Outside Food Is Out Of His Mind

Me: “Thank you for calling [Movie Theatre], the best seat in town. This is [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Do you have hot dogs?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we do!”

Caller: “Do you have hamburgers?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry.”

Caller: “Will you let me bring a hamburger in?”

Me: “No, sir, we can’t allow outside food or drink in our auditoriums. I’m sorry.”

Caller: “So, if I go to [Burger Joint] and get a hamburger, will you let me bring it in?”

Me: “No, sir, it’s our policy that we can’t allow outside food and drink. I do apologize.”

Caller: “So, if I gave you a hamburger, you wouldn’t let me bring a hamburger into the movie?”

Me: “No, sir, I do apologize; it’s policy.”

Caller: “So, what if I bring a large, two-topping pizza, will you let me in?”

Me: “Um… No, sir, that’s outside food and we don’t allow that.”

Caller: “Even if I give you some?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We can’t allow it; it’s policy.”

Caller: “What if I sneak it under my shirt?”

Me: “I mean, if you sneak it under your shirt and podium doesn’t see you bring it in, I guess you can have it, but if we catch you with it you can’t bring it in.”

Caller: “May I speak to a manager?”

Me: “I am one.”

Caller: “Okay… Who’s your boss?”

Me: *says boss’s name*

Caller: “So, if I bring him a large, two-topping pizza, will you let me bring it into a movie?”

Me: “Sir, no, I’m sorry. We don’t allow anything that’s not bought at our concession stand.”

Caller: “It’s my friend’s birthday today.”

Me: “I understand, but we can’t let you bring it in.”

Caller: *hangs up*