Knows Zip About The Code

| NM, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

Me: “Thank you, Ma’am. Now I need your address so we can mail your order out to you.”

Caller: “I live at [Street, City, State, USA].”

Me: “OK, ma’am, I have all that. May I have your ZIP code, please?”

Caller: “My what?”

Me: “Your ZIP code. It’s part of your address. After your address.”

Caller: “After my address? No, I don’t have one.”

Me: “Everyone has a ZIP code. It’s the number that follows your address. If you live in the USA, you have a ZIP code. All addresses have one.”

Caller: “And I’m telling you I never heard of such a thing, I’ve lived in this house for 15 years and there’s no ZIP code here.”

Me: “You live in [City], right?”

Caller “Yes. In [City] in [State].”

Me: “Then your ZIP code is a five digit number and would probably begin with [number].”

Caller: “You’re out of your mind! I am looking out my window RIGHT NOW at my house number, on the front porch and there is NO ZIP CODE!”

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Trying To Clean Up His Act

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal

Coworker: “We had another shoplifter yesterday. Another one of our regular customers that we always look after.”

Me: “Really? Who?”

Coworker: “This guy who brings a bike in.”

Me: “Oh, I saw him as I was leaving yesterday. Had a funny feeling about him.”

Coworker: “Yes. He shopped for about half an hour while I stayed at the counter and kept an eye on his bike. He then came up to ask if we had soap making kits. I told him no but when he bent down to pick up the bag he left by his bike I saw a package with a pair of scissors in it, stuffed down his pants.”

Me: “Down his pants?”

Coworker: “Yes, the back of his pants. I told him he needed to pay for them so he pulled them out and threw them on the counter. But when he turned I noticed another item down his pants so I asked for that as well and he pulled that out. Then I noticed he had something in his pocket so I asked him what that was. He claimed it was something of his. I told him to show me and he pulled out more of our stock and threw it on the counter.”

Me: “I knew I had a strange feeling about him.”

Coworker: “Yes, and I was doing him a favour by watching his bike. I have no idea what else he bought. I watched him leave and saw him go in the fishing shop, so I raced up to warn them. They warned other shops as well. Each made sure he was followed in the store.”

Me: “Hopefully he won’t come back.”

Coworker: “Me, too, but the weirdest part was not long after there was a phone call. It was his voice asking if we had soap making kits.”

Retort Against Those Who Extort

| Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers, Top

(My mother is in her 70s, and is shopping at a thrift store when she spots a beautiful bamboo bookcase.)

Clerk: “Hi. Do you need some help?”

Mom: “I am interested in the shelf, but have to go home first and do some measuring.”

Clerk: “No problem; I’ll make sure it’s still here when you get back.”

(After getting home, measuring, and seeing it will fit, she calls me to ask if I can go with her to pick it up if it was still there. We get to the store, where she walks over to the bookshelf and shows me. About a second later, a customer immediately walks up to us.)

Customer: “I’m actually buying this shelf… but how much would you be willing to give me NOT to buy this?”

(My mom and I looked at each other in disbelief, and before I can even think of what to say to this idiot, the clerk from earlier immediately steps in:)

Clerk: “Sorry, sir. This lady was here earlier and was going to buy it, but she had to run home and take measurements first.”.

Customer: “Well, that’s not fair. I was just ready to buy this!”

Clerk: “Sorry. She gets first pick.”

Mom: *looking at the customer with a big grin* “And I decided I’ll take it.”

Clerk: *with an even bigger grin* “Let me go ahead and ring you up, and you also get a senior discount!”

(We spent the next few minutes cashing out while the customer just stood there and stared at us the whole time, and then stood out in the parking lot and kept staring at us (with a butt-hurt look) while I loaded it on the car, pausing here and there to give him a big ‘f*** you’ grin. Thank you, awesome clerk, for putting that a**-hole in his place for trying to extort money from the elderly!)

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A Little Bird Told Her Wrong

| FL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work at a horse supply/tack store. We don’t sell any sort of animal.)

Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. Do you sell pigeons?”

Me: “What’s a pigeon?”

Customer: “You don’t know what a pigeon is?”

Me: “Well, like the bird, pigeon?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “No, we don’t sell birds.”

Customer: “What type of store is this that you don’t sell birds?”

Me: “Uhm, a horse supply store.”

Customer: “Oh, the yellow pages didn’t say anything about that!”

Tipping The Scales Of Sobriety

| OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Pets & Animals

(I am ringing up a couple customers. The first is visibly drunk, but has been pleasant throughout the transaction.)

Me: “That will be [total], sir.”

Customer: “What’s that mean?”

(He is pointing at our tip jar, which has a sign reading ‘Tipping: Bad for Cows, Good for Staff.’)

Me: “You mean cow tipping?”

(He stares at me, clearly very confused.)

Me: “It’s a stereotypical redneck activity where you go out into a field and push a cow over while she’s sleeping.”

Customer: “You… what? Why do you push the cows?”

Me: “… because it’s funny?”

(I spend another five minutes trying to explain the concept. He really tries to wrap his head around it but he’s just too inebriated to manage it. Finally, he gives up and walks off with his food. The second customer, who has witnessed all of this, steps up to the register. He’s laughing and gesturing to his flannel shirt and jeans.)

Customer #2: “Don’t worry, honey. I’m a farm boy and I know what cow tipping is.”

Me: “Oh, thank goodness.”

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