Common Sense Has Left The Ranch

| Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working at a sandwich shop while in high school. I have just made a sandwich for a customer and gone into the back to grab a few things. The customer returns to the counter to talk to my coworker.)

Customer: “This is totally unacceptable. I want a new sandwich made!”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My sandwich has ranch on it. I hate ranch!”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Yes, my girlfriend hates ranch dressing. She would never order a sandwich with ranch!”

Customer: “You should really check with people before you start making their food, you know!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. Let me get another sandwich started for you. What kind did you order?”

Customer: “Chicken bacon ranch. Oh, but no bacon!”

Green Eyes Don’t Get You The Green

| TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body, Money

(I am keying in banking and income information for a customer who really wants to borrow 200 dollars.)

Me: “Congratulations! You’ve been approved for $150 today!”

Customer: “Oh, man! Thanks! Did you know you have the most beautiful green eyes I’ve ever seen, young lady?”

Me: “Thank you so much, but our loans are computer generated amounts based on your income and banking information. I can’t approve for more than the $150.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, they aren’t that pretty after all.”

Me: *just staring at him* “Umm?”

Customer: “That came out wrong.”

You Wouldn’t Beliebe It

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

(We have pre-teen Justin Bieber cut outs in our store, along with party accessories.)

Customer: “I was wondering if you have any ‘Justine Bieber’ stuff.”

Me: *thinking nothing of how she said the name* “Right this way! We have the pre-teen Bieber, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “No, I was wanting the cut out stand. You know, the cardboard ones you can buy.”

Me: “OH! Yes, I don’t think we have any set up in the store, but we have some in the back. They’re $34.97 for one.”

Customer: “That’s really high!”

Me: “I agree. It’s a bit much for some cardboard, but girls seem to love owning them.”

Customer: “That’s true. My granddaughter keeps asking for one.”

Me: “Well, let me just look in the back to see if we have one.” *goes to back and brings out a still-packaged cut out*

Customer: “Oh, this one is pre-teen, too.”

Me: “Yes. I’m afraid we don’t have any new Bieber items.”

Customer: *frowning at the cut out* “Just as well. I don’t really like my granddaughter having this Bieber stuff. Have you see how she looks?”

Me: “Sorry? Your granddaughter?”

Customer: “No, ‘Justine Bieber.’ She’d be so much prettier if she’d grow her hair out, is what I mean. With her hair all spiked up how it is, she looks like a lesbian!”

The Game Of Life

| TN, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Technology

Customer: “Sir, do you know anything about video games?”

Me: “Yeah, I do, but it depends on which games. I haven’t played them all yet.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be playing video games! You are a young man. Go make a d*** family!”

(I look down at the floor at this point as the customer is scolding me.)

Customer: “Were you just looking at my daughters a**!?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I wouldn’t!”

Customer: “Is she not GOOD enough for you?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m gay…”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be that either!”

Take Note Of The Note, Part 2

| Auckland, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Money

(I’m a cashier and food server working alone on the morning shift in a small store. I have just served a customer and he is waiting for his fries to cook.)

Customer #1: “How long until my chips are ready?”

Me: “1 minute and 45 seconds away.”

Customer #2: “Hey, man. I don’t mean to be a bother, but I’m in a hurry. Can you change some money for me?”

Me: “Possibly. How much do you need changed?

(Customer #2 holds up a $20 note.)

Me: “Yeah, sure. Why not?” *I take the $20 off of him, and give him two $10 notes*

Customer #2: “Thanks, man.” *leaves the store*

(I have a funny feeling about the exchange, so when I put his note in the till, I fold the bill below just in case. A minute later…)

Customer #2: “Hey, man. You only gave me $20. I gave you three $20 notes.”

Me: “I’m 100% sure you only gave me $20.”

(I am about to offer to take his details which is procedure in these circumstances when he cuts me off.)

Customer #2: “Look, man. I’m not trying to scam you. My cousin gave me $60 and I needed them changed. They might have been stuck together and looked like one bill but there were three. I would like my $40.”

Me: “I am 100% sure you only gave me $20. If you had asked to change $60 I would have said no in the first place. I also folded the bill below so I can check should a customer come back.”

Customer #2: *about to begin arguing*

Customer #1: “Dude, you only gave him $20.”

Customer #2: *stammers* “Oh, really. My bad, then!”

(Customer #2 walks of rather fast, only to stop at the door, come back, and grab the two $10 notes he’s left on the counter. A few seconds later, Customer #1’s order is ready.)

Me: “Here’s your chips and some sauce on the house, for before.”

Customer #1: “Thanks. So was that guy trying to scam you or what?! He seemed genuine and dodgy at the same time.”

Me: “Yeah, but he didn’t come back to change the other $20 notes.”

Customer #1: “I wouldn’t hate Monday mornings if I saw something that entertaining each week!”

Take Note Of The Note

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