Obama-Careless, Part 2

| MO, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Health & Body, Politics

Me: “This is medical records. How can I help you?”

Patient’s Girlfriend: “My man was in the ER yesterday and we need to know what’s wrong with him.”

Me: “Okay. He just needs to fill out a release of information. I can fax one to you, or mail one to you, or you can come in, whichever is easiest for you.”

Patient’s Girlfriend: “You can’t just tell me?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. That’s against HIPAA regulation.”

Patient’s Girlfriend: “He’s too sick to come in! And we don’t have no fax.”

Me: “Then you can come in, pick up a release, and then take it back to have him fill it out authorizing his records to be released to you. When you can come back we can give you his records.”

Patient’s Girlfriend: “I don’t have a driver’s license! He doesn’t have one either. This is bulls***!”

(Meanwhile, I can hear the patient in the background, shouting about how he’s ‘paying for HIPAA’ and how everything is Obama’s fault before he finally takes the phone from the girl.)

Patient: “You look here. I f****** need to know now! I’m really f****** sick and I need to know what’s f****** wrong with me! I’ll come get you when I die!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I really can’t release information over the phone. If you’re seeing a doctor who needs to know what you were seen for in the ER, they can contact us and we can send them the records directly.”

Patient: “I’m not seeing no f****** doctor. I don’t have no ‘Obamacare.’ I just wanna know what’s wrong with me!”

Me: *giving up* “Would you like to speak to my director?

Patient: “D*** yes, I’ll speak to your director! I’ll send Obama after you!”

(I attempt to transfer the call to my director. It rings through to her voicemail so I go ahead and transfer him so he can leave a message. After hanging up, I stare at the phone for a few minutes before turning to my coworker next to me.)

Me: “That might be the most occurrences of the f-word I’ve ever heard in five minutes.”

(Ten minutes later, a coworker from another part of the office comes in.)

Coworker #2: “Um, there’s a patient on the phone who’s really upset. He says he needs his records right now.”

Coworker #1: “Is he saying the f-word a lot?”

(Coworker #2 nods and Coworker #1 sighs.)

Coworker #1: “Tell him to see if maybe one of the doctors or nurses who treated him will talk to him and transfer him to the ER.”

(Five minutes later Coworker #1’s phone rings.)

Coworker #1: “Thank you for calling… What? Oh, good grief. I think we just talked to him, but go ahead and put him through. Health Information Management. How can I help you? Mmhm. No, I can’t give you any information over the phone. All right. I’ll hold, but I can’t break the law for him, either.

(My coworker hangs up the phone and catches my curious look.)

Coworker #1: “He told me he was going to transfer me to the White House so I could talk to Obama. When I said I’d hold, he muttered something about his stupid smartphone, and then told me to f*** off and hung up.”

Related:
Obama-Careless

About To Get Himself Booked

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Criminal & Illegal, Geeks Rule

(We WERE a specialty bookstore but have gone the way of many others and are liquidating stock, with the only thing not discounted being rare or signed editions in a locked glass cabinet. Whilst most books are massively discounted, we also have a basket of books with minor shelf damage with a sign that states they are damaged and therefore customers are welcome to take a free one with any purchase. A customer approaches with a handful of them.)

Customer: “I’d like a discount on these. They’re damaged.”

Me: “Well, everything’s pretty much discounted. It doesn’t get much cheaper than $1 a book. Even so, they’re free if you purchase another item.”

Customer: “So, all the damaged books are free?”

Me: “Yes, if you purchase another book with them.”

Customer: “I’ll be right back.”

(He leaves his stack on the counter and I help other customers when I notice a cracking sound. He triumphantly returns to the counter, shoving other customers out of the way saying he was there first. I look over his shoulder to see he’s broken the latch on the rare book display to force it open as he slams a leather bound book signed by Neil Gaiman AND Terry Pratchett on the counter, cracking the hardcover.)

Customer: “All the damaged books are free, right?”

(You really don’t want to know what some of the other customers did…)

Refunder Blunder, Part 4

| Gaithersburg, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Theme Of The Month

(I’m a part-time manager at a popular arts and crafts store. One of my cashiers has just called me on the radio to ask me to do a return for him. I am confused, but go up to find a customer we had dealt with two nights prior who had a bunch of returns and only had receipts for half of them. She has the receipt for a candle and a vase this time, but not for the other nine vases.)

Customer: “I have a return card from before. You can just put the store credit from the ones without the receipt on there.”

Me: “It doesn’t always work, but I can sure try. Let me just get these all scanned in.”

(I put in her driver’s license number as I would for any return without a receipt and the system declines the return. This happens sometimes as a measure to prevent fraud if a customer is found to be doing a lot of high-dollar value of returns with no receipt.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t process this return. There’s a number on that slip there that you can call for more information.”

Customer: “What? So, you won’t give me back my money?”

Me: “No, sorry. It doesn’t give the exact reasons, but you can call that number for more information as to why the return was declined. I can’t bend the rules here.”

Customer: “That’s illegal. Where does it say that you can refuse to do a return? I want to speak to your supervisor!”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure, but I’ll go look in our database to find you some proof.”

(I go to the office and print out the policy for returns, cut out the simple return policy, and highlight the first line which states ‘[Store Chain] reserves the right to refuse any return regardless of receipt,’ which I then give to the customer.)

Me: “There you go. As you can see, the first line clearly says we can refuse to refund you.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! [Store Name] is really willing to lose business over $18? That’s a stupid policy. Other stores let you return anything no matter what.”

Me: “Yes, well, they’re owned by different people and they probably work with different credit companies.”

Customer: “They’re your competition and they’ve been around for a long time. Do you really want to go to small claims court over $18, because I will call my lawyer. You need to get a job at a store with more class.”

Me: “Our store has actually been around for forty years. What I NEED, ma’am, is to finish my degree and start teaching. That was rather personal.”

Customer: “You wanna be a teacher? Well, I’m a teacher. I’m an English teacher, and I write a lot. I write a lot of letters and this will be out there.”

Me: “All right, ma’am. You can certainly call our corporate number to lodge any complaints. Have a nice night.”

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 3
Refunder Blunder, Part 2
Refunder Blunder

Clean Out Of Common Sense

| WY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A caller is complaining that there is something wrong with her computer when she tries to access the internet. I run through the usual diagnostics, but nothing seems to help. I have already been put on probation for letting my calls go over seven minutes, and I am eager to get this call completed.)

Me: “Ma’am, before we proceed, I’m going to need you to defrag your computer and when it’s completed, call us back to finish the procedure.”

Customer: “What does ‘derag’ mean?”

Me: It’s a maintenance task that’s basically cleaning up your computer. I can walk you—”

Customer: “Okay, thanks!” *hangs up*

(I assume we’ve been disconnected, so I call the customer back to finish the call.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we seemed to have been cut off—”

Customer: “Oh don’t worry about it! You’ve been most helpful.”

Me: “I thought I should call you back and walk you through defragging your hard drive.”

Customer: “That’s very kind of you, but I already started to…” *giggles* “…defrag my computer!”

Me: “Okay. In that case, when the computer is finished, call us back and we can see if that did the trick. It should take a few hours at least—”

Customer: “Oh, it won’t take THAT long. The rinse cycle should be done in a half hour.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “My dishwasher has an efficiency setting. Though I admit, it was difficult getting the computer in there.”

Me: “You put your computer in the DISHWASHER?”

Customer: “Well, it was too big to put in the sink.”

(At this point, I had no idea what to do. I told the customer that I would document the conversation in our logs, and she could call back for further technical support. Then I closed down my station and told my supervisor that I was sick and had to go home. He was doubled over with laughter, having listened to my calls. The call logs made their way around my shift-mates, who hung a ‘Dry Clean Only’ sign on my station. The upside is I was never bothered about my call time again.)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 29

| Tokyo, Japan | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “That will be ¥1260.”

Customer: *gives a ¥1000 bill*

Me: “And ¥260 yen more.”

Customer: “I have only a ¥1000.”

Me: “Okay. Since you’re short ¥260, shall we put some items away?”

Customer: “Why?”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

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