Animal Madness Theme Of The Month Roundup

Not Always Right | Roundups

Animal Madness Theme Of The Month Roundup! Here’s a final roundup of stories from last month’s theme of the month!

  1. Like A Dog With A Bone About Your Dog (1,361 thumbs up)
  2. We’ll Sell You One When Guinea Pigs Fly (1,283 thumbs up)
  3. Not Dog’s Best Friend (1,226 thumbs up)
  4. An Ocean Of Reasons To Kick Them Out (1,127 thumbs up)
  5. Time To Separate The Horse From The Goats (1,441 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Listening Skills Don’t Carry Much Weight

| WV, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Transportation

(I am a cashier at a grocery store. Our management does not allow customers to take shopping carts outside. Instead, if a customer has a large order of groceries, we load them into a trolley and an employee follows the customer to their vehicles with the groceries. We always have employees on-hand to do these carry outs. An elderly customer comes to my register with several two-liters of soda and a box containing a 12-pack of soda, among other things. Thinking that this must be heavy, I offer to call a carry out for her.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, would you like a carry out today?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Would you like help out?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Would you like help out to your car?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: *very slowly and deliberately* “Would you like someone to help carry your bags to your car?”

Customer: “Oh, no, dear. I don’t need that.”

Me: “Are you sure? It would be no trouble at all.”

Customer: “I’m sure!”

(I shrug and ring up her order. I bag her groceries, she pays, and I hand her a receipt.)

Me: “Thanks a lot. Have a great day!”

Customer: *stares at her bags of groceries* “Well, how am I supposed to carry all of this by myself?!”

The Power Of One

| Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I work as front of house staff at a theater with multiple performance spaces. On this night we have three sold out shows in our building and an incredibly high volume of patrons in line for the box office and in line to get their tickets scanned. I am the only person scanning tickets at this point and I have developed a cluster of patrons around me, plus many more behind them. I realize that to proceed efficiently, I need more organization. I address my patron cluster:)

Me: “It will really help me out if everyone can form one line please!”

Woman In The Cluster: *as though this never would have occurred to her* “OH! Because you’re only one person!”

Me: “…exactly.”

Knocking The Wind Out Of Your Sails

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, History

(I work in a museum that focuses on the history of a particular ship. One day, a visitor approaches me and asks me this question:)

Visitor: “Excuse me, I have a question.”

Me: “Sure!”

Visitor: “When was the last time [Ship] had all of her sails out?”

Me: “The last time she sailed under her own power was in August 2012 on the 200th anniversary of her victory with—”

Visitor: “Yeah, but were ALL of her sails out?”

Me: “Well, no, only a few of the main ones necessary for—”

Visitor: “But I want to know when she had ALL her sails out like in this painting.” *gestures to nautical painting*

Me: “Ah! I see. Actually, artists painted ships with full sails to heighten the drama of the painting. There would be very few occasions when a ship would literally have all of her sails out at once because different sails are used in different situations and angles of wind and—”

Visitor: “Yeah, but WHEN was the LAST TIME she had ALL of her sails out?”

Me: *pause* “I guess I don’t know exactly.”

Visitor: *to his family* “Oh, she doesn’t know.”

Half Agreeing To Half And Half

| Seaside, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

(I am joining my family for dinner when I overhear this exchange between my mother and our waiter:)

Mom: “Can I have a cappuccino?”

Waiter: “I am sorry, We do not have any.”

Mom: “Do you have any green tea?”

Waiter: “Yes, ma’am.”

Mom: “Can I have that with vanilla?”

Waiter: “We do not have any vanilla.”

Mom: “Nothing vanilla.”

Waiter: “Vanilla vodka.”

Mom: “Peppermint? Gingerbread?”

Waiter: “We do not have any flavorings.”

Mom: “Any [Flavored Creamers]?”

Waiter: “We have half and half.”

Mom: “See, I did not want half and half.”

(My father breaks his silence and speaks up and says to the waiter.)

Dad: “Just say yes to whatever she says and bring her half and half.”

Mom: “That works for me.”

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