Butter(beer) Them Up

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

(I run the anime club at my school, and we have had to relocate to the coffee shop a couple blocks away.)

Barista: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Friend: “Hi! I would like to order one large mocha!”

Barista: “Under what name?”

Friend: “Hmmm… how about Hermione?”

Barista: “Okay!”

(15 minutes later…)

Barista: “Hermione Granger! Ten points to Gryffindor!”

Friend: *speechless, then breaks out laughing* “That was the best thing ever!”

Barista: “I drew a little surprise on the back of the cup!”

(It was a drawing of Hermione’s cat!)

Like Getting Blood From A Stone

| Miami, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(My friend and I are walking into a store with a blood drive van parked up front.)

Recruiter: “Hi! Would you like to donate blood? It could save a life!”

Friend: “Sorry. I don’t believe in helping others.”

Cut Cut-Throat

| Fresno, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I am processing a layaway for a customer. She is a bit rude with me but I proceed with a smile. The customer has multiple items in her cart.)

Me: “Hi. Were you thinking of putting in a layaway today, or were you going to place a final payment on a previous layaway?”

Customer #1: *rudely* “I have about 20 items in my cart. Does it look like I am going to make a final payment?”

Me: “Oh, I apologize. I was not sure if you were finished shopping.”

Customer #1: “Well, I am.”

Me: “Okay. Have you done a layaway with us before?”

Customer #1: “Yes, I sure have.”

Me: “May I have your number please?”

Customer #1: *tells her number*

(While she is telling her number, another customer comes up to the side.)

Customer #2: “Hey, are my items still here?”

Me: “Sure are. Just let me know when you are ready and I will come help you out.”

Customer #1: “Excuse me, but I will have my layaway processed first. You do not have to be rude and cut in front of me like I am invisible!”

Customer #2: “Oh, no. I am sorry. I was making sure my stuff was still there.”

Customer #1: “Well, move!”

(Customer #2 walks away in shock.)

Customer #1: “Geez! Some people think they can just cut!”

Me: “I am sorry, but that was my mother.”

Sadly It Isn’t Illegal To Be An Idiot

| KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work at a small, locally owned electronics store. 95 percent of my job is putting customer’s old home movies on DVD, but since we’re located downtown, I get a good deal of work from law firms as well. One day, a known customer comes in. He’s always slightly annoying to deal with, but he’s friends with the owner.)

Me: “What can I do for you today, Mr. [Customer]?”

Customer: “My lawyer gave me these videos but they won’t work in my DVD player.”

Me: “Okay. Let me take a look at them real fast.”

(I put the disc in my computer and notice it’s in an obscure format that needs a specific software that’s used exclusively in the legal system.)

Me: “I see the issue. These won’t work in any DVD player. You need a specific computer software to view these.”

Customer: “I don’t own a computer.”

Me: “Well, that’s fine. I can easily convert these into a format your DVD player can read.”

Customer: “Great. Can I get six copies of it?”

Me: “Sure thing. I should have it ready for you tomorrow morning.”

(I take the discs, make a DVD out of the video and the make the requested copies. The next day, the customer picks up his order along with the original discs his lawyer gave him. About a week later he returns.)

Customer: “These discs don’t work.” *hands me the originals*

Me: “These are the discs your lawyer gave you.”

Customer: “Yeah, they won’t work in my DVD player.”

Me: “Right. Remember I told you need a computer to view these discs?”

Customer: “But I don’t have a computer! All the other discs you gave me work fine. Why won’t these work?”

Me: “Sir, I can’t change the information on these discs. Once the disc is written, it can’t be altered. That’s why I gave you new discs that can be played on a DVD player.”

Customer: “Well, these are no use to me. I need something that works on my player.”

Me: “I can do it again if you want. But since there was nothing wrong with the other discs, I’ll have to charge you again.”

Customer: “That’s fine. I need three copies this time.”

Me: “Sure.”

(Once again I complete his order and have it ready for him next day. This time, to avoid confusion, I put a post-it on the originals that says ‘Must Have Computer.’ Another week passes, and he returns again.)

Customer: “These still won’t work in my player.”

(He hands me the discs. Right on top is my post-it note.)
Me: “Sir, we’ve already been through this! You must have a computer to use these discs!”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “These discs are in a different format. Your player won’t recognize these. That’s why we made the other discs. Twice now.”

Customer: “Yeah, those all worked fine.”

Me: “So why don’t you just use one of those?”

Customer: “I gave them all away. But I need these videos for a lawsuit I’m in.”

Me: “So you want me to do this a third time?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(This time, I don’t wait. I have the customer sit next to me as I go through the whole process step by step. Once the disc is finished burning, I put it into one of our DVD players to show him it does work. I once again hand him his new disc and the original, and once again charge him. Another week passes. I’m coming back in from my lunch break when my boss approaches me.)

Boss: “Mr. [Customer] dropped by while you were out. He said there was a problem with these discs.”

(He hands me the discs. My post-it note still sits on top. This time I don’t say a word. I simply take the discs, sit them on a shelf in my office, and there they sit to this day. The customer never asked about them again.)

Some Background Is Required

| SK, Canada | Family & Kids, Technology

(I provide in-home servicing of computers. My client has reported that his computer doesn’t turn on. Once on site, I do a quick check to make sure it’s plugged in and the power bar is working.)

Me: “Okay, I’m thinking it’s the power supply. If it is, the parts and labour is [cost] plus tax. If not, I’ll have to dig a little deeper to see what the problem is.”

Client: “No problem. Do what you have to do.”

(I open the computer’s case and see that the wires from the power supply to the motherboard have been cut, likely with scissors or a knife. My client sees it right away as well.)

Me: “Well, this is new one for me. Any idea what happened here?”

Client: *clearly angry, but certainly not at me* “No. Will a new power supply still fix it? I have work I need to do on this computer today.”

Me: “Yes, assuming nothing else is damaged.”

(I replace the power supply with a new one, and the computer turns on. After booting, my client’s desktop background turns out to be a picture of his son and his best [male] friend having sex.)

Client: “Well, that explains it.”

(Turns out, the kid accidentally set the desktop background to the picture in question, and didn’t know how to change it back. In a state of panic he cut the wires, thinking dad would just get a new computer rather than get it fixed!)

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