One Way To Be A Lady Killer

(I’ve just moved, and I go to the local coffee shop for the first time on a weekend morning. As I approach the door, a woman who has been sitting outside the café hops up and gets to the door at the same time I do. I don’t mind opening doors, but she gives me a look like she expects it. She heads for the register, but pauses when I stop to look over the pastries. When I head for the register, so does she. While she gives her order, I get my phone out and read the news. Then I hear:)

Woman: “Pardon me?”

(It is Miss Open The Door For Me speaking to me.)

Me: “Yes?”

Woman: “I said that I left my wallet at home and can’t pay for my drink.”

(Again, she gives the look that she expects something from me.)

Me: “Gee, that’s too bad.”

Woman: “Maybe a gentleman would buy a lady a coffee.”

Me: “Shame that there are no ladies or gentlemen here, isn’t it?”

(She turns red. I think she might be having a stroke for a second, but then she sneers.)

Woman: “You disgusting [gay slur]!”

(Then, she storms out. The baristas laugh and high-five me.)

Barista: “Man, she pulls that crap every day. You’re the first one to not buy her s***. What do you want? It’s on us.”