Some Customers Are Ice Cold

| WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Transportation

(I’m a delivery driver. Within my first week I’ve had people treat me poorly. One very blizzard-y Saturday I deliver to a young lady. Her driveway is a hill and very icy. My car won’t make it up. She finally hears me and comes out. I make the journey up the hill and slip and fall.)

Customer: “I apologize for not salting my driveway.”

Me: “No problem. Just sign the receipt here.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have a pen. Could you grab one from your car?”

(I go to get it, climb up the driveway, and slip and fall again. She signs it, with no tip or apology. I get back to my car to realize I forgot her soda. As much as I wanted to just drive back to the store, I knew I had to get her that soda. I climb up the driveway one last time, slipping and falling again. She answers the door all surprised but then sees the soda.)

Customer: “Oh yeah, thanks.”

(She grabbed it and shut the door in my face.)

Knowledge On Fizzy Is Fuzzy

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The store is relatively quiet and empty on this evening. A customer enters and approaches me quickly, seeming angry. She slams an open 12-pack of caffeine-free soft drinks on my counter, which I remember I had sold to her earlier.)

Customer: “False advertising!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You sell products that are advertised falsely!”

Me: “Um… okay. How? Did you get overcharged?”

Customer: “These are marked as ‘caffeine free’ but they AREN’T! I demand a refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have no control over the caffeinating. That would be something to contact the soda company about. May I ask, how do you know it has caffeine in it?”

Customer: “Watch!”

(She proceeds to open a can. I hear a ‘tsssshhhhh.’)

Customer: “THERE! See? You don’t hear that noise unless it isn’t caffeinated! There is caffeine in these!”

Me: “Oh! That isn’t because of caffeine—”

Customer: “Don’t try to protect them! I DEMAND A REFUND!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s CARBONATION. Not CAFFEINE.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “CARBONATION is what makes the drink bubbly; CAFFEINE is a stimulant. Furthermore, like I said, that would be an issue to take up with the soda company. Not us.”

Customer: “… oh. Oh!” *gathers up her drinks and hurries out, clearly embarrassed*

Big Brother Is A Big Bother

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Politics, Technology

(Our company sells high-tech gadgets for use with RC planes and helicopters, such as GPS locators and infrared sensors.)

Customer: “Hello. I’m trying to order your GPS unit, but I don’t want to put my credit card number online.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have a way to take a credit card order over the phone. The only thing I could do is bring up the website and enter it there myself.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not putting my credit card number out on the Internet!”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you that entering your credit card information on our encrypted website is much more secure than reading it off to me over the telephone. But we also take PayPal, if you don’t want to involve your credit card at all.”

Customer: *grumbling* “Okay.” *hangs up*

Coworker: *overhearing the conversation* “Did someone have a security issue with the website?”

Me: “No, he just wants military satellites to be able to track his model airplane’s precise location… but he’s afraid of e-commerce.”

Some Customers Will Even Pull Your Hair Out For You

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I am trying to fix the printer on a self-check out machine. I am a girl with long hair pulled back in tight braids and a bun. A loop of hair has snagged on a lag screw on the raised portion of the screen.)

Me: *calling coworker on the phone* “Hey, I got myself stuck in the self-check. Can you come help me?”

Coworker: “Sure.”

(A customer pulls up to her station with a large order. I can’t see her and she can’t see me, so I wait patiently, bent completely over.)

Customer: *walks up to me* “Can you check these out for me?”

(The customer hands me a bunch of bolts.)

Me: “I would be happy to, sir, just as soon as I get unstuck from this machine.”

Customer: “Have you called anyone to help you yet?”

Me: “Yes, sir. She should be here in a moment.”

(There is a very long awkward pause, while the customer just stands there looking at me.)

Customer: “Well….she’s not here yet. I guess I could help ya out.”

Me: “I would appreciate that. Thanks!”

(The customer proceeds to yank violently on my hair. A few strands come completely out of my head. Finally, the loop of hair comes off the lag screw.)

Customer: “There. Will you ring me out now?”

Didn’t See That (Second) Coming

| Detroit, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

(I run an independent coffeehouse on the main drag in a small town. A regular walks in, doing her usual purposeful strut to the counter.)

Me: “Hey [Name], how’s it going?”

Customer: “Good. You know what I want?”

(I nod as I begin making her nonfat, no carb latte with extra ice.)

Customer: “You know, I like Criss Angel…”

Me: “Yeah, he’s… something all right.”

Customer: “You know…” *drifts off for a second before coming back down to earth with the rest of us* “I really think he’s the second coming…”

(I stop what I’m doing to look at her as I wait for the punchline. Turns out it’s not coming.)

Customer: “He can do everything Jesus could do.”

(I’m still waiting for the ‘HA! Funny huh?,’ but I see she’s dead serious and waiting for commiseration.)

Me: “Criss Angel is a magician.”

Customer: *nods smiling*

Me: “An illusionist. He does tricks.”

Customer: *her smile slowly fades to a look of total desolation* “Oh.”

(I finished her latte and rung her up. She didn’t say anything else and walked out looking much less sure of herself. I almost felt bad.)

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