Welcome To Retail

| Right | November 16, 2015

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Taxing Faxing, Part 16

| SC, USA | Right | November 16, 2015

Me: “Thank you for calling [Law Firm]; this is [My Name].”

Client: “I need to speak to [My Boss].”

Me: “I’m sorry, she is on the phone. May I help you?”

Client: “No, I really need her.”

Me: “Okay. She may be a minute. Are you sure I can’t help you?”

Client: “No, I need her fax number. I’ll hold for her.”

Me: “Uh, I can give that to you.”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 15
Taxing Faxing, Part 14
Taxing Faxing, Part 13

Doesn’t Have The Complete Picture

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Right | November 16, 2015

(I’m an editor for a design-related publication, and received this phone call:)

Caller: “I have photos. Where do I send them to?”

Me: “What is this regarding?”

Caller: “I have photos of our new facility.”

Me: “So you’re looking to submit an article for consideration?”

Caller: “I don’t have an article, just the photos.”

Me: “Well, in order for you to pitch an article, you would need to send us the information about the facility.”

Caller: “Don’t you write the article?”

Surprising Enterprising

| USA | Right | November 16, 2015

Caller: “I need you to come down and fix a tire on my car. It’s flat.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. I’m a bit backed up at the moment, so it will be about an hour before I can come down.”

Caller: “I need to go to [Next Town Over] this afternoon so I need it fixed as soon as possible.”

Me: “That’s fine. I can take care of it by noon, but like I said I have customers here in the shop so I can’t just leave just yet.”

Caller: “Well, I’ll tell you what. I’ll call [Competitor] and see if he can come down, and whichever one of you gets here first gets the business.”

Me: “No, I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that. If you call me down I expect to get the business because you asked me to fix your tire for you. If I get down there and someone else has already fixed it then I’d still have to charge you a service call fee.”

Caller: “What? I’m not paying you for not doing anything.”

Me: “You’re asking me to leave the shop and burn my gas to come down in hopes I get there first. I’m not going to play that game. If you want to call [Competitor] and have them do it instead I’ll understand, or you can wait an hour and I can come down.”

Caller: “I don’t see what the problem is. That’s free enterprise. If you get here first then I’ll pay you to fix it.”

Me: “And if I don’t get there first, I’ve wasted my time and money. ”

Caller: “That’s why you compete for business.”

Me: “We compete by providing better service and lower prices, not by who has the faster truck. You make an oral contract with a business, you should be willing to pay. You wouldn’t order a pizza from two different pizza places and tell them whoever delivered first gets your business, then expect the loser to just eat the costs.”

Caller: “Sounds okay to me. They should give better service.”

Me: “Well, anyway, do you want me to come down or not?”

Caller: “Okay. It’s [Address].”

Me: “Okay, I’ll be down there as fast as I can. Don’t call anyone else to fix it, or if you do call me back and let me know so I don’t waste time driving there.”

Caller: “One more thing… can I wait to pay you tomorrow?”

Me: *face-palm*

Jesus Doesn’t Get Tickets

| MD, USA | Right | November 16, 2015

(My friend is playing Jesus in a production of Jesus Christ Superstar. After the performance, he changes into his own clothes, but doesn’t take off his stage makeup, including the fake blood from the crucifixion scene. While he is driving home, he is pulled over by the police.)

Police Officer: “License and registration, please.”

(As my friend hands the officer his license, the officer gets a good look at him.)

Police Officer: “Sir, are you all right? Do you need an ambulance?”

Friend: *confused because he forgot he was wearing the makeup* “Huh? Oh! I’m okay. This is makeup. I’m coming home from a performance.”

Police Officer: *so relieved that he apparently forgot why he pulled my friend over* “Oh, good. Well, drive safely and have a good night!”

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