Sadly That Is The Uniform Response

| The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

(I work for a company that supplies company clothes. I need something from a hardware store so I go there after work wearing my company’s clothes. The employees there are naturally wearing work clothes of this particular DIY store, of a different style and color to the work clothes I was wearing. Some customer there walks up to me.)

Customer: “Do you still have [item] in store? It doesn’t seem to be on the shelves.”

Me: “I really couldn’t tell.”

Customer: *immediately interrupting me* “Always the same. You people are really unhelpful. Never know anything and I guess you’re not even going to check, right?”

Me: *pointing at the logo on my shirt of a totally different company* “I don’t work here. I just happen to need something here.”

Customer: *slowly realising my clothes in no way resemble the clothes of the store employees* “Well! How am I supposed to know that you don’t work here?!”

Me: “Perhaps by seeing that my clothes are completely different from the employees here?”

Customer: “It’s your fault! I can’t be bothered with such things.”

The Power Of The Lanyard

| Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

(I am shopping at a popular punk/pop culture outfitter for some new shirts. I have recently moved onto a nearby college dorm and am wearing a lanyard with my keycard and keys on it that clearly have my school logo on them. I am also wearing a t-shirt referencing a popular rock band and an animated series and have a purple streak dyed in my hair. As I’m stepping out of the dressing room with several shirts, I am approached by two fellow customers.)

Customer #1: “Hi, is it okay if I try these clothes on after I buy them?”

Me: “…what?” *thinking she may be asking the employee nearby*

Customer #1: *looking me in the eye* “Yes, I want to try them on AFTER I purchase them.”

Me: *deer in headlights* “Uh… I guess there’s no harm in that.”

Customer #1: “Excellent, thank you!” *goes to pay*

(Immediately behind her, Customer #2 approaches me, having heard the entirety of our conversation.)

Customer #2: “Do you have dressing rooms?”

Me: “Yes…?” *points to the room I just exited*

(He leaves, and I turn to my friend.)

Me: “They both thought I worked here!”

Friend: *laughing* “Maybe you should apply here!”

(Considering the stupidity of those two customers, maybe I should NOT.)

Talking Turkey About Working Here

| Lansing, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I am shopping at a grocery store, when another customer reaches into my cart and grabs a package of ground turkey. It was on sale, so I was buying eight packages of it. Of note, I am wearing a black t shirt and blue jeans; the store employees wear blue vests and nametags.)

Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

Woman: “I’m trying to help you out. God, you can’t even say thank you?”

Me: “How does taking food out of my shopping cart help me?”

Woman: “Now you don’t have to go put this one back. Geez, you’re welcome.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m a customer here. If you take my food, it means I have to go back and pick up another one. That’s not helping.”

Woman: “Don’t lie to me, boy. No one would buy this much turkey at once.”

Me: “I would. It’s on sale, and I’ve got a chest freezer at home, so I can buy a lot when it’s on sale and use it up gradually. Please give me back my food.”

Woman: “It’s mine now. And I’m going to complain to your supervisor. You shouldn’t be so rude to your customers.”

Me: “Since I don’t work here, good luck with that.”

(I decided it wasn’t worth arguing with her anymore, and went to go get another package of turkey. I hope she did try to complain to a manager.)

I Know Better Than To Work Here

| Blaine, MN, USA | One-Liners, Theme Of The Month

(I’m shopping at the local [Largest Retailer in America] just after leaving work elsewhere. I’m not wearing any clothes that look anything like this company’s uniforms. I’m in the bottled water aisle, looking for a particular brand when this happens.)

Customer: *asks something as though I were an employee*

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I don’t work here. I have no idea.”

Customer: “Oh, sorry.”

(I get a thought just as she’s about to head off…)

Me: “Out of curiosity, what made you think I work here?”

Customer: “You just looked like you knew what you were doing.”

Me: *laughs* “I do, and that’s why I don’t work here.”

Superbowled Them Over With Realisation

| Sparta, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am working as a cook at a pizza place. it’s Superbowl Sunday, the phone has been ringing constantly, and we’re working non-stop. My manager asks me to answer the phone in back and take orders.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like an order for delivery.”

(I take his order.)

Me: “Okay, that comes to [total] and the delivery estimate comes to about three hours.”

Customer: “THREE HOURS?! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!”

Me: “Sir, are you watching the Superbowl tonight?”

Customer: “Well… yeah.”

Me: “And I assume you have a small gathering at your house?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Would you safely assume you’re the only person in town doing this?”

Customer: “…umm, no.”

Me: “So if everyone else in town is doing the same as you, there is going to be a bit of a wait. Do you still want your order?”

Customer: “Oh. Yeah, we can wait.”

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