Overly OVERLY Protective Mother

, , , , | Related | August 7, 2019

(I’ve recently come out as a lesbian, and my religious parents are really cool about it. I’m hanging out with a female coworker and her husband, and I’m driving us to a local fair. Suddenly, a call comes in over my car’s Bluetooth option. I answer.)

Me: “Hey, Mom.”

Mom: “Hey, kiddo. Can you stop by later to let the dogs out? Your dad and I are going to your uncle’s house in a little bit.”

Coworker: “Ooh! What breed are they?”

Mom: “Is that a girl? Are you on a date?”

Me: “No, Mom. I’m hanging out with some friends and we’re going to the fair.”

Coworker: “Aww, baby. Haven’t you told your mom about us yet?”

Mom: “Well, at least you won’t give us grandchildren before you’re married. Use protection! STDs are an awful way to live.”

Me: “MOTHER!”

(My idiot friends were silently cracking up as I said my goodbyes and hung up.)

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