Closed To Reality

| Paris, France | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid

(We are closed for inventory, and signs are informing the customers of that fact. Despite this, many people have tried to enter the store. Most of them just leave when they realise the door is locked.)

Manager: *to me* “Okay, we’re going to take the shipment for this week. I need you to stand in the doors and tell customers we’re closed.”

(I oblige. As the truck is unloading and some other of the employees are putting the food away in the freezer, a customer approaches. Note that I am wearing the store’s uniform, with a bright apron.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am! I’m sorry but—”

(Without listening, she tries to get around me. I move in front of her to prevent her from getting in, and keep trying to explain the situation to her. Frustrated, she pushes me to the side and I hit the wall. She then rushes inside. The manager sees her and runs after her, trying to stop her.)

Manager: “Ma’am! Ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: *looking around* “Closed? There are employees everywhere and the doors are open!”

Manager: “We’re doing the inventory of the store, which is why the employees are here. However we’re not allowed to sell food as it would mess up our numbers.”

Customer: “Well, you should keep the doors shut, then!”

Manager: “You didn’t let me finish. We’re still taking our usual shipment of food as we’re opening this afternoon. However to prevent customers from getting in, and despite the fact that we already have signs posted everywhere, I asked my employee to stand at the door and warn the customers. Instead, you refused to listen to her and pushed her out of your way.”

Customer: “Well… I didn’t realise you were closed! You really shouldn’t keep the doors open when you’re closed!” *storms off*

Manager: *shaking his head* “How does she expect us to get the food in? Through the window?”

Serving Justice One Slice At A Time

| Victorville, CA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink

(I take gunsmithing classes. I also deliver pizza as a job and volunteer as a Police Explorer. One night a customer who lives in the projects sees me in uniform.)

Customer: “You deliver pizza!”

Me: “Yes, I do.”

Customer: “Well, you never saw any of that stuff at my place!”

Me: “What stuff?”

Customer: “Exactly! You never saw it!”

(Too bad I never remembered his address. Might have been able to get a warrant to find out what stuff he didn’t have there.)

Hot Coffee Is Cold Comfort

| IL, USA | Crazy Requests

(It is the coldest day our area has had in decades, with wind chills reaching -50. Regardless, our theater is still relatively busy.)

Customer: *while walking the opposite direction from me down a hallway* “You should give us free popcorn or something because we came out here in this cold!”

Me: “Sir, unlike me, you came here willingly. I’d rather be home, but I’m working because you’re here.”

Coworker: “You should have told him that they should be bringing us free coffee for having to deal with them!”

Seeing Eye Dog

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(I am serving on the counter of a small pharmacy on a busy Saturday. A middle aged lady approaches my desk.)

Customer: “Hi. Can I get something for infected eyes, please?”

Me: “Of course. When did the problems with your eyes begin?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s not for me. It’s for my dog. His eyes looked really sore this morning!”

Me: *slightly alarmed* “We don’t sell medicines for pets here, unfortunately. You would have to go a vet to get something for your dog.”

Customer: “No, it’s fine. I give him human medicines all the time!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you anything for your dog. I’m not allowed to do that, and what’s more, I wouldn’t want to cause him any harm.”

Customer: “But… his eyes are the same size as human eyes!”

Putting The Scent Into Ascents

, | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(The x-ray operator sends me to search for an oversized liquid in a passenger’s carry on. She does the search required and finds an unopened bottle of 185 ml perfume.)

Coworker: “Unfortunately, ma’am, this liquid is over the size limit and cannot go past this point.”

Passenger: “That is not a liquid.”

Coworker: “What is it, then?”

Passenger: “It’s a scent.”

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