Parenthetically Speaking

| Portland, OR, USA | Technology

Caller: “I wondered if I need to dial the parenthesis around the area code when I make a phone call?”

Me: *after paused mute to control my laughing* “Ma’am, if you can find those buttons on your phone go right ahead and push them!”

Just Crossed The Online Line

| NS, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology, Wild & Unruly

Me: “Thank you for calling [Retail Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *happy* “Hi there! Ugh, I ended up ordering the wrong thing online. Silly me; should have been paying more attention. Can I return this?”

Me: “Yah! Sure, no problem. Can I get the order number from you?”

Customer: “Of course!” *reads it off*

Me: “Perfect. Just one second. I’m sorry; my system shut off on me. We have an online return option. Would you like me to walk you through the steps? It’s really simple. If not just give me. like. 60 seconds to bring my system back up and I would be more than happy to do the return for you.”

Customer: “YOU WANT ME TO DO IT ONLINE?! YOU DON’T WANT TO HELP?! FINE!” *hangs-up*

Pretty In Pink-Orange

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Holidays

(Last year I dyed my hair bright red, and by October it was starting to fade out to a pink-orange. I was used to getting a lot of comments about my hair and most were positive so I was taken by surprise when I was ringing up an older customer a few days before Halloween.)

Husband: “Is that your real hair?”

Me: “Yes. it is.”

Husband: “Well. I like it. It’s nice. You look very pretty.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(His wife looks at him with a face that says she doesn’t appreciate him complimenting me.)

Husband: *to his wife* “Well, she’s Halloween pretty, anyway.”

Me: “…here’s your receipt. Have a nice night…”

(My manager and I still haven’t figured out if I should take that as a compliment or insult, yet.)