His Excuse Is A Total Cop Out

| SC, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

(I work for security in a very rural hospital and am dealing with a very unruly patient who isn’t allowed to leave due to medication he has taken.)

Me: “Sir, I just want to make you aware that because of the medications you have taken, for your safety, I need you to go back inside and call a ride to pick you up.”

Patient: “F*** you! I’m an adult! I’ll do what i want!”

Me: “Sir, I understand that you don’t feel well, and I’m trying to be nice to you. So, will you please return to the ER?”

Patient: “F*** YOU!”

(I notify my partner of the incident and the police are called to deal with the individual. As we await the police, the patient comes back to the ER lobby and confronts the very outspoken desk clerk who has no idea what is going on.)

Patient: “WHO SENT THAT RENT-A-COP OUTSIDE TO WATCH ME LIKE A CHILD?!”

Desk Clerk: “Can I help you?”

Patient: “I want to speak to the rent-a-cop who followed me to my vehicle to watch me like I’m some three-year-old! I’ll have him know that I’m very good friends with the owner of his company and I’ve been a security guard for over 10 years!”

Desk Clerk: “Well, sir, wouldn’t that make you a rent-a-cop, too?”

Patient: “That’s not the same!”

(As the patient is leaving, he has one more question.)

Patient: “Hey, man. I would like to apologize for the behavior. It was the meds talking. But I do have a question.”

Me: “What’s that?”

Patient: “Are y’all hiring?”

Some Returns Make You Have Kittens

| USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

Lady: “We’re here to give back this cat we got from you about a year ago.”

Me: “Okay. I’m sorry for that. Can I ask why are you returning him? Are you having any problems with him?”

Lady: “No, we just decided we like kittens but we don’t really like cats. Could we exchange him for another kitten?”

Me: “You do understand that every kitten will grow into a cat? What will you do when the next kitten grows up?”

Lady: “Can’t I just exchange it again?”

South Of The Border Of Unreason

| Tijuana, Mexico | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a company that works on providing phone-based tech support to other US-based telephone companies.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Provider]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Oh, hello. My name is [Name]. I have a box from [Provider] that I want removed from my lawn. It’s been sitting there for two days.”

Me: “Well, sir, you should have picked it up, since once the equipment arrives to your home it becomes your responsibility, and you must ship it back.”

Caller: “You don’t understand. I want you to send somebody from [Provider] to pick up that box for me.”

Me: “Sir, I can send you over someone to pick it up, but that’s going to cost you $75 USD.”

Caller: “No. I want it picked up for free. I don’t want that box.”

Me: “Then you must pick it up yourself and send it back to [Provider] via UPS or postal service, or drop it off with a sales representative at a [Provider] store.”

Caller: “I don’t want to do it. I want you to pick it up for me and take it away. For free. Don’t you understand? Am I calling to India or something like that?”

Me: “You are speaking to Tijuana, Mexico, and I do understand you, sir. However, we cannot send anyone to pick up the box, since it’s your responsibility to do so.”

Caller: “You must speak Spanish. Bring someone over to the phone who can understand English.”

Me: “I do understand you, sir. But that doesn’t change that you must still bring that box yourself or you will be charged for not returning the equipment.”

Caller: “No, you are speaking Spanish. Bring me someone who can speak English.”

Me: “Sir, we’re speaking in English.”

Caller: “I doubt it.”

Me: “Well, believe it. We’re speaking in English.”

Caller: “I refuse to speak with you. Bring me someone who can speak English. Bring me your f****** supervisor.”

(My supervisor in this moment was away on a meeting, and the only supervisor available that day was already taking a call.)

Me: “Sir, my supervisor will tell you the same.”

Caller: “Then f****** bring me your supervisor’s boss.”

Me: “Even if I take it to God himself, he’ll still tell you that you must grab that box and ship it back via postal service. And this is your first warning, sir. If you keep talking that way, I will be forced to terminate this call.”

Caller: “Bring me your f****** supervisor. I refuse to speak with you, f****** wetback.”

(Our company has a policy of reserving the right to withdraw from this kind of calls if the customer comes up with these kinds of tantrums.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Provider tech support]. We apologize that your problem will go unresolved. Do not bother calling back. Have a nice day.” *click*

(When I later check the records, I found out that this customer had already called four times for the same reason!)

Actually Wore Her Name Out

| Battle Creek, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Before I tell you anything, I want to know your name. I’m not about to be taken advantage of. I’m old.”

Me: “That’s no problem, ma’am. My name is Chelsea. ”

Caller: “What did you say? Carly?”

Me: “No, ma’am, Chelsea.”

Caller: “Casey?”

Me: “Chelsea, with a “C.H.””

Caller: “Patchy?”

Me: “… Yes.”

Accentuating The Problem, Part Deux

| RI, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Language & Words

(I’m from a region that has a very unique and distinct accent. Despite having lived in the region for my entire life, I do not speak with the accent. My lack of regional accent and the unusual spelling of my first name will often lead to customers asking me where I’m from.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything else?”

Customer: “Yes, your accent and name are interesting. Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from this state.”

Customer: “No, no. You misunderstood me. Where were you born?”

Me: “I was born in this state.”

Customer: “That can’t be! You don’t talk like you’re from this state and I’ve never seen that spelling of your name! Stop lying to me and tell my where you’re really from!”

Me: “Sir, I’m telling you the truth. I was born here but I grew up in a Francophone family which is why I don’t have the typical regional accent.”

Customer: “You’re definitely not from around here if you’re from a whatever-you-called-it family! I want you to tell me where you’re really from!”

(Finally fed up with the customer keeping me from my work I give up trying to argue with him.)

Me: “All right. I’m from Quebec, Canada.”

Customer: “See, was that so hard? You speak very good English for someone from Quebec. You must have studied hard. Have a nice day, mademoiselle!”

Related:
Accentuating The Problem

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