how to explain my job to a four-year-old in a way she’ll understand.)

Me: “I’m, uh, counting the bread.”

(The little girl looks around the section with eyes wide.)

Little Girl: “How much bread is there?”

Me: “12.”

(Her eyes go as big as saucers and she claps her hands to her cheeks in over-exaggerated surprise.)

Little Girl: “That’s a LOT of bread! Mommy, did you hear that? There’s a LOT of bread!”

(She and her mother stuck around a little longer while she told me all about what her favorite bread is and how she liked that it was warm out today, because she thought it was never going to be warm outside ever again. It made my day.)

The Rains Of Custamere

| Bern, Switzerland | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(I am discussing with a coworker the Red Wedding episode of ‘Game Of Thrones.’ We go all detailed and compare every action with the books. Suddenly, we hear a sobbing noise behind us. Turning around, we see that a young customer is standing behind us. She’s close to tears.)

Customer: “Godd*** spoilers!”

(The customer runs out of the store.)

Coworker: “Well, you ruined her life. That’s the curse of being a bookstore employee.”

18 And Blunder, Part 3

| Columbus, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

(I work in a satellite call center and help customers with billing as well as tech support. A customer calls in upset about her last bill.)

Customer: “My bill is only supposed to be $67.99 a month and this month it was over $700!! I had to come home early to have time to call you about this. What are you people trying to pull on me!?”

Me: “I will me more than happy to look at this for you as I can definitely see why this would make you upset.

(I can immediately see the issue: two to three adult pay-per-view movies at $17.99 each have been ordered several times a day for the last two weeks.)

Me: Looking at the bill, I think I see exactly where the problem is. Do you or your husband watch any um… mature themed movies?”

Customer: “What!? I don’t watch that smut and besides, it’s just my son and I who live here! I don’t like what you’re insinuating! I demand you remove these charges!!”

Me: *catching on almost immediately as I have two older sons myself* “Ahh, I think I might see the problem ma’am. Let me ask you this if I may… How old is your son?”

Customer: “Not that it’s any of your business, but he’s 13.”

Me: “Uh huh. And if I might ask, what time does he get out of school?”

Customer: “He gets out of school at about two, and then gets rights to studying in his room. He’s going to go to college when he’s older. He’s absolutely brilliant. He studies all day long in there.”

Me: “Right. Well, the reason I ask is because I can see the time these movies are ordered AND the receiver that they are ordered on. Ma’am, it looks like ALL of them are ordered on the receiver in one of the bedrooms, and ALL between the times of around 2:15 pm and about 4:30 pm. About what time do you normally get home from work, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Customer: *getting livid about now* “Now look here, missy! I don’t like the idea that you think my son is watching that smut on TV and I most certainly don’t like the idea that you think that I would tolerate that in a Christian house like mine. I demand that you both remove this… this… filth from my bill and apologize to me for even thinking that my boy would even know what some of this… this… stuff even is!!”

(As she’s ranting on about her beautiful, pure, Christian son I see yet another expensive adult PPV being ordered so I interrupt her tirade.)

Me: “Ma’am! I don’t want to be rude, but is your son home right now?”

Customer: “Yes, he is!”

Me: “Good! Because, I see another of these movies is being ordered right now. So do this: just go in and tell me what you see, and if it’s not porn, I’ll be more than happy to remove every one of these charges.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll show you that my son is a good boy and—” *I hear a door open*

Son: “MOM!” *call drops*

(I laugh my a** off for five minutes. And no, I didn’t credit even one PPV charge.)

Related:
18 And Blunder, Part 2
18 And Blunder

There Is No Calm Before The Storm

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(It is currently late at night, with a winter storm expected to come the following morning. I am running customer service when the phone rings and I answer it.)

Me: “Hello, [Store] [Location] customer service desk. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d just like to let you know that tomorrow morning is going to horrible and that all of the young people won’t be coming in. However, all of the elderly people that work will be, because they are the ones who really need the money. Bye!”

Me: “Uh…”

Caller: *click*

(I put the phone back on the receiver and relay the comment to a manager.)

Manager: “Oh my God, it’s not even tomorrow yet and they are ALREADY complaining!”

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