Olive To Regret That

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | November 4, 2015

(I am working with my sister, and she is taking an order over the phone.)

Sister: “And will you be paying with cash, credit, or debit?”

(She pauses as the customer answers.)

Sister: “And just to make sure, that was black olives, not green, right?”

(She finishes taking the order.)

Sister: “I asked her if she wanted black olives instead of green to make sure I got the order right, but she just shouted “CASH!!” at me. I hope she likes black olives.”

Has Slugs And Snails And Puppy Dog Tails

| AZ, USA | Right | November 4, 2015

Customer: “I need someone to treat around my water meter.”

Me: “What kind of pests are you seeing?”

Customer: “I am not sure. They are either scorpions or rats. They have tails.”

Me: *aside to coworker* “Puppies have tails. Do you think there are puppies in his water box?”

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Just Popped Their Corn Bubble

| NY, USA | Right | November 4, 2015

(I’m working concession when I hear the following exchange between two customers standing about 10 feet in front of me looking at the menu-display we have above stand.)

Customer #1: “I think I’m gonna go for the medium popcorn.”

Customer #2: “Don’t do that! That’s just silly! Don’t you know movie-theater popcorn isn’t freshly made! It’s made days and days ahead of time and then shipped in from out-of-town, in big plastic garbage bags! You could be eating week-old popcorn if you get it at the movies!”

(I smirk and chuckle to myself, because we make fresh popcorn all day, every day with fresh and fairly expensive ingredients and most certainly don’t import week-old popcorn in garbage-bags. Our poppers are even visible in the back of concession if guests look hard enough.)

Customer #1: “That’s not true, is it?”

Customer #2: “It is! It’s part of their scam! This guy here knows it, and he doesn‘t care because he gets a cut of the big money they make from selling old food to innocent customers. It‘s highway robbery at it‘s finest.”

(I chuckle again considering I definitely haven’t gotten a cut of this non-existent “scam money” and am living check to check on minimum wage. I decide to have a little fun with the customers. I radio my manager, speaking just loud enough so that the customers can hear me.)

Me: *into radio* “Hey, I just wanted to double-check… Do you think I should make an extra batch of popcorn this morning just in case the next showtime sells out? I wanna make sure we have enough fresh popcorn ready.”

(Customer #2 hears and looks at Customer #1 with a scowl.)

Manager: *over radio* “If you think you should, go ahead. Nothing wrong with making another fresh batch just in case.”

(I turn and go into the back of concession while the two customers watch and put in fresh kernels and oil into the popper and start it, before turning it on.)

Customer #2: *quietly to her friend* “You see what he just did. It’s just special effects! We’re at the movies, after all. They pretend to make fresh popcorn, but all they sell is the cheap, old stuff!”

Customer #1: “Really? That’s just disgraceful. I’m going to call their corporate office and complain about this. It’s not right to scam their loyal customers like this!”

(They stormed off. I guess some people just HAVE to believe that they’re getting ripped off, even when they aren’t.)

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Needs To Make A Clean Break

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Right | November 4, 2015

(I’m trying to clean out a theater between shows, when the crowd waiting for the next show decide to come in and have a seat.)

Me: “Excuse me, but could everyone please give me a few minutes before you come in? I’m trying to clean up before the next show.”

(Everyone ignores me and continues to find a seat.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m trying to finish cleaning. Could you wait a few me a few more minutes?”

(People still keep coming in, and the theater is beginning to get crowded.)

Me: “Uh… I need to finish cleaning in here.”

(More people keep coming, and I finally give up and head back out to the lobby. A few minutes later one of the customers storms back out.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir. That theater is a mess! Why doesn’t somebody go in there and clean it?”

Me: *face-palm*

How To Get Non-Existent Panties In A Twist

, | FL, USA | Right | November 4, 2015

(I’m a FTM transgender, but have not begun transition, so although I’m frequently called “sir” in person based on my looks, my voice is a dead giveaway – especially at a call center job.)

Me: “Hello, I’m calling on behalf of [Company] regarding the power bill. May I speak with [Name]?”

Man: “Are you wearing any paaaaantieees?”

Me: “…Excuse me, sir?”

Man: “I like women who don’t wear paaaaaantieeees!”

Me: “Sir, I’m a man, and I’m calling to save you money on your power bill.”

Man: “No, you’re not! You’re a WOMAN and I like women who don’t wear PAAAAANTIEEEEES!”

Me: “So you’ve said, sir, but I’m a transgender man. Would you like to save money on your power bill or not?”

(At this apparently horrific revelation, the customer hangs up on ME, and I pause the dialer to do a victory dance at my desk.)

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