Overly Loud Trash Talking

(It’s my girlfriend’s 21st birthday, so to celebrate I’ve taken her to a very expensive dinner. Part way into our meal two women who are very obviously drunk are seated next to us. The meal has ten courses, each with its own alcoholic accompaniment, and despite complaints from other customers about how loud and obnoxious the women have been the wait-staff are not allowed to stop serving them.)

Me: *to our server* “Is there any way you could at least water down their drinks? I can’t even hear [Girlfriend] from across the table!”

Server: “I’m really sorry; we aren’t allowed to say anything. I’ve already apologized to the other guests. Since you’re a guest you can say something if you want.”

(15 minutes later, after the women have finished bickering loudly about one of their exes and throwing their unfinished plates to the end of the table one of their cell phones goes off.)

Drunk Woman #1: “OH, MY GOD! YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IT! YOU’RE BEING RUDE!”

Me: *after finally having enough* “YOU ARE IN A $200 DOLLAR A PLATE RESTAURANT. IF YOU WANT TO ACT LIKE TRASH GO TO A TRASHY FAST FOOD PLACE!”

Drunk Woman #2: “Trash? Did she just call me trash?!”

(A manager rushes over to their table:)

Manager: “Ladies I’m sorry, but since you have done nothing but cause a disturbance since you arrived I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Drunk Woman #1: “We didn’t cause a disturbance. That fat b**** over there yelled at us for no reason! My father is going to deal with you!”

Manager: “Unfortunately, you need to leave.”

Drunk Woman #2: “OH, MY GOD! WE DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING! WE’RE NEVER COMING HERE AGAIN!”

(After they left the manager came over and offered us both a complimentary cocktail and a thank you!)