One Ring To Sue Them All

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. My name is [Coworker]. How can I help you today?”

Guest: “Yes, hello. I need to inquire about a lost item.”

Coworker: “Certainly, ma’am. What sort of item?”

Guest: “It was my wedding ring. I stayed at your hotel, and when I got home it was missing.”

(My coworker looks through our recently reported found items and finds nothing close to being a wedding ring.)

Coworker: “Ma’am? When exactly did you stay with us, so I can narrow it down a bit?”

Guest: “Oh, it was in August or so…”

(Immediately, my coworker realizes that this call is about to go sour, as it is now FEBRUARY.)

Coworker: “Ma’am… I’m sorry, but we only hold lost items for thirty days. After that, anything unclaimed is donated. I’m sorry, but even if we did find your ring, it wouldn’t be in our possession any longer.”

(As expected, the guest LOSES IT.)

Guest: “WHAT?! YOU STOLE MY RING! YOU’RE THIEVES, THE LOT OF YOU!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we just don’t have the storage to keep lost items for this long.”

Guest: *ignoring my coworker entirely* “I’ll call the police! YOU STOLE MY WEDDING RING AND I’LL SUE THE WHOLE HOTEL!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, by law, we aren’t responsible for lost items in the hotel; we keep found items for thirty days as a courtesy. If you’d called sooner—”

Guest: “I was out of the country! Of course I didn’t call until now! You’ll be hearing from my lawyer! I’LL SEE YOU PERSONALLY ARRESTED!” *click*

(Amusingly, my coworker had been out of the office for an extended period during the time that the woman supposedly lost her ring, so even if someone had stolen it, it couldn’t possibly have been him. Of course, my coworker was not arrested, and we never heard anything more about it.)