On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 11

(I work for the unemployment hotline for Pennsylvania. Money gets deposited at 12 am on Thursdays but doesn’t usually become available until a few minutes later. At 12:01 a recipient calls in, obviously intoxicated, and from the music in the background is probably at the bar.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the unemployment hotline. How can I help you?”

Recipient: “Yeah, my money isn’t on my d*** card! What the h*** is going on?”

Me: “Well, sometimes it can take a few minutes for the money to be available, and—”

Recipient: “I just want my f****** money and you need to give it to me!”

Me: “Sir, if you can just be patient, and you filed this week, it should be there.”

Recipient: “Well, it better be or I’m gonna come down there and rape—” *stops himself* “—I’m, I’m gonna be very upset.”

Me: “Ok. Well, is there anything else I can do for you?”

Recipient: “No, that’s all. I’m sorry. I’m very drunk.”