Over-Easy To Confuse

I work at a ramen place. The customer prefaces their order by informing me that they are vegan. Cool. No problem. I inform them of the vegan options on our menu.

Customer: “Great. I’ll have the vegan ramen with seaweed, extra tofu, and an egg.”

Me: “Uh… the egg isn’t vegan.”

Customer: “Yes, but you know I’m vegan now; I’ve informed you, so you need to provide a vegan alternative.”

Me: “That’s not possible.”

Customer: “Your menu says to ask about ingredient substitutions based on intolerances and preferences.”

Fine, I’ll play this game.

Me: “Okay. What would you like to substitute for the egg?”

Customer: “I want an egg, but I want it vegan.”

Me: “What is a vegan egg?”

Customer: “An egg… but vegan.”

Me: “This is going in circles. An egg is never going to be a vegan option as it’s not possible to get it from anywhere but an animal. I can give you more of the mushrooms, garlic, ginger, or spring onions, but there’s no way we can provide an egg and keep it vegan.”

Customer: “The other places do it for me!”

Me: “The other places are lying if they’re telling you their eggs are vegan.”

Customer: “But that’s what they say! They even charge me extra because the eggs are special vegan versions.”

Me: “You really must tell me what these places are!”

Customer: “So you can try them?”

Me: “So I can report them.”