Mother Knows Best And All

| New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(A somewhat well-known professional athlete and minor celebrity is making a home-delivery order. He is with an older woman.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right today?”

Customer: *grunts*

Me: “Can you please fill out this form for delivery?”

Customer: *grunts*

Me: “Your address where you’d like it delivered?”

Customer: “Uh…” *turns to woman* “Mom, what’s my address?”

(Gives address.)

Me: “… and your signature?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Signature. Autograph?”

Customer: “Uh, oh, right!”

Me: “Can you please provide you cell phone number for the delivery?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Your cell number?”

Customer: “Mom, what’s my cell phone number?”

Not Game For The Games

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(A lovely, little old lady is wandering around the game store where I work. She picks up a copy of ‘Empires’ and turns to me.)

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “It is a turn based strategy game. You control an army, the opponent controls an army, and you take turns to—”

Customer: “Yes, but what is it?”

Me: “Well, it’s kind of like the game ‘Risk.’ There are some games that happen in ‘real time,’ where you and the opponent move at the same time, but this one—”

Customer: “Yes, but is it a book, a CD, a board game?”

Me: “It’s a computer game, madam. This is a computer game shop.”

Customer: “Oh…”

(She wanders off, picks up another game, and asks another sales associate.)

Customer: “What is this?”

If I Know Him I’ll Eat My Hat

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I vend at local arts and craft shows, selling handmade hats.)

Customer: “These hats are great! Do you know Sandy?”

Me: “Sandy? I don’t think so.”

Customer: “Oh c’mon! Sandy! He makes hats, too! Y’know, in Arizona? He’s famous!”

Me: “Nope. Can’t say I’ve met him.”

That Argument Went Straight In And Out

| Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(A customer wants a quote on replacing his radiator. I tell him that the repair time is listed at five hours.)

Customer: “Almost five hours to take out a rad and put another one in? It should be a simple in and out. All you have to do is remove a few hoses, bolts, and lift out the rad.”

Me: ‘If the standard labour rate is listed at just under five hours, it’s not just a simple in and out.’

Customer: “I can’t believe it would take anybody that long. Is there any way to get it done cheaper?”

Me: ‘Sure. How good are you with tools?’

Customer: “I’m not going to try do something like that!”

Me: “Even if it’s just a simple in and out?”


Customer: “How does next week look?”

One Is In Sickness, The Other Is in Health

| France | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

(I am returning to a patient after we have received a call from his worried wife.)

Me: “Okay. So, we got your wife on the phone—”

Patient: “Which one?”

Me: “Which one what?”

Patient: “Which wife. I have two at the moment. She didn’t say her name?”

Me: “… No. She just said she was your wife.”

Patient: “D***.”

Me: “…”

Me: “Well, at least one of your wives is worried about you, sir.”

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