Only Drunk On Victory

(I’m working an overnight cashier shift at a 24-hour grocery store. Since I’m not used to sleeping during the day, I haven’t gotten the best sleep, but I’m still functional. It’s about 6 am and a well-dressed customer comes to my register with coffee and bakery goods.)

Me: *stifling a yawn* “Good morning. How are you?”

Customer: “I’m good, and yourself?”

Me: “Tired.”

Customer: “Well why is that? Didn’t you sleep last night?”

(I think he’s joking.)

Me: “No, not at all. I’ve been up all night, but—”

Customer: “And who’s fault is that?”

Me: “Well, I guess I could blame my boss for scheduling me for this shift—”

Customer: “No! It’s yours!”

Me: “Um… what?”

Customer: “That’s what’s wrong with you kids these days! You party all night, even though you know you have work early in the morning. Now you expect me to have sympathy for you because you have to work right after a party!”

Me: “No, sir, I think you misunderstood—”

Customer: “No! You listen to me, missy! I bet you’re still buzzed from that party!”

Me: “I’ve been here all—”

Customer: “I will be calling your store manager! I’ll tell them you came in for your shift drunk from that party you attended right before work! What do you have to say for yourself now?!”

Me: “Well, I was trying to tell you before that I’ve been here all night long, working since 10:30 last night. I don’t do parties. To be honest, I’m not used to sleeping during the day. I am normally a morning person, so with my sleep cycle a little out of whack, coupled with the fact that I’m on the last hour of my eight-hour shift, I feel my tiredness is warranted. Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

(The man instantly shuts up, and mumbles an apology. He doesn’t make eye contact with me as he cashes out and leaves. As tired as I am, the argument victory makes my last hour go by faster!)