Won’t Get To Hear The High Notes

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

(I work event security for part time work. Usually it’s pretty mellow, and I just tell people they can’t bring in outside food and beverages. This event is a huge dub-step concert, and it is widely known that most people will try to sneak ‘stuff’ (like drugs) in by the strangest ways. There are a few giveaways when we think someone is trying to sneak stuff in. I notice a tall, skinny guy in his early 20s walking a bit off and see that his eyes are bloodshot.)

Me: “Hello, sir. How are you doing today?”

Guest: “Uh, I’m fine…”

(The guest pauses and starts walking away with a worried look on his face.)

Me: “Hold on one second. I noticed you were walking a bit off. Are you doing all right?”

Guest: “Oh, yeah, haha. I’m okay, I guess. It’s just hot, and uh, yeah.” *continues to try to walk away*

Me: “Just out of curiosity, you wouldn’t happen to be trying to hide any contraband to bring inside the venue, would you?”

Guest: “Pft! F*** no. F*** that s***. F*** you for assuming that. Is it because I’m white?”

Me: “Sir, I’m white, too… Since you don’t have anything on you, you wouldn’t mind if one of our K-9 units sniffed you, right?”

Guest: *still looking worried* “I don’t have to f****** do that! F*** you, lady!”

Me: “And I don’t have to let you in. Here’s what I’m going to do. Whatever it is you have on you, give it up now, all of it, and I’ll let you go into the venue with no consequences. If you do not give it up right now, I can have you arrested for possession. This is your only free pass. Take it or leave it. Which will it be?”

(I see him contemplating this, which is just another give-away.)

Guest: “I don’t have nothin’ on me, b****, so take that.”

(At this point I have him step off to the side while an officer with a K-9 unit comes over.)

Me: “Last chance for a free pass, man. All you have to do is surrender whatever it is you are hiding, and I’ll let you go in and have fun. You paid a lot of money to come here. Is it worth not going in just to hold onto some stuff?”

Guest: “F*** you, b****. I don’t have nothin’ on me. I just want to go inside and have fun.”

Me: *sigh*

(Almost as soon as the K-9 gets near us, he makes his motions and sounds indicating he is picking something up.)

Officer: “Sir, what do you have on you?”

Guest: “F*** off, a**hole. I just want to go inside.”

Officer: “I know you have something. Do you want me to find it the easy way or the hard way?”

Me: *puts on latex gloves, dramatically snapping the wrist as if I’m ready for a cavity search*

Guest: “Oh, you mean like drugs? Yeah, I forgot I lent these shorts to a friend, and he, uh, must have left some stuff in the pockets without me remembering. I don’t do that s***.”

(The officer and I look at each other, rolling our eyes and trying not to laugh.)

Officer: “Sir, can you empty your pockets, please?”

(The guest reaches into the back of his shorts, pulls a small baggie from his rectum containing packaged heroin, Molly, Ecstasy, and cocaine, throws it at me, and tries to walk away. The officer and I stop him.)

Guest: “WHAT THE F***, YOU B****! YOU SAID I COULD F****** GO IN IF I GAVE YOU THE F****** DRUGS!”

Me: “Yes, and you denied that you had anything. I let you know that if you didn’t give it up, you would be arrested for possession.”

Guest: “I JUST GAVE IT UP, B****!”

Me: “After your free pass expired…”

(He continued to curse at me while the officer and I walked him over to the security tent to get booked. We let him know he would not be arrested, but that he was no longer allowed to enter the venue, that his ticket would be confiscated, that he would be walked off the property, and that if he was found back on the property he WOULD be arrested for trespassing. I walked him off the property as he continually mumbled that I was a ‘f****** b****.’ Since I’m a female, the officer trailed behind to make sure I didn’t have any more problems. I started to walk back in when the guest runs up behind me, and punches me square across the face. Only seconds later, the dog was on him. All I got was a bruise on my cheek and a laugh about his stupidity. He got arrested for trespassing, assaulting me, and for the smorgasbord of drugs that were currently in his system.)

Gives New Meaning To Turn-Down Service

| USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque, Wild & Unruly

(Three teenagers, two guys and girl, reserve a room together. Our motel has a policy of only 18 and over, so they barely reach that. Two are boyfriend and girlfriend, and the other boy is the boyfriend’s friend. The girlfriend and the friend sneak in the room together, and later the boyfriend comes up to my counter.)

Boyfriend: “My key is not working. I tried it a million times!”

Me: “Sir, your key is not working because the people in there have thrown the deadbolt. Therefore, the key will not work unless they open. It’s for the guests’ security.”

Boyfriend: “I wonder why they would do that?”

Me: *coughs* “I have no idea. Have you tried their phone?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, and they won’t pick up!”

Me: “Hmmm…”

Boyfriend: “Maybe you could call their room?”

(I do so and get no answer. The customer gets even more agitated.)

Boyfriend: “This is f****** ridiculous, man! I just wanna get into my f****** room, man!”

Me: “The only thing we can do is go there and knock to see if they will answer.”

Boyfriend: “Fine! F**k!”

(Even though I’m not supposed to leave the front desk, the room is not far and I figure only to be away for a minute or so. We go and I knock gently on the door.)

Me: *calling* “Hello? Anyone there?”

(Inside, I can hear someone moving around and a radio being turned off.)

Boyfriend: “HELLO? YO, MAN! IT’S ME, MAN! OPEN UP! I CAN’T GET INSIDE WITHOUT YOU F****** OPENING, MAN!” *bangs on door really loudly*

(He continues yelling despite me trying to hush him because of disturbing the other guests. The room next door opens and a angry old man glares at us.)

Old Man: “Shut up! I’m trying to sleep!”

(The boyfriend ignores him and continues yelling at his friend to open up. Finally, the door opens. Inside I catch a glimpse of the girl and the friend in varying states of undress, staring at us like deer in headlights. I leave quickly, knowing this’ll get ugly soon.)

Boyfriend: “HEY, MAN! YOU TWO WERE F******?! WHAT THE H***, MAN!”

(The next day, a very red faced girl checks out with her new boyfriend — the friend, and we get multiple, angry complaints from the angry old man and others about their fighting. The following day, we changed the policy to 21 years and older.)

Hasn’t Got A Printed Leg To Stand On

| Washington, DC, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre

(I work at a clothing store that sells ‘club’ clothes and party dresses. I am one of the only white girls that works here.)

Customer: “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yeah. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Do you know where… Oh, never mind. You probably don’t know.”

Me: “Uh… I know where mostly everything is. What is it you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Never mind. I’ll find it myself!”

(The customer storms off. A few minutes go by, and the customer approaches one of my African-American coworkers.)

Customer: “Hey, do you have printed leggings?”

Coworker: “No, we don’t carry those.”

Customer: “Well, your white coworker told me you have them!”

Me: “Ma’am, you wouldn’t even let me answer you. I know we don’t have them.”

Customer: “Ugh, whatever.” *storms out again*

Me: *to coworker* “What just happened?”

Coworker: “You just witnessed racism.”

A Potentially Arresting Development

| Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink

(I’m working behind concessions. We’re an independent theater so we offer beer and wine along with the usual items.)

Customer: “Hi. Can I have a [Beer], please?”

(I usually try to figure out if I need to ask for ID by seeing if they have grey hair or any kind of age marks, but this guy has a shaved head and a fairly youthful face.)

Me: “Okay. Can I see some ID please?”

(The guy pulls out his wallet. That’s when I spot his badge. My eyes go wide.)

Customer: “I’m glad you asked. I didn’t want to have to arrest you.”

(He pays for his beer and goes off to his movie. To this day, I’m not completely sure if he was kidding about arresting me.)

Pull The Plug On The Appointment

| WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a fireplace store. I take a call from a customer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, the fan on my stove isn’t working.”

Me: “Oh, no. That’s not good!”

Customer: “Yeah. So what’s wrong with it?”

Me: “Well, hard to say over the phone. It could be a number of things. If you’d like I can set up a service appointment and have one of our techs check it out. Please be aware that we are booked out about two weeks.”

Customer: “Seriously!? What the h***! I’m cold!”

Me: “Well, you have to option to bring the fan into our shop; it’s cheaper and you can do that pretty much anytime.”

Customer: “No, I’m not really comfortable working on this thing.”

Me: “Is your stove working?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “So just your fan isn’t operating? ”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Does it make any noises or grinding sounds?”

Customer: “It’s not doing anything at all. I just got this fan two years ago, I’ll be very unhappy with you if it’s broken already.”

Me: “I hate to ask it, but just to make sure, have you checked to make sure that it’s plugged in?”

(The customer completely goes off on me, calling me all kinds of names. I have permission from my boss to hang up on people who are rude to me without cause but at this point I’m not sure what to do. I let him finish his rant and just change the subject.)

Me: “Do you want to schedule for [date two weeks from now]?”

Customer: “I guess. How much is a service call?”

Me: “$150.”

Customer: “That’s outrageous!”

Me: “Sir, we’re the cheapest around here and we’re booked out because when you’re good, you’re busy.”

Customer: “Fine. I’ll take it but this is ridiculous. You guys are con men, ripping off old people like me.”

(We hang up and less than an hour later, I get another call from him.)

Customer: “Hi. Um, not sure if I talked to you earlier, but um this is… and I, um, checked with my wife and it looks like she unplugged the fan to plug in the Christmas tree lights. So, uh, I’d like to cancel my appointment. Um, thank you.” *click*

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