Only Thing That Dog Did To A Stick Was Fetch It
Caller: “My dog is pregnant!”
Me: “Ah, would you like to make an appointment to confirm?”
Caller: “Confirm? I already confirmed!”
Me: “Oh, I see. So, a follow-up appointment. Could I have your dog’s name, please?” *takes details* “I don’t see anything in her records about her pregnancy. Did you have her tested at another vet?”
Caller: “No, we’ve only ever gone to you.”
Me: “Then I would advise one of our team examine her to confirm.”
Caller: “I just told you. I’ve already confirmed. I peed on the stick and everything.”
Me: “Sorry? You used a human pregnancy test on your dog?
Caller: *huffs* “No, I put [Dog] on my stomach like you told me to, and peed on the pregnancy test I got from the pharmacy. It was positive.”
Me: “…”
Caller: “Hello?”
Me: “Sorry, umm, we wouldn’t advise that as a means of determining your dog’s pregnancy. You should come into the vet where we can test her. And I would probably advise you go to the doctor and have yourself checked.”
Caller: “Are you saying I’m crazy?”
Me: “No, I’m saying you might be pregnant.”
Caller: “Oh.”
(We make an appointment, although I’m doubtful the dog is actually pregnant.)
Me: “Before you go, could I just ask where you got this pregnancy test idea? You said we may have advised it?”
Caller: “Not you specifically. A vet on Reddit told me about it.” *hangs up*
(I was working reception when she had her appointment. I asked if she had been to the doctor, to which she went on an elaborate story about seeking a holistic abortion centre — something else she read about online. The vet who examined the dog confirmed she wasn’t pregnant, and told me after the woman had left that she had never met anyone so out of touch with reality.)
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