On The Train To Hooky Street

(I board a train at Clapham Junction going out of London.)

Conductor: “Hello, lovely people joining us at Clapham Junction. Just to let you know, there is no first class on this train. No income tax. No VAT.”

Conductor: “We are now approaching Wimbledon. Can I ask that you take all of you rubbish with you? Unfortunately, there are no Wombles to clean up after you.”

Conductor: *in the voice of The Professor from ‘Futurama’* “Good news, everyone! We’ve now passed the late running train ahead of us so should be able to make up some time. Once again, apologies for the late running of this service.”