Only Wears Blood (Of Christ) Diamonds

Customer: *verbatim – as in the customer actually spoke this way* “Is this diamonds in this earrings is real?”

Me: “Yes, they are.”

Customer: “They isn’t fake? Or created?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “No! I MEAN… is they is made by God? Is they outta the dirt? God’s dirt?”

Me: “They are genuine diamonds, ma’am.”

Customer: “But is they is made by God?! Is they is from the dirt God made?!”

Me: “They are genuine diamonds; from the earth.”

Customer: “GOD’S earth?! I only wear things that is made by God, from the dirt that God created!”

Me: “Well, I can’t tell you for sure that God made these diamonds, or the dirt they came from, but they are as genuine as they get. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

(What I wanted to say was, ‘He sure didn’t make the patent leather and lycra that your outfit is made out of!’)