One Large Popcorn, Extra Salty

| Aldershot, England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I am working the concessions counter for the evening. It’s been a hectic shift when two customers in their 20s approach me.)

Me: “How can I help today?”

Male Customer: “Hey, yeah, can we get a large popcorn and a small popcorn? And uh, can you do us a favour? This is going to sound really weird…”

Me: “Go for it!”

Male Customer: “Well, uh. My friend and I have been playing jokes on each other for a while, and I was wondering if you could help out?”

Me: “Uh… yeah, sure.”

Male Customer: “Great! Could you uh, put this in the small popcorn and cover it with the popcorn so my friend cant see it?”

(The female customer pulls out a rather large adult toy from her handbag and hands it to me as discreetly as possible – at this point I couldn’t help but laugh or deal with the customer by myself.)

Me: “Hey, uh, [Coworker], do you think this will fit in a small popcorn bag?”

(My coworker walks over looking mortified.)

Coworker: “If you want to successfully hide that, I would really suggest a large popcorn.”

Male Customer: “Okay! Change the small to a large please!”

(I took the object behind the counter so no one could see and filled up the bag as requested and processed their order.)

Woman Customer: “I’m really sorry. They’ve been doing this for a while now.”

Me: *still laughing at this point* “No, no, it’s okay. This is probably the best thing to happen whilst working here. I hope it turns out all right!”

(After they left my coworker and I had to take a moment to stop laughing and then we had to tell other coworkers and supervisors about it. To this day, I still don’t know if it was against policy or if a manager saw, but those two customers made that shift so much better!)

A Dual Personality

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Me: “Hello! How are you? What can I get you?”

Customer: “Hey! Can I get a margarita?”

Me: “Sure, would you like that dressed?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Awesome! Would you like salt or sugar?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “…Umm. Which one?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “…I got that. But with what?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Right… So, I don’t think you’re listening to me… Salt. Or sugar. Or even maybe both. Which option?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I go get the salt and sugar shakers.)

Me: “Okay. Salt-” *I wave the salt shaker* “-or sugar?” *I wave the sugar shaker* “Or perhaps both?” *I wave them both*

Customer: “Yes! Yes!”

Me: “Yes to what?!”

Customer: “I said yes already! Yes!”

Me: “Right… That’ll be $7.”

(I did both. She never came back to complain, to my knowledge, so I suppose I guessed correctly?)

Causing Bay-hem

| Syracuse, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

(Unfortunately, customers often receive gift cards from another popular chain of movie theaters as gifts, as they are sold in retail stores as preloaded gift cards. So we often get this sort of thing.)

Customer: “Two for [Movie], please!”

(The customer places a gift card for our competitor on the register.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are [Theater], not [Competitor], so I cannot accept this card.”

Customer: “You’re kidding, right? My grandma got this for me! It says right on it ‘cinemas.’ See?”

(Shoves gift card in my face.)

Customer: “CIN-E-MAAAAS. Right there. And it’s all going to the movie company anyway, so you should take it.”

Me: “I can’t accept gift cards for another theater. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because your grandma paid money to our competitor for this gift card, and you’d be getting tickets from us for free.”

Customer: “But the movie company will pay you back.”

Me: “That’s not how this works, sir.”

Customer: “Give me the number for the movie company.”

Me: “I don’t have that, sir.”

Customer: “Yes, you do! They pay you to work here. Give me the number of the movie company!”

Me: “[Theater] pays me to work here. I can give you their corporate number if you wish.”

Customer: “Yes! GOD!”

(I give him the number to corporate and proceed to hear him yelling into the phone that he wanted to speak to ‘Steven Spielberg or Michael Bay or one of those guys.’ The worst part? Just to shut him up, they authorized a free replacement gift card for him, which I was forced to honor at that time, and the whole time the man was mumbling about how he was right and ‘at least the directors understood him.’)