It’s Time To End The Shift On A High

| Huntsville, AL, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I’m just finishing up a call with a pleasant customer, my last call for the day. Because of mandatory overtime, I’ve been at work for almost 12 hours straight and can’t wait to leave.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

Customer: “Hang on. My daughter wants to ask you a question.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I hear the customer hand the phone to his daughter. She sounds very young: probably three or four.)

Girl: “Hi!”

Me: “Hi, there! How are you?”

Girl: “Good. Hey, do you know what time it is?”

Me: *playing along* “No, sweetie. What time is it?”

Girl: “It’s peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat!”

Customer: “Sorry about that. She just HAS to sing it every time I’m on the phone.”

Me: *laughing really hard* “It’s perfectly fine, sir. I can’t think of a better way to end my shift!”

Didn’t Do Math At Hogwarts

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(A customer is renting ‘Harry Potter: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2.’)

Customer: “Have you watched this?”

Me: “Yes, but I found the books to be much better.”

Customer: “How can you like the work of some lazy author?”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “There are eight movies, but only seven books. The author got lazy and wrapped everything up in seven books instead of writing eight!”

Needs A Break(fast)

, | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

Customer: “Do you have toast?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We—”

Customer: *points to greeter* “But SHE said I could have breakfast, so I want breakfast.”

Me: “Even though it’s lunch time, we serve pancakes, bacon, and oatmeal all day. Would you like—”

Customer: “You must be NEW because you don’t know ANYTHING!”

Manager: “We also have some breakfast burritos left if you’d like those.”

Customer: “Ring me up for PANCAKES, then. Pan… CAKES. She said breakfast. I want breakfast!”

Me: “Would you like syrup—”


(Luckily, her pancakes come up pretty quickly, and she yanks the tray out of my manager’s hands.)

Customer: “SEE? Now you KNOW SOMETHING.”

Me: *to manager* “I am now aware that we have pancakes. I now have edumacation. I are smart.”

Manager: “You can leave early if you want…”

Door Busted

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Holidays

(A customer comes into the store three days after Black Friday.)

Customer: “Yeah. I’m looking for that Toshiba TV you had for Black Friday.”

Me: “The exclusive one that we carry?”

Customer: “I think so.”

Me: “The door buster deal that no other competitor could beat?”

Customer: “Sounds like the one.”

Me: “The product that 1,000 people got in line for days in advance in order to be the first and only ones to get it?”

Customer: “Yep, that’s th— Oh… ”

Me: “Yeah… About that…”

Customer: “Yeah. Never mind.”

Orders Can Not Be Made For Bread Alone

| Quezon City, Philippines | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Hi. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “Give me a six-inch parmesan oregano.”

Me: “Certainly, and what would you like on that?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You’ve told me what bread and size you want. You still need to tell me what filling you want for your sandwich.”

Customer: “Just the parmesan oregano.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a kind of bread. What meat or vegetables do you want me to put in it?”

Customer: “Why are you making this difficult?! I just want a six-inch parmesan oregano sandwich!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me make this clear: that is a kind of bread. It is a wheat loaf that has been prepared with parmesan cheese and oregano, the latter of which is an herb. However, there are no additional cheeses or herbs in it to fulfill the definition of ‘sandwich,’ and I have no idea whether we’re even allowed to sell just bread. Now, what filling would you like for your sandwich, which will be made using your chosen six-inch parmesan oregano loaf?”

Customer: “… Oregano isn’t a kind of meat?”

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