Only Knows His QWERTYs

(I’m in my office when my receptionist comes in.)

Receptionist: “[My Name], have you been in the personnel files? They’re a mess.”

Me: “No. I told [New Guy] to take a look at them last week, though. Maybe he hasn’t gotten around to it.”

Receptionist: “No, he told me he finished yesterday.”

Me: “Well, it’s only us three who have access to them.”

(We decide to double check with the new guy and he confirms it has been done. I decide to check the files myself while the receptionist looks amused. They’re sorted correctly up to G, and then it goes completely insane.)

Me: “Well, either someone’s playing a joke or he’s lying.”

Receptionist: “I wonder…”

(She leaves the room for a moment and comes back with a confused expression.)

Receptionist: “He… doesn’t know the alphabet.”

Me: “…”

(We ended up putting sticky notes on the walls with the alphabet on them; one note for each letter. It really helped the guy, and our boss found it hilarious.)